starting all over again

i'm in love

2011-08-07T13:29:00.004-10:00

I have been a runner off and on throughout my life since as far back as I can remember. It started when my dad found running, and got the family involved. I would guess it was probably 1st or 2nd grade that he had us running 5ks, and pretty soon we were doing a few 10ks. Dad was a marathon runner, and I have never really put much thought into it before recently.

At times, I felt very forced into running, and therefore never really liked it (well, because of that and the fact that I could be one hell of a lazy kid). In 2006 when Austen and I got engaged, I started working out and jogging to try to lose weight. While I have never appeared too terribly fat, there were times that I was indeed overweight, and I have really struggled with it since my teen years. Part of the problem was my love for alcohol. This is another one of the things that I can partially attribute to generations of alcohol dependence in various family members. I have no shame, and I will admit it-- I am just fortunate that I can look back and identify that there were times in my life where it had too much control over me. I am happy to say that I am past that point in my life. But back to the weight-- alcohol never helped.

Even when I took up running for weight loss, it didn't "stick" in my life and it was never consistent. The 10k mud run in 2007 helped me build a foundation, but I always ditched running when things got too chaotic in my life.

It feels damn good to say that running is now very much so a part of my life. I work full time, I have a 20 month old child and a husband that works 60-plus hours a week. More so than before, I have plenty of excuses not to be consistent, but it is part of my routine and has been for several months now. My thought pattern regarding running and any other type of workout used to be more like "I love running....I hate running.... I love running.... I hate running...." And ya know, I simply love running now. I am slow as hell and sometimes just running a couple miles is hard on my mind, but I love it. It is my meditation, my time to reflect. The things I think about when running... creation, love, death, nature, history. I am in a friggin beautiful place where my mind is free to wander! It is like a high that nothing else could give me. Maybe the effect it has on me has to do with my addictive personality.

I fully realize this post is strange and frank and maybe too honest. Obviously, I ran this morning and will feel good because of it all day. Some weeks I am unable to run as often as I would like. Anything less than three runs a week is not enough, and I am noticeably grumpy when I only get in that many runs.

I have done two half marathons and am not nearly as crazy as my father to be running full marathons. I don't think I could do it, but I also don't want to. However, I do want to run a few more halves, and I want to make improvements. I am still slow as molasses, but I want to get a little faster. I am already getting there, and that feels good. More than anything, it makes me a better person. More energized and more focused. It makes me a better wife, a better mom. I have a long way to go, but it is great to know I have found something that helps.

So there is no real reason for this post, other than to say thank you Dad for instilling this in me. To thank Austen for helping me have my 30 minutes to an hour of me-time every other day. And to shout from the rooftops, I LOVE RUNNING!

Until next time, aloha.

no more promises

2011-07-17T15:23:00.003-10:00

Well, as always, I haven't blogged in forever and a day I will not make another empty promise to blogland not to take so long before posting again, because who knows when i will actually have time to do it again.

There have been enormous changes for the Drake household. I have been full-time at madd for quite some time now. Forest seems to love day care, and I still love my job. Austen is of course still at SSFM. I am so proud of him, as he passed his LEED exam a couple of months ago. He never ceases to amaze me, that man. Im a pretty lucky gal.

Speaking of which, Austen has been so patient and cooperative with my new found running obsession. After completing the Hilo half, I met my mom on Oahu and we finished the Run Like a Wahiine half together. Unfortunately, the race was a hell of a lot harder than we had both anticipated. My time was a few minutes slower than the Hilo half, but we had the best long-weekend together EVER. It was really great for my mom and I to spend time together just the two of us. We made the most out of our girl time in Waikiki. We shopped, we went hiking at Diamond Head, we exercised, we ate, we drank, we went to the beach... it was one of the most fun times I have ever had, seriously. I miss my mom so much, and I hope we can make somewhat of a tradition of that kind of thing (although she swears no more halves for her).

And speaking of my mom, today is her birthday. Probably not the happiest she has ever had, as Grandpa was in the hospital again and is now in a rehab facility (not the drug kind, haha). My mom also amazes me, with her tireless dedication to my grandpa who suffers from alzheimers. I cant imagine what it would be like to see my own father's mind deteriorate...my heart aches for my aunt Cathy and my mom, who care for him daily.

On the horizon for me is the Maui half in January and the Hilo again in March. Running is my saving grace. It is a stress reliever, a meditation session...it keeps me healthy and feeling alive. I want to be around to experience my child's life and that right there is my motivation. And from what I've seen so far, I realize I have a high energy child to keep up with.

Forest is doing great and of course growing like a weed. He is the purpose of both mine and Austen's lives, and we now know that. He is such a trip.

So instead of a promise, let me just say HOPEFULLY I CAN DO BETTER (especially now thta I have myself a cool little new gadget to type on).

Aloha for now.

a new year

2011-04-03T13:56:00.007-10:00

Ughhh, long time no blog. My excuse is, as always, computer issues. I am ALWAYS thinking, "oh, I need to blog about this when I have access to a computer." Sometimes I even write it down, what I want to write about. But we happen to STILL have a dinosaur of a computer, which oftentimes keeps me from getting on a computer at all, since it is the only one I have access to. I don't even want to bother with it. We did, however, dump a lot of our photos on to an external hard drive the other day, so hopefully it can keep up long enough for me to post.

I haven't written in months, but a lot has gone on. I am still officially employed at the homeless shelter as a holiday/weekend reflief worker, but I haven't picked up any hours since January. Around that same time, I caught wind that MADD was hiring a part-time victim advocate. I was extremely interested, and over a month later, I got the job and began with MADD. I have been there a little over a month, and it is the first social work job I have had that I 100% believe in the mission and the work that is being done. I am so happy to be part of such a fantastic organization.

Forest now attends daycare three full days a week. Thanks to a friend that I made in the field a few years back, I found the most perfect in-home daycare. The provider's name is Cheryl, and she is a Godsend. She is wonderful with the kids, she has an extra lot allowing plenty of outside play, and she is conveniently located near mine and Austen's offices. It is ideal. Forest attends, along with the friend's child. They are the same age, and I love that he gets to be near other kids. At first, of course, he cried when I would drop him off. But I am happy to report that one month later, he now hardly notices when I drop him off. One day I even tried to give him a kiss and hug before leaving, and I got the cold shoulder! He loves it. And I couldn't be more pleased.

Work is going well, and I am definitely learning a lot. I sometimes feel out of my element, since we so often deal with the judicial system. I also have to present often, and public speaking is one of my lower abilities. But in this time of starting my career again, I have reminded myself that I will be tested and tried. I am often reminded of when Austen started at SSFM. When he left Texas, he was leaving a career of worker bee type civil engineering. Now I look at him, and he is leading projects. He is speaking at public meetings, he is moving up in his career. When he first came to Hawaii and began his new positions, there were times that I know he felt out of his element. There were times when I don't know that he wanted to go to work. But I think that putting yourself out there probably makes you stronger. I don't think that growing and making strides comes without challenges and effort.

So, I am challenging myself. I am reminding myself that even at times when I feel out of my element, I am growing and learning.

Speaking of challenges and growing, two weeks ago I completed my first half-marathon. I successfully surpassed my goal of just finishing a half-marathon--- I also ran the whole way. I have said a few times that I didn't know if I could do it, but I think I knew I could, it was just that I didn't know if I believed others thought I could. Does that make any sense? Probably not. But it does to me.

Running the Hilo half was amazing. I can try to put it into words, but it's difficult. I was so nervous, mostly because I felt like I didn't belong, like I wasn't elite enough. I was, afterall, just a 12-13 minute miler who simply wanted to finish something that I had never tried before. The race started at 6am, miles north of Hilo. I had to be at the bus stop by 4:45 am, which means I had to rise at 3:30 am. Austen got up with me and made me a breakfast sandwich. I drank as much water as I could (cus I sure love water) and then drove myself into town in the dark.

The race started, and I paced myself and reminded myself that it is just for fun, just to finish a goal. It was damp and drizzly, and dark for at least an hour. We were running out of Pepeekeo. I used my iPhone, listening to my Pandora Lady GaGa station, embarassingly enough. The hills were up, down, up down. Killer hills. My junky, high octane music kept me trucking. At one point, we ran by the Botanic Gardens. We ran through the scenic drive on the highway, which Austen and I drove through as tourists the year we got married. The year that we could do nothing other than dream about moving to Hawaii. The year that we almost missed a flight because we were driving in absolute awe, so slowly, that we lost track of time. And at this moment, running through the waterfalls and over the water flowing down from the mountains near the botanical gardens in the rainforest of Hawaii, Iz came on my Pandora Lady GaGa station. It was Somewhere Over the Rainbow. The song that we had the ukulele player play at our wedding on the beach. How Pandora gets that I might want to hear this song, when I usually "thumbs up" crap such as Britney Spears, Lady Gaga, Queen, and Beyonce, it is beyond me. It was just....ugh, meant to be. I swear, at this moment, I told myself, this is where I am supposed to be at this very moment in time.

Before I knew it, I somehow arrived at mile the mile 11 marker. I had just finished 10 miles, and it had taken me precisely 2 hours. I turned around to see if anyone was near....nobody was too close. I called Austen on my phone, which was strapped to my arm, and told him that I would probably finishing sooner than we had thought, and that he and Forest should leave the house. We had estimated I would finish somewhere after three hours. Being that I had never run more than 8.3 miles, we thought I would be walking some of it.

The last few miles proved to be the most difficult, as I had indeed underprepared. However, it was one of the most fun experiences ever. I can't wait to do it again next year.

My mom and I are meeting on Oahu in less than two weeks to run the Run Like a Wahine Honolulu half. This one is also just about finishing, having fun, and spending time with just my mom--something I haven't done in as long as I can remember. I am thrilled to do it. And I can't wait till my next half after that, whatever it will be. That is going to be the one that I aim for under 2.5 hours.

This is what I have learned about myself. If I want to do it, I can do it. Here is another thing I have learned about myself, which is definitely most surprising: I am like my parents. Yup, it has become that time in my life where I see it, crystal clear. I am my mom. I am my dad. And you know what? I am pretty damn proud of that.

Yup, this is the only official pic I got. It is not pretty, but it is all I got. I also learned from my dad that I should smile when I see a photographer.

Until next time...which I swear will be SOON!!

november 26

2010-11-26T16:26:00.004-10:00

One year ago today, my life changed in the best way possible. One month ahead of schedule, little Forest William made his way into this crazy world of ours.

The advice we received from all of the other parents in the world was varied. We learned to take it with a grain of salt. But there was one thing that we should have paid more attention to, and it was the only thing they all had to say in common: savor every single moment, as time flies by. As I sit here in Arlington, Texas one year later, I can't help but focus on how fast the year has come and gone.

From the beginning, I found myself looking back and thinking that it went by too fast. His arrival, being one month early, surprised us and we were unprepared. There were no pictures with the OBGYN, there was no video... why is it that I already forget parts of the experience?

Today we went to the Drake Thanksgiving at Austen's granddad's house in Forth Worth. Austen's cousin has a baby a few months younger than Forest. Forest was that size just a few months back, doing the same things (or I should say, they were both not doing things, as he's that age where babies can't roll over and hold their heads up well). Forest was that size, and he had that little newborn baby cry that is so different than the older baby's cry. But why did it feel so long ago? Why was it so hard to remember?

So as I find myself saying over and over, "I can't believe it's been a year" and "I can't believe he's one," I am trying to remind myself to savor these moments. To remember them, to soak them in. Especially this vacation. Spending Thanksgiving with my family and then Austen's, on Forest's first birthday-- it is so special.

two and a half drakes

2010-10-03T11:31:00.010-10:00

Considering the weekends are the only times that we really get a chance to work on the house, it has come a long way. Sometimes I do what I can during the week while Forest naps. But lately I have been picking up extra shifts at work here and there, and working past midnight means needing to catch up with the houshold stuff (groceries, laundry, cleaning...). I really haven't been doing much in terms of house painting during the week. So what I'm trying to say here is that somehow we have managed to almost finish painting the house. Austen has been working on it every free second he gets, and we were able to hire someone to help us the past two weekends (we had to get someone to paint the roof).

Good thing, because the rainy season will be here any day. It is actually rainy today for the first time in a long while. That's a good thing, because the Big Island is in the midst of a drought.

Forest, as expected, continues to grow and and is quickly getting closer to becoming a toddler. He is standing up a lot and crawls with warp speed. He keeps me on my toes, and I love it. All of a sudden, over the past few months, he has really become a little person. No more baby that just lays there, needing only milk, a diaper change, or sleep. Now he is active and boisterous (even after having mono) and he really gets moving. I can't imagine our little household without him in it.

Work is... well, it's going. A couple of times now, the person that comes in after me has not shown up, and I was left scrambling to find someone at last minute to come relieve me. I have no desire to work a midnight to 8am shift, and I never would have taken the job if I knew that would be expected if an unreliable coworker didn't show up. For this reason, I gave my notice today. I am pretty upset about it, because it is a great agency and I had hoped to transition into full-time with the place. However, I am a parent and my family comes first. I am still nursing and I do not get to just sleep in if I have to work later than expected. So, pretty soon I will be back to just being a mom again. I am even getting crazy hair-brained ideas of working on my master's again. Who knows. I feel kind of aimless when it comes to my future plan. But I am trying to live in the present, and right now I am a mom, that is my main job.

Austen and I celebrated our third anniversary. He was going to have to work from Kona on the Monday after, so I requested off work a month in advance, since I don't have childcare options on the weekend other than Austen. He ended up not needing to work, but we went to Kona anyway, and it was perfect. I enjoyed celebrating together and not having visitors for the first anniversary ever. Forest was a perfect angel-- he didn't fuss at all at our anniversary dinner and was happy to go swimming.

Austen had his 32nd birthday on Thursday. We kept it very low key, because we are sticking to a new budget. We want to be able to send Forest to college one day!

My birthday is next week. It's funny how little we care about our birthdays anymore...the baby is all that matters. Now, his birthday is another story-- I can't wait to have a baby luau for him here and another birthday party for him in Texas at my parents'. We are so looking forward to seeing all of our family-- and Austen hasn't seen most of his family in way too long. I know that he really looks forward to spending time with his dad.

Austen's mom is in the process of moving here. It will be totally different than what we are used to having family here. We are so used to kind of living in our own little world. Who knows, maybe we have become recluses! I'm not certain what her date of arrival is, but I know she is looking forward to her journey. It's a very exciting journey, especially before reality sets in ;)

That is the latest with our family...forgive me for my lack of writing well! I am brain dead from going to bed at 2am. I go back in today at 4 and will recover on Monday and be back to my old self on Tuesday. I've said it before, but I mean it this time! Next week I will get my ass in gear, as I really want to train for the Hilo half marathon.

I will leave you with an adorable video of Forest jammin to some reggae music. Here is a list of what I have noticed are his favorite things: Barney, Cheerios, poi mixed with applesauce, reggae music, Lambert, and swimming. He's quite the little character.

the subtleties of nature

2010-09-15T10:03:00.002-10:00

When we first moved to Hawaii, I never would have believed that there were any noticeable differences in the seasons. Over two years later, I am finally noticing the subtle changes that occur here as fall approaches. Just as the heat in Texas would become overbearing by August and I couldn't wait for October where we would get a glimpse of what relief cooler weather brings, I find myself anticipating the "cooler" season of fall. It took two years to appreciate these subtle changes. The days are getting shorter. The flowers are all blooming one last time. Soon it will be the wet, rainy season of winter. It will get cool enough at night that the coqui frogs won't make a peep.

Slowing down and just being have been a slow process for me. How do you notice subtleties if you can't slow down? I'm quick to get angry; impatient. I have the Gilliland disease of perpetually running late. Anytime I have to be somewhere at a set time, I will get there on time, but it will take a small miracle for me to do it. I'm always rushing out the door, running around trying to grab the essentials that I had almost forgotten. I speed too much on the road. I am so very far from perfect. But I have come to realize that I would be even farther from perfect had we never made the move to Hawaii.

We have been spending a lot of time with home renovations. Spending hundreds of dollars at Home Depot to buy paint, screens, windows, doors... We did the same thing back at the home in North Richland Hills. What's different now is that Austen and I both say to eachother now, "how lucky are we that we can just go out and buy these things?" The same goes for when I go to the health food store and fill our home with good, wholesome, organic food. How fortunate are we? I don't think we ever stopped to think of it back in Texas. And we did a whole heck of a lot more buying back then.

As most of you probably know, I have been working at the homeless shelter for almost two months now. I typically work Saturdays and Sundays from 4pm to midnight. It's hard to stay up so late since we get up by 6, but it is perfect for me in that I don't have to put Forest in daycare and I still can bring home a little bit of extra income. I also like still being in the field of social work, as my fear is to lose all the contacts that I worked so hard to make as a newcomer. The job is going pretty good, and it is a constant reminder for me to be thankful for what I have.

I am seeing a physcial therapist now for my scoliosis. The pain has become considerably worse since having a child, and I am working to strengthen my core and therefore my back. I am trying to keep up with yoga, although I don't do it as often as I would like. I'm happy to have a good doctor that referred me to get an x-ray and then to see the PT. Maybe my point is that I am also grateful to have good health care.

Forest is growing like a weed. He is over 9 months already, and healthy as can be. He is in the 77th percentile for height, and just over 20 pounds. Obviously, we are most thankful to be blessed with this little munchkin.

This Sunday is mine and Austen's third anniversary. It's unfortunate that our first anniversary without visitors is also our first anniversary to have a child, but that's ok, he will just have to join us!

So I guess that sums up the recent happenings of our little family. When I haven't posted in ages, it is almost overwhelming to decide where to begin. So please fortive the disorderly nature of this post. I will try to work on getting posts up more often.

Aloha for now.

thinking about trying cloth?

2010-06-22T15:36:00.006-10:00

So I have had several friends ask me about cloth diapering. I thought that the blog would be a great avenue to share some knowledge on the topic. Afterall, making the commitment does involve quite an investment, and it would be a shame to get into it not knowing all the little tips that make it go more smoothly. The last thing I want is to tell someone, "yes, do it! It's great!" only to have that person feel overwhelmed and quit all together. (Below: my stash.)

I have been cloth diapering since Forest was about 7 pounds. It took him a while to get up to that weight, since he did get down to around 5 pounds after birth. But once he got some meat on his bones, CDs started to fit better. Since then, I have purchased throw-away diapers three times. There are some situations where CDs just aren't an option, and those are the only times I purchase throw-aways. FYI, Seventh Generation makes some great chlorine-free throw-aways.
There are several different kinds of CDs available. There are prefolds, pockets, hybrids, all-in-ones. So many options. We have tried them all. To describe them in general: Prefolds... ok, so you know those cloth diapers that everyone buys and uses as burp rags? Those are prefolds. They fold into thirds. The way these work is you fold them and place them inside a shell or diaper cover. The prefold placed inside is the absorbent part, and the cover is usually waterproof to keep the wet prefold cloth from getting baby wet. We used these a lot in the beginning, but I don't use them at all anymore. I find them to be difficult with a squirmy boy. Hybrids are systems that offer a disposable option as well. Examples are g diapers and GroBaby (which is now GroVia). I use GroBabys half the time. For use at home, there is the shell with a snap in soaker pad insert. For away from home (or in my case, a trip to Texas), there is a disposable insert option. It uses less absorbent chemical and plastic, and is oftentimes biodegradeable. As for pocket diapers, the diaper has absorbent pads that are stuffed into the diaper in a pocket. Fuzzi Bunz are pocket diapers, and that is what I use when I am not using GroBaby. Lastly, an all-in-one diaper is, well, all-in-one. I have one all-in-one that I use right now, and it is the GroVia all-in-one (see photo of Forest at about 6.5 months in a Gro Via all-in-one, which is also a great training diaper from what I hear).

Like I said, we use GroBaby (now GroVia) and Fuzzi Bunz. Both of these diapers are one size (although Fuzzi Bunz does make a perfect fit diaper-- this means you need to buy different sizes as baby grows, but they will be less bulky than the one-sizes). The GroBaby diapers snap down for when baby is tiny, and you can open them to the largest setting for a toddler. Fuzzi Bunz are different in that they have adjustible elastic leg and waist openings-- similar to those maternity pants that grow with you by using elastic.

GroBabys are the first diapers we used that fit Forest well. Austen really liked them as a new dad because they are similar to throw-aways in the way that they fasten on to baby. These were also the diapers that we used during the days Forest was in daycare when I tried going back to work (ha!) The fasteners are like velcro, but not as scratchy. The shells do a good job at keeping baby dry. GroBaby soaker pads are made of organic, unbleached cotton. Since they are unbleached, they repel moisture at first, naturally. They need to be washed and dried several times to increase absorbency. They will continue to repel moisture until they have been "prepped." I just threw them in with our regular clothes loads for the first 10-12 washes. After that, they begin to work best. But, since they are cotton and not synthetic, they are not the absolute most absorbent, and so I use them when I am at home with Forest or when I know I can change him every two hours or so. The good part about this system is you can buy more soaker pads than shells, and just change the soaker pads if baby has a diaper change in which no mess gets onto the shell. (Below is a pic of a gro-baby shell and the snap-in soaker pad.)

As for Fuzzi Bunz, they are my go-to diaper for longer outings and overnights. Forest sleeps in these all night and does not need to be changed in the middle of the night. He stays dry in FuzziBunz. They are the most absorbent and they fit great since you can customize the legs and waist. They don't need "prepping" since they are not cotton (they are synthetic). They run for about $20 a diaper. (Below is a pic of my favorite brands of diapers: fuzzi bunz is on the left, gro-baby on the right.)

Something that is helpful with cloth diapering is a diaper sprayer or a mini shower. It is something that attaches to your toilet (or to a mess sink if you have an option outside or in the garage or laundry room) that you use to spray off solids when baby has a BM. Several people don't go this route, but I find it to work best for me. When a diaper gets solids on it, it isn't necessary to completely clean the diaper before storing it for wash, but it is necessary to get the diaper wet with water to keep the solid from setting on the diaper. I don't have staining issues, and I believe it is because I use the diaper sprayer. I am at my parents' house right now visiting, and I just wet BMs with water from the bathroom sink. That works just fine. Some people dunk the diaper in toilet water (I can't handle that idea). Whatever works for you...

When I am storing my diapers in between wash days, I use a dry bag-- my favorite is Planet Wise. They make small ones to keep in your diaper bag, or large ones that you can hang on a door knob or hook. They are lined on the inside and cloth on the outside, and the zip closed to COMPLETELY keep smells and leaks out. They are great. No need for a diaper pail like the old days-- just throw in your urine-soaked diapers, or spray your BM diapers after spraying or wetting them and keep them here till laundry day. I do laundry every second to third day.

How many diapers do you need? I would suggest approximately fifteen to last two days. I am in Texas right now, but when I return to Hawaii, I will count how many we have. Yes, it is an initial investment, but it is so great never needing to run to Walmart to get diapers.

Your last necessity would be special detergent. I have tried Charlie's and Tiny Bubbles. Both can be ordered from CD websites. You don't need to use very much, as you do NOT want build-up (it will affect your diaper's absorbency). Almost all washing detergent is made to repel stains, and you do not want your diapers repelling liquid. So it is crucial to use the correct detergent. You don't want scents and additives. Remember, the wrong detergents cause build up and will make your diapers leak due to build-up. This is BAD! All of the CD detergents out there last a long time yet come in a tiny little package. Like I said, you don't need much.

These are the CD essentials. Check out these websites for further advice and to see products available: http://www.kellyscloset.com/ and http://www.jilliansdrawers.com/ and http://gro-via.com/ These are great places to order from if you don't have a natural parenting store in your area. Some of the sites give you a trial period, too. They often run free shipping specials, as well. Join their mailing lists or fan them on facebook for access to coupons and specials. Also, their customer service is EXCELLENT. I have dealt with all three a lot.

CDing is not that difficult. The difference is you carry your soiled diapers with you when you are on an outing instead of tossing them. You wash your diapers at home instead of creating more waste for the trashman to pick up. Yeah, so if your baby poops once or twice a day, you have to do a little bit more work than just tossing it in the diaper genie. The key is to stop thinking of everything as disposable. If we all always used paper plates and paper forks, it would seem like a lot of work to all of a sudden start washing glass dishes.

The benefits are several. Less waste, better for our earth. It is estimated that 27.4 billion disposible diapers are used every year. Furthermore, it is estimated that single-use diapers take up to 500 years to biodegrade. Baby will have less exposure to harmful chemicals such as Dioxin (a by-product of the bleaching process in trash diapers) and super absorbent polymer (SAP), which has been linked to toxic shock syndrome when it was allowed in tampons in the 80s. See http://www.realdiaperassociation.org/ for more facts on cloth diapers. Yes, you are using more water with cloth diapers since you have to wash them every 2-3 days. But energy efficient washers help with this issue. And you can line dry the diapers on dry days. I lay our's out in the house since we live in Hawaii in a moist environment. And for us, since we are on a rainwater catchment system, washing more often doesn't affect our water usage, rather just our electricity.

I have pictures that I took of my diaper sprayer and diapers and bags-- I will post them when I am back in Hawaii, just so you can get a visual on what I am talking about.

Please feel free to email me if you have any questions-- I love talking cloth diapers!

an active mom is a happy mom

2010-06-13T09:04:00.007-10:00

Ahh, like I said last month, I just love three-day weekends. Friday was King Kamehameha Day, so Austen was off work, which is always so very nice for me. For instance, I just returned from a jog sans baby. Don't get me wrong-- I love taking Forest out and about. But never underestimate how much harder a couple miles is with a baby in a jogging stroller and a big dog (not in a jogging stroller). Furthermore, it is nice being able to get up and go when I am ready, instead of waiting until he is up from a nap or whatnot. Sometimes I find myself waiting until Forest is ready, but losing motivation at that point. When it comes to exercise, I am best off going as soon as the mood strikes me.

We have had a wonderful weekend, but I also had a pretty good week. Last Sunday, we returned from the Kona side, where we went on a stand up paddle boarding excursion with Austen's coworkers. Let me just say, I love SUP boarding! We had a wonderful time, and I am looking forward to returning soon. The best part of all was when I paddled out and saw spinner dolphins spinning around and playing. Such an AWESOME experience!

Forest and I have been going to mom and baby yoga on Tuesdays, and this has been great mommy-networking for me. It's a great place to meet like-minded moms. For instance, almost all the moms in the class use cloth diapers. Those that do not use unbleached disposables (which is what we use when we are on vacations). All of the moms breastfeed. And most of the moms are moms to babies around Forest's age. Last week one of the moms (she has a five-month old) was saying she feels she might be ready to go back to work. She said she felt guilty about it. Such a small little comment, but it made me feel better about my fleeting thoughts of wanting to go back to work.

Thursday, Austen worked from home in the evening so that I could go to ballet. I've always been one to try new things, and a month or so ago, I went in search of something new. I found some adult dance classes at our local dance studio, and they were also running a special of six hours for thirty bucks. One post of facebook later, I had found two friends willing to try with me. So now I have something to do each Thursday night for the summer. Not surprisingly, I am not graceful or elegant or a good dancer. But it is good for this mush brain of mine (pregnancy seems to have greatly impaired it!). Best of all, I had a great time with Gen and Jessica (plus another friend was able to join, but she is only able to come to a few classes because she works in Honolulu). Since ballet is a temporary deal, I plan to replace it with another yoga class (just me, no baby) after the summer.

Aside from all of this, the home repairs and changes have continued. Poor Austen works 60-hour weeks and then spends his "spare" time working on this house. But it has been crucial to Forest's new sleep plan. Most nights, he is in bed at 8am and he sleeps until at least 4am. Like I said before, I am like a new woman when he sleeps the whole night. (His room, coming along nicely:)

Below are some pics of what is going on with our renovations. By no means is it all pau. The bed has been moved up into our new bedroom loft. However, the bed frame can't go up there, so we had to sell it and we will have to get a frame that can be put together up there. Regardless, I sleep like a champion up there. We light candles each night and read before bed-- it is very cozy. Very--- zen, if you will. (Our room, not quite complete yet:)

As for Forest, he is continuing to grow like crazy. I guess that's what babies do. He is big and hungry all the time. He loves easting bananas, apples, and orange veggies. He is such a sweet boy, and we are enjoying the trip that is parenthood, in Hawaii.

Time to get ready to head to the farmers market-- we are meeting friends from our childbirth class, Melissa, Kevin, and baby Ava. Aloha for now!

tiny living

2010-06-03T08:58:00.006-10:00

I have a new appreciation for three-day weekends now that I am a mother. After being an underpaid and overworked social worker for five years, I thought I fully understood the importance of a three-day weekend. Wrong! Being a stay-at-home mom has made me appreciate them even more. What's in it for me? Some help with the baby, some time to myself, and some time for my husband to fix things around the house!

Austen stayed home with Forest on Friday night so that I could visit with some work friends for a few hours. That was wonderful, especially because I got to see my friend's new baby for the second time. Saturday, I had a mom's night out with a mom from my labor and delivery class. Sunday and Monday, we attended cookouts at friends' houses. Wonderful!

We were busy, which is great for me since I don't get out nearly enough. Austen somehow found time to work on our loft project. For those of you who haven't seen our house, it is a tiny one-bedroom with a loft. The loft is pretty spacious up there, but it is wasted space due to the inability to safely and easily access it. We used to spend a lot of time up there, but not since I was pregnant. For the last year or so, it has been used mainly for storage. Sometimes, Austen works up there, but that's about it.

As Forest has gotten older, his sleeping has not changed much. He still wakes up as many as three times a night to nurse. In his over six months of life on this earth, he has slept through the night twice. From my reading, I understand that his nervous system is actually equipped to go all night without eating. Yes, he will wake up, but this is the time where he needs to develop self-soothing skills and put himself back to sleep. Austen and I couldn't help but wonder if it would be easier to develop a sleep plan if we weren't in the same room as him. But where do we go?! We live in a tiny one-bedroom house.

And so came our new idea of making the loft room our bedroom. I know, it's crazy to give the tiny baby the huge bedroom. Well guess what? Sleep is that important to us. So for some time now, Austen has been working on a better way to access the loft.

The first step was attempting to flip the sliding door, so that the direction that it opened from changed. Success came a few weeks ago (and it wasn't easy). Then we had to move the back stairs on the lanai. While we were at it, we went ahead and added a proper landing (the hairbrained people who built this house didn't believe in landings-- you used to have to step down when you came out the back door). Lastly, Austen planned out a staircase that fit in the area. Somehow he put the thing together pretty quickly. And now we have an accessible loft! We still need to add the railing and do some touchups, but at least it is up.

Tuesday night was our first night in the loft. And guess what? Forest never woke up! I'm sure he woke up a few times, but he was able to put himself back to sleep without crying. So, it is a big step for our little guy. He has his own (giant) room now. It almost makes me sad. Almost.

So here we are, 21 months into owning this house, and it finally makes more sense (and this is the second loft ladder we have built-- we ripped out the original one when we moved in). Wish we would have thought of this sooner.

Sometimes I get frustrated that we have a tiny house. Sometimes I think, what were we thinking!!? But if I take a step back and really get down to it, I realize I only want a larger house because everyone else has a larger house. This house works for us right now. No, there is no room for visitors. Sometimes that sucks, sometimes it is a blessing. With tiny living comes simple living. Simple living makes me spend less time sorting through crap and holding on to things I don't need. Simple living keeps us from buying junk we don't need. Simple living helps us keep in mind what is important to us. But the house works for us, and we have a mortgage we can afford. Isn't that the most important thing?

So, I have posted some before and after pics to show the hard work.

Here is the very original loft ladder, before we moved in... it is followed by two pics, one of the ladder we put in when we moved in, and one of the sliding door (sorry, I didn't take any good pics at that time-- Austen is not going to appreciate this-- ignore the mess-- we were still getting moved in and settled!):

Here are some photos of what we now have:

Guess I had better clean this tiny house while the baby is still napping. Aloha for now!

all about the breasts (you don't have to read if you don't wanna)

2010-05-28T16:00:00.004-10:00

Yesterday, Forest had his six month well check at Kaiser. At his four month visit, his doctor had just put him on Pepcid because nothing seemed to slow down the large amounts of spitting up. Trust me, it was not just spitting up. It was massive amounts of vomit (he was tested for pyloric stenosis months ago because the amount of vomit was concerning). And it didn't matter whether or not the boy had been fed recently, or if it had been four hours (well, I don't think he has ever gone four hours, but you get what I'm saying). My doctor said medicines like Pepcid are highly over-prescribed. I believe this to be true, based on the posts by friends that I see on facebook. I think every single person I know with an infant has their baby taking an antacid. Anyway, my doctor had finally prescribed it, as nothing else seemed to help with the "spit-up." I didn't like the idea of this, because I try to do as natural parenting as I can, but I was desperate. I did feel better knowing that my doctor said maybe 1% of her baby patients are ever placed on the medication by her. It gave me peace of mind knowing that she wouldn't prescribe it to Forest unless necessary. So we gave it to Forest.

It didn't seem to make a difference at all. He took it for over a month. I also believe it is the one thing that made him decide he didn't want to take a pumped bottle anymore-- we had to force the medication into his mouth, and I think he associated taking a bottle with taking that nasty medicine, and being forced. Anyway, I was talking to my cousin Katie one day. She googled "reflux in a breastfed infant" and found a very interesting article.

In short, the article stated that many doctors actually spend little time on breasfeeding in medical school. So when a breastfed baby displays symptoms of reflux or GERD, the baby is oftentimes taken off the breast and put on a formula. They are often also diagnosed as lactose intolerant, and are sometimes put on soy formula. The article advised to try nursing on only one breast every three hours. It stated that sometimes there is a foremilk-hindmilk imbalance.

This all seemed very interesting to me, because every one I had ever spoken to about breastfeeding said to figure out how long your baby usually nurses, and then to cut the baby off from one breast in the middle of the feeding, and allow baby to finish feeding on the other side. I had done this since day one. According to the article, the baby never gets the fatty hindmilk with this method of feeding, and therefore a baby with reflux may spit up more often, because of the watery nature of foremilk. Furthermore, the baby may never seem full.

Oh. My. God. This sounded so familiar. Forest was always hungry. At the beginning, yes, it seemed normal, because he had a tiny stomach and was just a newborn. But come on, the baby was five months already at the time of reading this article. Every hour, hour and a half? That is ridiculous. And it was so disheartening to feed my baby for 20 minutes, and then to see up to 2 ounces immediately spit back out. So, I decided I would try this method.

Once again, oh my God. The difference made by this method of nursing was incredible. Why hadn't I found this article months ago? So yesterday, at the appointment, I wanted to mention this to Forest's pediatrician. Austen and I thought it important to share, so that maybe if she ever comes into contact with someone with the same issue, she could advise this method rather than advising thickening the milk with rice cereal at a young age (she had us try this at one month), or instead of taking an antacid as an infant. When I mentioned it in passing, I was irritated that she seemed to think, "whatever!" She told us that it was probably actually that we had begun to incorporate baby food into his diet (which in actuality, we hadn't done until after attempting this cluster nursing method).

The reason I am going into detail about all of this is in hopes that it will help someone. This was very frustrating for me. And it was obviously irritating for poor Forest. He seemed uncomfortable for five months. Several people advised me to consider soy forula. Others advised the rice cereal thickening. In my opinion, a woman's body is made with breasts to feed her child. Yes, nursing doesn't work for everyone. No judgment. But breastmilk is formulated by our bodies specifically for the baby. I feel it is in the minority of cases where there is actually a problem such as an allergy. No, I am not a doctor. I don't know jack about jack! But I know my body, and I know my baby, and I felt that all of the advice was off. It was as simple as nursing on one side per feeding. I have also slowed down with the pumping, because nursing is about supply and demand, afterall. If I am pumping more than my baby actually eats, then I will produce more milk than necessary-- this can all throw foremilk/hindmilk out of balance.

Ok, so I know that is waaay too much info for many. I don't care-- maybe don't read this. I feel feeding a baby by breast is as natural and normal as it gets. Whatever. I will get off my boob soapbox now.

I still love our pediatrician, and value her opinion and medical advice. But sometimes, moms know.

And I must be doing something right, because this baby is a growin. He weighs 17 pounds and 7.7 ounces (51 percentile) and 27.5 inches long (85 percentile). He barfs at least 50% less than he used to, and best of all, he is healthy. I couldn't be happier.

My most exciting news of all? On his six month "birthday," Forest slept through the night for only the second time (ever), and he drank 2 oz of pumped milk from a sippy cup. I am one proud momma (and somewhat well-rested). I also feel hopeful knowing that maybe I can have more than three hours of freedom one day.

We have so much to be thankful for. Having a child truly is amazing. It's funny how our starting all over again in Hawaii blog has turned into a baby blog! But isn't he part of the journey?

Until next time, aloha.

growing up

2010-05-26T08:37:00.007-10:00

Six months ago today, Austen and I were watching the UT game as I (unknowingly) went into early labor. I cannot believe it has been half a year since our little guy was born. People warned us that time would just fly by, and they couldn't have been any more right.

Austen and I were watching him play last night, thinking how he changes and grows up some every single day. We see him grow into a little person. He likes standing in his jumper toy now. He likes laughing at Lambert. He eats baby food. He objects if you take a toy away. He babbles to us, with a look on his face that makes it obvious he has something he is trying to say. Six months ago, he was not even 6 lbs, and now he is... well, he is big. His little legs used to look like that of a chicken. They were wrinkly and free of fat. Now they get attention out in public--- "oh my goodness, look at those big legs!"

For me, the 6 month mark is important because I have achieved my first mini-goal: I breastfed for 6 months. There was no formula for this baby boy, just mother's milk. I remember doubting myself, thinking ok, maybe I will just go three months. But we did it. I feel like since I made it this far, the next six months of breastfeeding will be easier. I can do it! I can finish up this year and then reclaim my boobs as being my own!

So today I am celebrating Forest's first six months of life in this world-- and our little achievements. I am looking forward to the next six months-- but let's not let them go too fast.

Aloha for now!

technologically unadvanced

2010-05-20T09:36:00.004-10:00

So Forest has been sleeping for about an hour and a half. What did I do that entire time? Attempt to change my blog's layout. Yes, it took me that entire time. During that hour and a half, it went from sunny, to rainy, to sunny again. Wow, I feel so techno dumb. If anyone has any great advice, please do share. I have this new layout up, but I can't seem to figure out how to edit it now! I am giving up for today-- I have wasted enough time!

Aloha for now. My brain hurts.

i heart bob

2010-05-19T17:22:00.003-10:00

The past few days have been beautiful here around rainy Hilo. It has only been raining at night, and the days have been absolutely gorgeous. Sunny weather is my favorite, because I have no excuses to skip my jog.

Austen and Forest got me the best Mother's Day gift. Ok, so I ordered it myself and told them that it is what I would most like for Mother's Day. I'm sure you are wondering what it is--- a diamond ring? A tennis bracelet? Lol, no! I wanted a BoB stroller!

I had been doing a 3.2 mile route up our street and was getting bored of walking. I finally had the urge to jog about 2 months ago. The stroller I got first is great for when I am on the go and in town-- you can snap the carseat right in, which is great for when Forest falls asleep on the way into town-- I don't even have to wake him to get him in the stroller. But the stroller is not meant for unpaved roads, and definitely not meant for jogging. So the BoB sounded just right for me.

I had been watching craigslist.com looking for a used one, because they are a little pricey. But I never found any. Finally, I checked REI online, and sure enough, they had them, and, THEY SHIP TO HAWAII!! (That right there is a rarity.) Anyway, I got one that is sport utility, meaning it is meant for parents who want to jog with their baby on trails. Perfect for where we live, since we are off the pavement.

Oh is it right for me! I absolutely love my jogging stroller. I would estimate that we go 10-15 miles a week, and it is so smooth. Maverick is happy getting out and about (and getting off of his lanai) and being our protector, I am flooded with endophins, and Forest is smiling away. It's just what the three of us needed. I love the idea of things that allow you to carry on a somewhat normal life even after baby. Things that allow you to be active with your baby, and to be a healthy, good role model. And this weather makes me ohhh so happy I got my jogging stroller. Oops, I mean I'm so glad that it was given to me.

*Thought you might like to a picture-- this one is from over a month ago. Yes, I got my present before Mother's Day.

why am i always catching up!?

2010-05-12T12:58:00.007-10:00

Ahh, Forest is taking a nap and I have the chance to do what I should have done a month ago: catch up this so-called blog of mine. I will admit, I have become very selfish with my time. Forest has gotten to where he takes very short naps-- I'm talking like 20 minute naps, maybe three a day. This means I have very limited time-- and I usually use it for things like shower-taking, floor vacuuming, or mail-reading. Like I said, I have become selfish with my time, and I never want to use it for blogging.

Anyway, I have a lot to catch up on, starting with our trip to Oahu. Most of you who follow this probably know about our great chance meeting with Jack Johnson. It was one of the more special moments of my life. I would be happy to share with you all why.

Austen and I are definitely dreamers. We spend a lot of our time dreaming, and then talking about what steps need to be taken to make our dreams realities. Ever since our first trip to the Big Island in 2006, we have spent several hours dreaming about moving to Hawaii. What would it be like to move there? Wouldn't it be great to go to the farmer's markets and buy fresh produce? Think of how great it would be to slow down! We spent countless hours from 2006-2008 talking about this dream that we shared. And what did we listen to while dreaming? A handful of artists, including Eddie Vedder's Into the Wild album (such awesomeness), but also-- you guessed it-- Jack Johnson. I can remember my last night in Texas. I was about to leave for Hawaii. Austen would join me in a couple weeks. We were sitting on the floor of our tiny apartment, having sold the house several months prior, in preparation for this move. It looked like a bomb had been set off, as we had no furniture at this point and were sleeping on a blow-up mattress. Things were strewn across the rooms randomly. There were piles all over. We listened to Eddie Vedder and Jack Johnson and our Hawaii music. And we cried! We were about to take the leap.

When we listen to these artists these days, we can't help but remember the emotions we were feeling at that stage in our lives. It all just come rushing back as soon as we hit play on the iPod. Jack Johnson won me over even more so as I began reading about his green initiatives. I have so much respect for an artist that holds festivals like the Kokua Festival. All of the proceeds went toward environmental education in the Hawaii schools. And he does this every year! He purchases carbon offsets to make up for the carbon footprint left from holding such a venue. The list goes on and on. So needless to say, upon the announcement of the festival (it took a one year hiatus in '08, and in '07, we had only just arrived-- in fact, I don't think Austen was to Hawaii yet), I immediately made plans for us to attend. Yes, we have a baby now. I was NOT going to let that keep me from going to the Kokua Festival.

My friend Carissa was planning to come for her annual trip to Hawaii, so we made plans to all go together. Austen was working from Honolulu that day, and Carissa and I arrived Friday morning. Saturday morning, the day of the concert, we all decided to take Forest down to the keiki part of the beach on Waikiki. We were all laying on our towels, and Carissa and I spotted a man who looked strangely like Jack Johnson. He was talking to a woman with a large turban-looking headdress on. We debated back and forth for a while whether it could possibly be him. I argued, no way he would be at the beach. He had a show last night, and had another that night. I urged Carissa to go ask him if it was him. She said no. At this point, the look-alike had walked away from the woman he was talking to. I ran up to ask the woman if that was Jack Johnson.

Well, this woman happened to be Rita Marley. The Rita Marley who was married to Bob Marley. The Rita Marley whose son, Ziggy Marley, was also playing at the Kokua Festival. She told me he would be right back and that she would introduce me. I almost fainted. While waiting for him to return, she told me, "see, this is how Jah works." We briefly spoke about Buddhism. Jack Johnson then returned and Rita Marley introduced him to me. He kissed me on the cheek, as is customary here. He then agreed to take a picture. I waived the whole gang over, and Forest and Austen came over to meet him and get in the picture. I noticed that he was there with his family, and he told us that his baby girl is 8 months. I told him what big fans we are, and how excited we were to attend the concert. Carissa then got a picture, and we returned to our towels feeling like we were dreaming.

Needless to say, the show was amazing. All of the performers were great. Upon entering the Waikiki Shell, the keiki stage was set up and we sat down to an up close and personal kids show, where Jack Johnson played. On the main state later, Ziggy Marley played several songs from his children's album, Family Time (I highly recommend it to those of you with children). Rita Marley even sang one song with him. It was all like a dream.

Since returning from Oahu, it has been pretty busy. My mother-in-law came for a visit, and we rented a condo in Waikoloa. She wants to move to Hawaii and is in the dreamer stage herself. All I can say is it is a lot of work. And yes, you have some awesome experiences, but nothing takes away from the fact that we miss everyone from Texas. There are days where I miss my friends and family so much that I can't describe it. There are days where I feel like I am missing out on "normal" experiences, just to make it here. Things that are superficial and silly at times, but the feelings I have are real. Do any of you moms remember finding out you were pregnant? And can you remember how excited you were to set up the nursery? Well, we live in a tiny one-bedroom house. There is no nursery here. There is a crib and a changing table crammed in our room, along with a treadmill! And no, it's not a big deal. But it is a valid feeling, nonetheless.

Anyway, I was fortunate enough to have my first mother's day this year. Austen and I stayed an extra day after his mom left the condo. It was very spur of the moment, and quite wonderful. He took me out to eat and I remembered to catch a pic of me and my wonderful boy on our first mother's day.

It is strange to look back and realize how almost 6 months have just flown by. Yesterday, I gave Forest his first baby food. It was mixed veggies. He ate it up. I couldn't help but look at him sitting up in his high chair, feeling like he had just grown up before my eyes! I can hardly remember him being a tiny little five pounder now. He was so tiny, so fragile-seeming. And now he is a big, healthy, rolly polly--- one that can roll over and almost crawl. Oh my!

We are headed back to Waikoloa, for just one night, this weekend. My mom is bringing my sister to the island for the first time. I can't wait to see my mom. I can't help but feel guilty that she is missing out on Forest's childhood.

Anyway, I can't believe Forest is still asleep! I had the opportunity to eat lunch uninterrupted. Now I guess maybe I will have time to open mail, too! I better get to it before it is too late!

Until next time, aloha!

starting all over again, again!

2010-04-11T09:52:00.002-10:00

We have been very busy over here at the little Drake cabin in the jungle! One day last week, I decided I had had enough of the lack of functionality at our house. We need a real couch, one that two people can fit on. We need a tv in the living room, not in the bedroom! We need a truck that all three of us can safely fit in! We need a loft ladder that will let us safely go in and out of the loft! And so, the renovations have begun.

I had the satellite folks come out and move the box to the living room. This gave us a lot more room in the bedroom, since we are sharing it with the baby. We haven't found the perfect couch yet, as I refuse to spend $1700 on a set, only to have my spitter upper spit up all over them. And anyway, I'm sure he will be wanting to draw on things within a year. We did, however, find someone that wants to buy our little truck tomorrow. He test drove it yesterday and agreed to meet us at the bank in the morning. This is a start, because once we sell it, we can use the money toward a truck that is somewhat larger. Nothing excessive, but something that we can safely put the baby and carseat in. A truck is absolutely necessary where we live, due to that NASTY rubbish, which you haul yourself. Also, a truck gets you over our seasonal river whenever it comes up. So the hunt is on for a new (but used) truck, as well.

Austen has been busy working on the new ladder/stairs and everything that entails. He had to flip the sliding door, and now he has to flip the stairs outside. This will give the staircase more room, and will make the incline less steep. Genius!

Last night, we spent the evening at Home Depot (I guess we are officially getting old). We chose paint for the outside of the house, which is in desperate need of a paint job. I'm not so keen on mustard and ketchup colored houses. Painting will be such a huge ordeal, but at least we have started the process.

So, if anyone is wondering what we have been up to, this is what we will be up to for probably the next year, at least!

Aloha for now!

one year ago

2010-04-05T09:29:00.004-10:00

I have gotten into one habit that I would like to break. I started this blog for our family, so that I could document our journey here in Hawaii. I have tremendously decreased my posts, as I have been wanting to censor the blog, in a sense. There has been certain "drama," if you will, which has kept me from wanting to write as often. I will think of something that I want to write or a picture that I want to put in the blog, and then I think, oh, well what will so and so think of this? Is it going to upset him or her? And then I just skip the entry all together. Well that is officially coming to an end. This is my blog, and what is the point of it if I am censoring my thoughts? I realize that is a very vague statement, but I do not wish to go into detail. Which leads me to the following post. It might be TMI for some, but hey, it is my blog! :)

Easter has new meaning for me now, as it was on Easter Sunday last year that I thought I might be pregnant. I took a pregnancy test on Easter evening, as I had done probably 20 times before. We really wanted to get pregnant, and had been trying for some time. I was beginning to feel very down, wondering if something was wrong. I remember being in the bathroom that night. Austen was actually at work. I had just returned from going to school with my friend Tyson-- she is a marriage and family therapy master's student, and she had invited to me school with her that day, as they were supposed to bring a friend or spouse, and her husband was actually working that day. I went to class and shared with her that I had a feeling I might be pregnant. I told her not to get too excited, as it was only a feeling. But we both couldn't help but get too excited.

The test came back negative. I was officially bitter. I had been a social worker for approximately four years, which unfortunately brought me to see many things that I never wanted to see. One of the things a social worker often experiences is meeting people who have children that they really ought not have. I couldn't help but focus on the hundreds of women I had met over the past four years who had children that they neglected and abused. Many of these women have several such children. I couldn't help but feel angry, as I just wanted one! And I had worked hard to build a good life for myself, along with my husband, in preparation of being able to provide for a child. We had waited to "try" until we felt we were "ready." And here I was, sitting in the bathroom, angry. I began to cry, and I talked to God. I had my own little mini-bathroom pity fit, and tossed the test in the trash. I didn't tell Austen, as I didn't find any point in telling him that it didn't happen this time.

The next morning, I woke up with a secret intent to take one more test. I wasn't going to mention it, but I just felt the need to take one more. Slowly but surely, that little pink line ever so faintly began to show. I ran into the bedroom to show Austen the stick. I turned on the light and squealed that we were finally pregnant. This was the beginning of our little Forest.

I can't believe he is already four months old. The time just flies away. He has brought such incredible joy to our lives. Everything has new meaning. And because of this little guy, our lives will never be the same. Here I am, almost one year later. My five year social work career has come to a hiatus, as I am staying home with Forest. My life has changed in such a large way! Everything I do revolves around another tiny little life, and I love it. I am a mother, Austen is a (wonderful!) father.

As our second year in Hawaii comes to end and we venture into our third, I realize that "starting all over" will never end. There will always be something new, a new adventure, a new milestone. And I hope to do a better job of documenting it all!

Until next time, aloha!

this mom's day out

2010-03-03T09:00:00.007-10:00

Yesterday was very good for me, as I was able to get together with two other moms that have babies around Forest's age. I met them in the childbirth class at Hilo Medical Center, and we have kept in touch. We took all three babies to the zoo, and were able to talk about our experiences as new moms thus far. They are also exclusively breasfeeding their babies, so it was good to be able to talk about that. I don't know many moms that exclusively breasfed for very long, so it was helpful for me indeed. Our little babies all have very different personalities, and it was funny to see that during the couple of hours they were all together. Forest and Addison were somewhat demanding at times, screaming and crying throughout the outing. It was good for me to see that my baby is not the only high-demand baby, because sometimes it feels that way! Little Ava was mellow as could be, just relaxing in her stroller, hardly making a peep. The babies hardly paid attention to anything, and the outing ended up being for us moms more than for the babies.

Since that is all that has gone on recently, I feel the need to recap. Something that I failed to mention in January is that Austen received the award of employee of the year at his company. I am so very proud of him, title or no title, because I see how hard he works. He brings his work home, he works around the clock, and he never wants to let anyone down. He has the strongest work ethic of anyone I have met. And I am not just saying that because he is my husband.

That is the news of the new year that I missed when I skimped on my blogging. My favorite part of February was when my mom, aunt, and grandparents came to the island. My grandpa lived on Oahu when he was in the service, and has a deep love for Hawaii. I was glad that he was able to make it over, as things are getting increasingly difficult for him as he has been diagnosed with Alzheimers.

On Valentine's Day, they all babysat for us, and Austen and I were able to go on our first date without baby. We were able to go to dinner at a cafe where Lito Arkangel, the musician from our wedding, played. Talk about feeling things come full circle. Everytime we see him play, we are whisked away to that day in our lives. And to be here now, living on the island, with a baby who was born here, it makes us so thankful for all that we have and where we are now.

I hate to have to sum up events that have happened, becuase it just isn't the same-- which is part of the reason I am trying to get better with this blog. Social networking sites like facebook make me want to get on here less, but I have to remember that this blog is really for me. I have hopes of printing it out when it is done, and to have it as a journal of our journey. You can't do that with facebook.

Well, time to get back to Forest. He kept himself preoccupied starting at the ceiling fan for about 20 minutes, but I hear him getting restless now.

Aloha for now.

tsunami saturday

2010-03-02T09:04:00.003-10:00

This past week was an eventful one for us in the Drake family. I began work again, resigned, and braved a tsunami warning all in one week.

Work was just how I expected it to be. I felt so welcome coming back. I received phone calls from some of my clients within the first hour of my first day back. They had heard I was returning. Too bad, within my first hour of my first day, I knew it wasn't going to work.

Everyone wanted to see pictures of Forest. It was difficult to look at him, I missed him so much. And each day when I picked him up from childcare around 5, I was exhaused from being up since 4:30. I would bring him home and he would cry, because he is tired in the evenings. I truly knew it wasn't going to work when he had difficulty breastfeeding from a day of taking bottles.

It was very difficult telling my supervisor and my clients goodbye. At least I had the chance this time. Back in November, when Forest made his appearance so early and out of the blue, I didn't get that opportunity. I guess that was the good part about me coming back, if only for a few days.

So now I am back at home with Forest. For me, it was important to have tried going back. If I hadn't tried it, I would have always looked back wondering if I could have made it work. I will admit, I do feel like I have lost a large part of my identity. I am no longer a social worker. I worked hard for my degree and for my social work license. I believed in what I did and I felt such a calling to be part of that field. And now it is not part of my identity. I really felt it this weekend. I went to a baby shower and then a block party, and both times, it was awkward telling people about myself. As I would meet people and they would ask about me, I found myself feeling the need to explain: "I just resigned. I was a social worker. Now I'm staying at home." I guess for some reason I feel like it isn't enough. Even though it is too much! It's an odd feeling.

However, on Saturday, work was the furthermost thing from my mind, as we went through a full day of being under a tsunami warning. It began on Friday, when I had girls' night out with my friends (yay-- the first one in FOREVER!). Around 11, we received a text from Hawaii County Civil Defense. It stated that there was an earthquake in Chile, and that it was unknown if it would generate a tsunami, and when. The troubling part to me was that Austen had awakened that Friday with a dream of our little family escaping a tsunami on Hilo Bay.

When I got home a short while after the text message, Austen and I briefly discussed it and went to bed. When we woke up early Saturday, it was decided that we weren't going to brave the stores, and that he would just go fill up our potable water. When he returned, he told me that there were lines that were blocks long to fill up gas. He said that the store had a line of people waiting to get in. Then we just waited. It wasn't expected until after 11am. There was such uncertainty in the air. Watching the news, we just waited. There was a live cam on Hilo Bay. We watched as the tide went in and out, with the force of a rushing river. No, we didn't have a tsunami. But this alone was enough to bring goose bumps to my skin. It was unnatural, yet so natural, because it is nature and nature is unpredictable. I am just so thankful that we have a warning system like we do. People were safely evacuated. Civil defense and everyone else in Hawaii County treated the situation with urgency yet calmness. We were reminded that it is just a precaution, but that it needs to be taken seriously. Forest dressed appropriately for the warning:

When the warning was finally called off, we were able to breathe again. We were also able to realize that we have got to be better prepared. In case electricity goes off for days. In case ships don't come to deliver goods. In case...

So yesterday I went to Walmart and stocked up on a few necessities. I have more that I need to get, but will wait for a Kona Costco trip.

So that is our week in short. Everyone is still talking about Tsunami Saturday. It is hard to explain the way everyone felt here on this island. I am so thankful that nothing happened, but at the same time, it was amazing to see what little we did see.

Things like this help me keep things in perspective. When you think you have it bad, think about the people that are surviving devastation. The people in Samoa, hit by several natural disasters. The people of Haiti and Chile, affected by huge earthquakes. Do we really have it that bad, ever? Hell no. I am a stay at home mom. And I am so very fortunate.

Aloha for now.

doubt

2010-02-19T11:14:00.003-10:00

Today is Friday, the last weekday before my return to work. The anxiety that I have had all week has increased tremendously. I almost called my boss and told her that I can't do it. I hate feeling torn like this. I feel like I should give it a try, but as the day approaches, I am starting to feel that it is going to be impossible. One thing that I do know is that it truly sucks that women have to make this decision. I'm feeling so much doubt and anxiety, it is ridiculous!

changes

2010-02-18T10:22:00.003-10:00

Today, our sweet baby is 12 weeks old. I can't even begin to explain the many ways in which our lives have changed. I simply can not imagine our lives without him.

However, the first 8 weeks were not easy for me. I now realize that I likely suffered with some post-partum depression. I'm going to talk about it because I really don't see why it has to be something that isn't talked about. Tearfulness, full blown crying, feeling helpless and feeling like a bad parent are some of the things I struggled with daily. I had backpain for 6 weeks after delivery that was so severe that I could not carry my little five pound baby in his carseat, which really didn't help me with my feelings of sadness. Austen was at work, I was at home, and we don't have family here. This isn't to say that I don't have some of the best darn friends in the world-- my friends helped me tremendously. My friend Moani who is a mother to three children and a nurse told me that these feelings were common and that I had to go easy on myself. Still, I didn't know why my sweet baby boy couldn't make me happy and why things weren't perfect. I now know that over 10% of mothers suffer from postpartum depression-- and it is likely under reported due to the stigma associated with depression. As new mothers, why are we under the impression that things will be perfect? It is such an unrealistic expectation. Your life changes in the most drastic ways, your body changes, your hormones change, family dynamics change, and we somehow expect things to be perfect.

Forest had a few problems at the beginning. Of course, he was a preemie, and they often times come with complications. Most troublesome was his vomiting. After about the third week, Forest began to have trouble holding down his milk. I'm not talking about a little bit of spit up. I'm talking about vomiting, sometimes projectile. When you are a new mother struggling with breastfeeding, it is so difficult to see your baby vomit over an ounce of the milk you worked so hard to feed him! When we went to the doctor, I had mentioned this, not realizing that it could be a big deal. His doctor immediately sent us out for x-rays and a sonogram. We were looking out for pyloric stenosis, which would have to be tended to with surgery on Oahu. This was a pretty scary (and long) day. At the end of the day when results came back in, the doctor told me that she felt comfortable ruling pyloric stenosis out. She did believe that he had colic and gastroesophageal reflux. She told me that we could put Forest on medication, but I was uncomfortable with this at this young age. She had me try rice cereal in his bottle, which did not make a different. So we are still left with the vomiting after most feedings, but he seems to be gaining weight just fine (he is in the 50 percentile).

Going home to Texas in January helped a lot. My mother had a gathering for family to come meet Forest, and that was so special for me. I returned to Hawaii and began working out again, which is the main reason I feel I am back to my normal self again. I have felt good for a few weeks now. The prescription I needed was family, activity, and healthy eating. Forest has gotten into a routine and is much less fussy than he used to be. I have also had to come to the realization that the poor thing hurts some when he eats-- and that would make me cry too, if I were him. The past two weeks have been the most fun, because he now smiles at me all the time, and babbles. He is so much fun to watch and play with.

Another issue that has been a difficult one has been the decision to return to work or not. I go back and forth pretty much daily (or hourly possibly). Austen and I have spent several hours talking about it and have decided to give it a try. My friend Jessica, who has three children, referred me to a woman that used to watch her kids. Austen and I met her after having met some other women, and we felt 100% comfortable with her. So we have decided that I am going to TRY going back to work. If it doesn't work out, then I tried. I have no reservations quitting right then and there if it doesn't work. If they cannot accomodate me pumping, if it is like it used to be when I usually had to time to eat lunch (let alone PUMP!) then I will not stay. The most important thing is my child and the things that I have already decided are important, such as breastfeeding. So Monday is the big day, I will return to work and see how it goes.

Forest has been the best thing that has ever happened to me. I would like to share a story, and I will make it quick. When I lived in Texas, I had precancerous cells in my cervix. I had had a few little procedures to remove the cells and biopsy them. It never ended up being a big deal. When I moved to Hawaii, I saw my new OBGYN only two months after my last appointment in Texas. He found an area that was not noticed by my doctor in Texas. The cells were high grade precancer. I had two colposcopies and then I had another procedure called a LEEP, where a larger section was removed and biopsied. It was when my doctor told me that he would have recommended a full hysterectomy that Austen and I knew we needed to try to have a baby now. And so for about a year, we tried. Just when I was beginning to worry, Forest came into the picture. Since that day, I have never felt the same, and I have realized that everything does happen for a reason. I feel fortunate to have moved here and found a great doctor. I realize that cells change and cancer could be in my future, but I am glad that Forest is a part of our lives. God is good, and I couldn't be more thankful.

Since having Forest, Austen and I have made a point to get healthy. We want to be good role models. We both have memories of our mothers feeding us well. Austen grew up on a farm, where they grew their own veggies. My mom was always buying organic, before it was trendy. We didn't eat fast food often, or junk. This is how we want Forest to be raised, and it has forced us to be much better about eating. This is just another little way our lives have changed for the better.

Anyway, I haven't blogged in forever, as usual, and feel I should catch you all up on what has been going on with us. I will definitely add pictures as time allows, but Forest has just awakened and is crying (he has a very healthy appetite!).

Aloha for now.

baby forest

2009-12-06T09:47:00.003-10:00

Most of you who read our blog surely know by now that Forest came early. And since he is sleeping right now, I figured there is no better time than now to finally update my blog. I have been so neglectful of this blog for the past several months, and it is my New Year's resolution to improve with updating it.

The week of Thanksgiving was very trying. I kept on truckin' with work, which consists of driving all over the east side of this island making outreaches and homevisits to my "crazy" people. I say that with love, because I have really grown to love working with adults with severe mental illness. Speaking of crazy, it was a crazy few months. I had some clients with some major crises, and also made a lot of progress with one client in particular, who made huge strides with his treatment (in part to my persistence, I must say). I had several clients that lived far from town, so I was doing a lot of driving, which proves very challenging when you are very pregnant and have very poor bladder control. So that was frustrating... but I kept on going, knowing that the more money I make, the more we can save for this baby.

And work wasn't thaaat bad, until the week of Thanksgiving. I wanted nothing more than to give up. Something was different with my body, and I knew it. Usually quite chipper and happy at work, I was one grumpy woman. I was having these contractions that were long-- up to four minutes, and quite regular (on the hour). I got into the doctor on the Monday of Thanksgiving week. He told me I was 75% effaced, but not dilated even a centimeter. He told me that these "contractions" were abnormal, probably Braxton Hicks, but abnormal nonetheless. Nothing to worry about, and no, I wasn't going into labor anytime soon. Baby hadn't dropped all the way, and I really hadn't dilated. So back to work I went, getting grumpier every day. I just didn't feel right.

Wednesday, I was so in need of a break. I had a hard time getting through the day. When I got home, I pretty much lost it and told Austen that there is no way I could carry on like this for another month. I told him something didn't feel right, and that no one ever tells you that you will be in actual pain, as opposed to discomfort, for the last month of pregnancy. I told him that I couldn't imagine carrying on like that for a whole month. I told him how upset I was that we weren't prepared yet-- our baby dresser still hadn't arrived in the mail (it was two weeks late), I hadn't done my temporary disability paperwork, neither one of us had begun to take care of work stuff to make it possible for us to take time off. We hadn't even packed a hospital bag.

Thursday arrived, and we were happy to spend Thanksgiving at home. We had declined dinner at Cousin Patric's knowing that I would be too uncomfortbale to spend a couple hours in the car each way. We watched the Cowboy's game. I made roast, asparagus, salad, and rolls for our Thanksgiving meal. We began to watch the Longhorns game. I kept telling Austen that something was going on. I told him that I thought we could have the baby by the weekend. We began to try to get ourselves in gear, not knowing exactly what to think. My "abnormal contractions" were carrying on, confusing the hell out of me, since I didn't know if they were Braxton Hicks or real. Then, like a ton of bricks, a contraction hit me, hard. I told him to turn the game off. I am a Longhorn. He knew I was serious. But I still didn't know for sure what was going on. We let a few more go on and timed them. And they were getting more severe and closer. We thought it might be real, so we headed to the hospital.

Looking back, the drive to the hospital could have been in a comedy movie. Driving down our bumpy, unpaved road was torture. And then when we got to the pavement, all these people were walking around in these strange get-ups! They were dressed like people in Jesus' time. Long, flowy garbs. No shoes. And they were walking oh so slowly and they were all over the place! I asked Austen what kind of freak show this was and yelled for them to get the hell out of the road. Hey, I was in severe pain at this point. And really confused, wondering if I was delirious.

Austen drove us to the hospital, which is probably about 15 miles away. I yelled the whole time. There was little time to recover between the contractions. When we arrived, they checked me out, and my water broke on a nurse when she was checking how dilated I was. In no time, I went from 3-4 centimeters to 10. And like that, Forest was born. No joke, my entire labor was about 5 hours, from the time we left home to the time we delivered! My doctor was the doctor on call, which was the best part of it all. He joked that I just had to have him early since I knew he would be on vacation when Forest was supposed to be due (December 24th). I have the upmost respect for my doctor, and he has the lowest c-section rate of all the doctors here. He does it only when absolutely necessary, it always made me feel comfortable to know that.

Forest had his cord wrapped around his neck twice. Austen wasn't able to cut the cord until after the doctor did. This cord wrapping had Forest in a very compromising position, evidently, as his little head and nose were smooshed on the right side. The nurses had me give him a kiss before taking him away to his own little isolette in the nursery, because he wasn't breathing right. After about an hour, I was able to walk into the nursery and look at him. And to touch his tiny little hand. Then it was time to get some rest.

In the morning, my wonderful coworkers and friends came to see us. At this time, they let me go in to see Forest again. We took pictures and were so happy. I met his pediatrician for the first time, and she told me he was breathing better. She told me he might get to come be in my room by the end of the day.

Austen's coworkers then came to visit-- and at this time, they wheeled Forest's bassinette into my room. This was the best part of the entire hospital visit. He was able to stay in my room. He was still on an IV and heart monitor, but he didn't need the constant monitoring anymore.

Saturday morning, there was talk of letting us leave. My doctor then came in and told me we would be able to go home. I was thrilled! We left the hospital around 11am and headed home. I made Austen go get that dresser that finally came in, and he put it together that day.

Forest has been wonderful. He has no problems with breastfeeding, which of course means he is a genius (hehe). The nurses said that premies often have a lot of difficulty. Not my Forest! He caught right on.

Forest is still tiny, of course. He was 5 lb, 12 oz. and 19 inches long. He lost some weight, but is up to about 5 lb, 8 oz. The doctor says he is gaining almost an ounce a day.

So that is the story of Forest William Drake. More stories to come, as I vow to do better now with the blogging.

Aloha for now!

dreams

2009-08-20T17:58:00.002-10:00

I have to fess up-- the strange pregnancy dreams have begun, and they freak me out. And I had a dream that I have to get off my chest.

I dreamed that we had little Forest. And he came out in a gallon-size Ziploc baggy. Frozen. Like a piece of chicken. And he looked most like an alien. He was tiny, maybe a pound or so. I had to thaw him out by rubbing the bag in my hands. Then he came to life and was extremely squirrely-- he moved faster than I could keep up with. He kept getting away from me. And I was all bent out of shape, not because he was an alien child who lived in a Ziploc, but because I couldn't nurse!!! What on earth is this dream trying to tell me? That I am flippin nuts from too much social work? I don't know, but I figure I will admit to my insane dream and move on.

On a less disturbing note, I am 22 weeks and this is the last week of my 5th month. I am planning on making a trip out to Kona either this weekend or next to get a car seat and stroller. Very exciting, indeed!

Austen has continued his hard work on the lanai. Which is great, since the guavas are back out and Maverick eats so many that he throws up pretty much daily. We are ready to have him penned up and out of trouble.

Aloha until next time!

oahu, texans, guns and mangos

2009-08-17T17:26:00.007-10:00

Ahh, August. I can't believe it is already halfway over. It was over a year ago that I started at APS Healthcare. Yes, I did have a couple of months off with the layoff. Regardless, it is strange to think that over a year ago, I began working with the severely mentally ill population. I never would have guessed that it would be so similar to my past work of social work with children.

So, I guess I have reached another milestone here in Hawaii. One year of being a resident came so fast. And now, here I am, a year after starting the newest chapter in my professional career. Time really does fly. Speaking of which, I am almost through my fifth month of pregnancy! Now that really went fast. REALLY! Yes, the first two months crept by (miserably, I might add). But here I am almost in my sixth month. Where did the time go?

Having something living inside me is unlike anything I have ever experienced. I never thought it would be possible to think of something day and night. I dream about Forest. I think about him with every bite I take. With every mile that I don't walk but know that I should. With every ounce of water I drink. I think about what he will be, what he will look like. When I am not working, I am consumed with thinking about this little man who lives inside me. I am in utter amazement that I am going to be a mom. It is fantastic. Somehow, I think that thinking about him has helped me to enjoy life a little more. I certainly do appreciate life a little more, that's for sure. Whenever I have one of those days (as I often do, being a social worker) where I feel like I made a huge mistake going into this field, I remind myself that I am doing it for my son. For our family. And that I am lucky-- I have a job, I am going to be a mom. That right there is enough to keep me going. And then before I know it, I have forgotten my woes. It's fabulous.

Some moments are, however, already uncomfortable. I pee four times each night. No joke. I've just gained 9 or 10 pounds-- but every time I roll over in bed, it is a struggle. I can't get up from sitting as easily. And this isn't even the beginning of what I know is ahead. Moreover, my energy plummets the second I walk in the door from work. I am not good at staying up past 9pm.

Which could NOT have possibly been enjoyable for our guests Tim and Amy, who left this evening. Aside from my early nights, I think they had at least some fun at the Drake Cabin. We had a great time on Oahu the weekend before last, where we stayed in Austen's company townhouse in Ko'olina. It was beautiful. I can't wait to go back with little Forest next time (and the adorable swim trunks I couldn't help but get him).

And this past weekend, well we went mango picking and gun shooting for Austen's work outing. I think everyone had a great time. I know I did! Austen works with a GREAT crew of people. And then we were able to meet up with even more Texans, Austen's old coworker Andy and his wife Allison. What a great weekend.

So that is a little synopsis of what has been going on with us. Austen is working on the lanai as we speak-- young Maverick has been very enticed by the guavas that are currently everywhere on our property, and we can't wait to get him penned in to prevent the throwing up that was inevitable last night. Enough said with that!

Oh yes-- and last but not least, the high speed internet is AWESOME! I can load pics, surf craigslist for baby stuff, you name it! What a wonderful thing.

So that's the update with our little ohana. Aloha for now!

HELLO!!!?

2009-07-28T20:51:00.002-10:00

OK, I am going to add a few Texas pics to my post down below from earlier in July. But somehow I failed to mention that Austen went fishing with a buddy while I was still in Texas-- and caught a 500 POUND MARLIN!!! Hello??!!!

now i really have no excuses!

2009-07-28T20:05:00.005-10:00

When I received the call from Hawaiian Telcom, I thought hell had frozen over. It's official-- we are getting high speed internet on Friday! This is a huge deal, because they told us last year that there was no new service in the area. Most frustrating, they told me there was no waiting list that we could get on. But for whatever reason, they called us and left a message on the home phone that there is availability now for us to get high speed internet. So, there must have been a list because they called us. And there is now availability-- so someone either died or moved! Either way, I am pleased that we are getting high speed internet, finally. But I will truly have no more excuses with my lack of blog posts.

Well, as most have probably heard by now, we had the big sonogram last week and found out that we are having a boy. I am extremely pleased with this news, as I have kind of been purchasing items that are more on the "boy" color scheme. Wishful thinking, maybe? Could be because I am not the girly-girl type and I just couldn't see dressing my baby in head to toe pink every day. Regardless, it worked out, because we are going to have a boy. He had the CUTEST little profile. I know, it's a sonogram picture, and you can't see jack. But I still think he is simply adorable. And today, he moved and I felt it. What an amazing and strange feeling. I guess it is real. ;)

I will be 19 weeks on Thursday, and feel like I am "showing" all of a sudden, as of this day. Could be that it's all in my head, but I do feel that I am suddenly larger. My clients mostly have no idea that I am pregnant, and I really wanted to keep it that way as long as possible, but at the same time, I was beginning to worry that something was wrong with me for not showing. I watch entirely too much Discovery Channel, and these women would be on TV, and say, "oh, I am 12 weeks!" and they would have bellies the size of bowling balls. Well, the doctor erased my fears of being too small when she told us that the baby is actually on the larger side of normal. She said that can be expected since we are both larger than average (evidently, I am the average American man, standing at 5'9"). So, anyway, I am no longer concerned with size.

Austen and I have been hard at work on our lanai project. Austen has designed the perfect deck. It is about 600 square feet, and it is covered. There is a small area of grass around the parameters of it for the dogs to go to the bathroom. We are going to fence it in so that the boys can be let outside without having to worry about them wandering off. It's genious! My husband is so great for thinking of this perfect lanai. Best of all, Maverick spending time outside means fewer golden retriever hairs all over our house! This makes me quite happy!

So that is what we have been up to over at the Drake cabin. Busy as ever and getting ready for Forest Drake. We couldn't be more excited. Aloha for now!

does a slow internet connection work for an excuse?

2009-07-17T21:50:00.004-10:00

OK, so I haven't improved even a little with my blogging. I know, I know... I said I would be better about it now that I am feeling better and all. Obviously, I lied.

Yes, I do feel better, and I also have more energy than I did 2 months ago. But work is still work, and time at home is still, well, it's spent sleeping! ;)

We are a little over 17 weeks along now, and if we are lucky, we will find out the sex of the baby next week for my appointment in Honolulu. We will definitely update the blog if we find out.

My trip to Texas in July and August was so very nice. I can't believe I had been on this one little Big Island for about 14 months! I was able to see almost everyone at least once. My sister's wedding was quite the event, and then my wonderful cousin, aunt, and uncle threw a surprise baby shower for me! It was so great-- Austen and I are so fortunate. We are looking forward to the Kona Target opening at the end of the month so that we can get baby furniture! Aside from the wedding and shower, I was able to squeeze in an overnight Austin trip, and was able to meet up with some really great friends. It made me miss my loved ones even more, but I was happy to get back home to Hawaii. I was lucky in that I didn't suffer from jet lag when I returned. It was back to work the next day, and back to the daily grind.

Austen's trip was much less relaxing, due to a short trip with just as many people that he wanted to see. But I think it was nice for him to be home under better circumstances than his last Texas visit. He ended up with strep throat as soon as he arrived, but went to the doctor and got it taken care of. Of course, it came back as soon as he got back to Hawaii and finished his antibiotic, but he seems to be doing a lot better today.

Maverick and Lambert were very well taken care of by my wonderful coworker and her grandson, who stayed at our house while we were gone. That right there was a blessing. We didn't have to worry about being robbed, and we didn't have to board the boys at some depressing kennel. Let me just tell you, I was THRILLED to be back with my guys. They are such good dogs, and I missed them each day I was away.

Patric comes over tomorrow-- we are joining him at his friend's dinner party tomorrow night. It has been way too long since we have seen him, so that will be a joy. There isn't a better person to spend a Saturday evening with than Patric.

Aloha for now!

excuses, excuses

2009-06-13T16:15:00.004-10:00

I fully understand that I could very well be the absolute worst blogger ever! I have been so bad about getting on here and updating. My excuses are as follows: 1) I am still in my first trimester, and can't remember feeling this tired since I was a growing teenager with insomnia 2) Austen travels 2-3 times a week and takes the internet air card with him, and 3) I am still a social worker. The stars have to align for me to feel like I have the energy to write without feeling compelled to bitch about social work and to actually have internet connectivity.

So here I am, feeling like I have enough energy to spit out some words, with the ability to get online. The stars have aligned, yet we don't have much that has been going on! Austen and I just spent the day up near Kawaihae, at the beach. Of course I forgot our snorkels, which is very unlike me, but frustrating indeed! That side of the island is almost two hours away, so poor planning can break a day. But we had fun, nonetheless. My friend Carissa and I had been out to this beach last year with Patric, and he showed us where Neil Young's house is (or one of many, I presume). So it was fun being able to show Austen where the house was, since he is a big fan. And the weather was beautiful (no vog!), making for a perfect day. We ended our little trip with some really good Mexican food in Kawaihae-- a very nice treat.

As of Thursday, I am 12 weeks pregnant. According to all of these books I have, I am not out of the first trimester until 13 weeks, but I feel like I should be able to say I am past my first trimester. I feel a lot better than I did at first, and do have some energy back, but still have bouts of gagging and feeling sick. This usually occurs at night now, which is a vast improvement from my previous feel-like-crap-except-at-lunchtime-sickness. At least I am getting some nutrients to that bebe! I have only gained two pounds, which was surprising to me, because I feel much bigger. At Friday's doctor appointment, we were also able to hear the heartbeat. It was fast and strong and oh so cute. It was pretty much just as exciting as the sonogram for me. In four weeks I will have some blood work, weighing, and measuring. But the big visit is after that one, when I am flown to Oahu's Kaiser clinic to have another sonogram, which might reveal the sex of the baby. Very exciting indeed. Of course, all of this will be after I return from Texas.

Which I am looking forward to more than one could possibly imagine! I am ready to eat, to shop, to see my family and friends, and to RELAX (not work!). I can't wait. The only thing I am not looking forward to is the heat, but I figure that will just make me appreciate Hawaii all the more. Once I return from TX, Target will be open on the Kona side of the island-- which makes me happy, since I am pregnant. We are quite limited here with clothing and baby items, and Target has a maternity line, as well as great baby stuff. Here, we have WalMart, we have Macy's, and we have Ross. And that's about it. Keep in mind it is damn near impossible to find clothing for "tall" people (I am only 5'9"!), since this population seems to be quite short! There are several petite sections in each store, but never tall. But it's all good-- I look forward to stocking up on items for tall pregnant people!

Aside from that, our life is just moving right along. Austen continues to work his butt off, and travel as needed. He spends at least one day a week in Kona, and often a day or even two on Oahu. I know that he is looking forward to relaxing in Texas as well. He needs a break more than me, since I had my lay-off stint in the winter. It will be good for him. But we both feel very fortunate to have two incomes right now, when all we hear about on the news is lay-offs.

Maverick and Lambert are doing well, and really love Hawaii. Maverick enjoys exploring around our lot, and basking in the sun. Lambert enjoys.. well, whatever Maverick is doing.

So, like I said, nothing much has been going on, but I vow to try to do a better job with this blog! Aloha for now!

what's inside me

2009-05-23T07:53:00.002-10:00

keeping secrets

2009-05-20T18:11:00.002-10:00

Well I have been avoiding the blog, knowing that the only thing on my mind was the one thing I couldn't share. But I do not feel like I can continue to keep the secret, so I will admit that I am pregnant.

I had a little scare after only one week, which made me want to hide the fact even more. But, a scare is all it was-- everything is going as planned at this point, and I was able to see the heartbeat at my appointment last week. The baby looks like a little honu (turtle that is, for you Texans). It has arm buds and leg buds, and apparently, a heart! I am only about 9 weeks along, so I am still reluctant sharing the news, but like I said, I had to.

So, this post is short and sweet, because the pregnancy (and the sickness that came along with it) is all that has been going on the past month. Now I can continue my blog with honesty!

By the way, May 5th was my Hawaii anniversary. I have been here a year now. Time flies.

Aloha for now.

easter eggs

2009-04-12T18:26:00.008-10:00

Well today was a nice little Easter Sunday here at the Drake household. I actually went to marriage and family therapy school with my friend Tyson. I am intersted in the Argosy master's program, and today her class invited visitors, so I was happy to join. It was very interesting, and I had such a good time. She has such a great group in her co-hort. We laughed, we cried, we ate. My friend is going to be such a great therapist, and it was great seeing where she is learning it all from.

After class, Austen found some very interesting eggs in the yard. Any of you out there who have visited us know what coqui frogs are. They are tiny little frogs that are HATED out here, because they are an invasive species that was brought over by accident from South America. Anyway, I was sitting inside sending my mom a message when I hear Austen. He is outside pulling off dead palm fronds. "Babe, you need to come see this. I think these are coqui eggs!"

Talk about amazing. Seeing tiny life forms, wiggling around, actually jumping in their egg sacs! And to see their little tails, their little eyes! Simply amazing. We stared at them for five minutes, took pictures, and couldn't believe seeing life, in an egg. Granted, most people would squash them immediately. But that's not us. So we just stared in awe at the little sperm-like creatures.

That's our Easter for ya! Of course we couldn't help but think about our families, about our first Easter away from family. It made me recall Easter of last year. In fact, I just saw our folder on the laptop titled "Easter with Drakes" from last year. For your enjoyment, here is what was going on last Easter in our lives:

And, later (notice the apartment is almost all packed up, and we were having our last moments of fun with our hats-- we couldn't take them along to Hawaii)...

All I can say is poor Maverick.

My new/old job is about the same as it was, but a little calmer. It's strange though, it seems as though we are all quite jaded from the whole rollercoaster that has been our employment. Some people were laid off for three months, some for three days, some for three hours. A few of us came back, a few of us never even left before the layoff was "taken back." A rollercoaster is the best way to describe it. For those of you who have never been laid off, it involves quite a few emotions. Sadness. Guilt. Hatred. Anger. Loss. Grief. Humor! It's like a cycle, and each person deals with it differently. For me, I was sad at first, and then angry. I found myself wishing I had worked harder. Then I found myself angry because I thought of some people who weren't asked to leave, and I compared myself. I became very critical of myself.

And then they asked me back. Now how in the heck do you approach something like that? With humor and humility. I have settled with gratitude. I am thankful for this job, which for whatever reason, I have come to love. Maybe it is the craziness, maybe it is the chaos. I know it has a lot to do with the population we serve.

Anyway, things were good back at work. My first week was positive, mostly because that is the attitude I have chosen to adopt. Remain positive regardless of the situation. It is amazing what a difference this philosophy can make in ones life. And I have to thank my husband for helping me with this.

So is our life this week! A whole lot of nothing but frog eggs! But that's ok by us.

Aloha for now.

the saga continues

2009-03-29T12:00:00.003-10:00

The past couple weeks have been interesting. Week before last, my old job ended up offering me my job back. Perfect timing, right? I had already firmly decided that it was for the best that I never heard back from them and that my friend said the position was frozen for a while. It made it so much easier not even having to think about what to do. And then HR called, and I had to think about it again. Of course I had to take it, the money is so much better than where I am at. And who can really predict how long anyone's job is going to be there? Not in these times. Especially not jobs that rely on funding from the state, and especially when said state is Hawaii (we are in some tough times, people-- paradise is full of people unable to find work). So, I took the dang offer.

I told my current job what's going on, and how I couldn't pass it up. My supervisor said she understood, and that she would do the same thing. But of course I still feel terribly guilty about it all. And what's worse, I like where I'm at! I just don't like doing group on Friday night, when the rest of the world is beginning the weekend.

I start back with APS Healthcare on April 6th. I have mixed feelings about it all. I really like some of the people that still work there, so that makes it nice to go back. But some are the most negative, unhealthy people you can imagine, and I think I let them bring me down when I worked there before. This time, I will make myself remain positive. I will make myself work out after a long day of work, so that I can keep the endorphins going. I will refrain from eating crap just because I am in a mega-rush all over the island in order to make enough units with clients. Most importantly, I will not let the things people say bring me down.

About my old/new job: the program I used to work for, Community Based Case Management (CBCM) closed down. It was funded by Hawaii Adult Mental Health. Now, I will be part of Community Care Service (CCS) which is Medicaid funded. Essentially, it will be the same kind of service that I provided with CBCM, but with less restrictions and hopefully less risk of funding being lost. But like I said before, who knows in these economic times.

So I have one more week with Turning Point for Families, and then it is back to my old/new job. And thankfully, it is almost summer, and the rain will be slowing down the next couple months. That means back to the beach. I have missed it so!

I am so very excited to go back to Texas in June and July. I can't believe it has already been almost a year. Time flew by. I have already been thinking about all the things I want to do... eat at Chuy's and La Madeleine and Chipotle, eat good salsa, shop for clothes for tall people (you would be amazed at what an impossible task that is here), see my friends and family... it is going to be wonderful! I am somewhat concerned about taking off so much time from my new/old job, because I feel like I really need to walk on eggshells there (I have seen their wrath!). Regardless, I booked my OVER $1000 flight (!!!!!!), and I am going home! I am going to my sister's wedding, come hell or high water! And once we return, we have an influx of visitors... my friend Carissa, our friends and old neighbors the Bermans, and Austen's old coworker Andy and his wife. After that, his mom returns for a visit, and then maybe my mom at some point (hopefully). Summer should be fun!

I guess I had better get out of here and get my errands over with... I have been putting them off for weeks. Not a fan of going into town.

Aloha for now!

any advice?

2009-03-21T10:41:00.004-10:00

Aloha! No big updates this week... work is going well, I really can't complain! Feels so good to be working again-- I have learned that I am definitely somebody who needs daily interaction. Staying at home by myself everyday is not my schtick. I really enjoy being out in the community and meeting people and helping them.

Is there anybody who uses the iphone and knows of a good blogging app? I would prefer one that allows me to upload pics. Just a thought, if anyone has any good advice...

We went to Kona last weekend for the Kona Brewer's Festival 5k. We left Friday after work. We took Saddle Road and were able to get a good view of the mountains. We saw Mauna Kea and Mauna Loa, and Mauna Kea was still covered with snow.

Austen and I had a great time in Kona. The weather was cooler and breezier than normal, and we even got a refreshing shower toward the end of the run. After the race, there was a beer tasting at Kona Brewing Company. We then headed to the hotel to shower and check out, and then we spent time in Kona just hanging out and enjoying life. We stopped at a beachfront restaurant for a brew in the afternoon, and saw at least three whales displaying quite a show. It was breath taking, to say the least. Was too amazed to think to pull out my camera.

On the way home, we stopped at the place of our wedding ceremony (Anaehoomalu Bay) for sunset. One FANTASTIC weekend, if I do say so myself!

Speaking of the wedding ceremony, on Wednesday I went to a bar called Coqui's Hideaway after work with Austen and a couple of coworkers. The guy who played at our wedding, Lito Arkangel, was playing! It was so great. He is a really talented musician. We had a wonderful time.

Today we are going to get things in order here at the house; yardwork and laundry are definitely in order!

On that note, I guess I had better get to work! Aloha for now!

decisions, decisions

2009-03-11T20:10:00.003-10:00

Things got pretty interesting last week when my old place of employment contacted me about coming back. You can probably imagine how mixed my feelings were.

There are a few things I should just be honest about: I make very little money now. I made a lot more money previously. Also, I was pretty stressed out where I was before-- the amount of paperwork coupled with the stressfulness of working with the severe mental illness population (not to mention billing quotas) made for a chaotic day everyday. I feel pretty good about the place I am at now-- paperwork is still overwhelming, but I have a more predictable schedule. That makes for a pretty tough decision.

I flip-flopped with the whole decision for a few days. Last weekend, we were rained in, giving me plenty of time to dwell on the matter. I had no idea what to do. If I went back to my old job, would I just be laid off again? I interviewed, and my old boss said, "who knows what will happen. But with the stimulus package, there is more funding." She didn't try to coax me into coming back; she knew what my reservations were. But she made sure I knew that they had three positions to fill, and that they called back three people. She told me that it was all up to me, and that I could expect an offer. The other two had already interviewed and accepted. I had a hard time fitting this sneaky interview into my new work schedule, so mine wasn't until the end of the week (Fridays are my late days, so I had the morning off). I was really thinking about going back. I still couldn't stop thinking about all that extra money I would be making!

Sunday night, I was laying in bed. Freaking out. Kind of leaning toward staying with my new job, but wondering if that was a bad decision. And finally, I prayed to have the decision taken out of my hands.

Monday morning I found out that they were holding off on filling the third position. There was a freeze.

The feeling of relief was overwhelming. What if I had interviewed earlier in the week and accepted a position? What if I would have given up my new job, the one that took me two months to find? Only to worry about being laid off again, or to actually have my offer taken away before I even started? I made the right decision. Or, I should say, the decision was made for me.

Aside from that, like I said, the rain has been unbearable. It rained 23 inches in two days at our house, and the roof began to leak again. Our driveway and road were flooded, and kept us trapped at home. Today (Wednesday), the sun finally peeked out from behind the clouds. That was much-needed.

This weekend, we are headed to Kona for a 5k. My training has been lacking, I really only run a couple (three if I am lucky) miles every other day. But it will be fun, nonetheless. We are hoping to get to meet up with Jeanne for lunch or something somewhere along the way. Our friend has so kindly agreed to watch our dogs here at the house, so we are very grateful for that. These mutts are always my number one priority when we have to leave town-- I have a hard time leaving them!!

Austen went to Honolulu for work yesterday, so he seems slightly worn out from the week already. But he has been handling stress amazingly, which trickles down to me.

I get to go to my first social work training since Texas tomorrow and Friday, so I am actually excited about that. I miss stuff like that.

I guess that sums it up, and it is almost time for bed here... so aloha for now!

"starting all over again"

2009-03-02T18:54:00.004-10:00

Well, I am beat. I am too dang worn out to tell you much more than that. Today was my first day at work at my new job. A new agency. And it was a lot to soak in. What I do understand is that I will assist people in completing TROs (that's "temporary restraining orders" to you not in-the-know re. DV issues). I will be advocating for clients in court. I will be case managing clients that receive services. And I will be providing groups to clients. That is what I do know!

I also know that after two months of being unemployed, I am going to have to get adjusted to work-life again. I will have to juggle being a social worker and all the other duties in my life (making dinner, cleaning our floors of Maverick hair, trying to help with the yard and garden, cleaning dishes, getting water, caring for my little dog-babies, taking care of my husband, jogging, watching The Soup and allowing my husband to bring me my coffee in the morning...). I will do this with a smile, because all are part of who I am. And I am so very grateful to have a job again, helping others. But, I know that everytime I have begun a new job and a new journey, I have felt overwhelmed. And I know I felt overwhelmed today...

Until, right after lunch (when my energy levels were becoming depleted because I ate sooo much less than I usually do (I am a monster/machine!!!!), when I was sitting at someone's desk doing some paperwork in a file, I heard...

"starting all over again is going to be rough for us, we're gonna make it..." (if you haven't heard this song, it is by Israel Kamakawiwo'ole, and it is one of my favorite songs)

Aloha for now (until I have more time and energy to post!) :)

hawaii+ashley= EYE DISEASE IN REMISSION!!!!

2009-02-24T08:14:00.002-10:00

OK, I swear this is the last post where I will use silly equations. I just can't help myself.

I had an appointment at Kaiser with my eye specialist yesterday. There was definitely some good news.

My uveitis and pars planitis are in remission. I have had two good visits with no new inflammation since moving to Hawaii. I saw my new eye doctor after living here for about four months. And then again, five months after that (it was supposed to be after three months, but I put it off). Both visits showed no new inflammation. To put this in perspective for you, consider this: we have known about this disease for about 5 years. Back in Texas, out of the five years that I saw my doctor, I probably had a total of two or three good visits where I didn't have to receive any treatment at all. Treatments ranged from steroid injections into the back of the eye to steroid eye drops; plus I often received dye tests to pinpoint inflammation sights. I recieve testing every two years to make sure that we aren't missing an underlying cause for the conditions. Testing includes blood tests, chest x-ray, and MRIs with contrast. In 2007, I saw a rheumatologist who found that I have a gene called HLA B27. This gene has been known to be associated with inflammation diseases, such as my eye disease and psoriasis. I have both. Lab rats with the gene that lived in an unsterile environment developed uveitis. I am human, and I lived in DFW-- an unsterile environment. So we think we found the cause of my eye disease, and we can only hope that is the only reason I developed it. The thing is, there isn't anything you can do to cure it. So if it is inactive, that is great. Here is a little blurb in case you need a recap: http://retinamd.com/uveitis.htm

This is a pretty big deal to me. I don't have to go back for TWO YEARS if I don't have any issues. Fortunately, I know my eyes, and I know when they are inflamed. I can feel it and I can see it (rather, I can't see out of them). So I know when I need to call the doc.

My doctor cracked me up. After not seeing him for a few months (keep in mind I had just arrived to HI when I first saw him), he asked, "so, have you gone back to Texas yet?" I replied, "no" and couldn't help but laugh a little. He then said, "so I guess you like it here?" "Mmm hmm," I said as he yanked on my eye lid and shined a light at the top. "I can't believe it looks like it has gone away," he said at the end of the examination. "I guess all I can say is stay in Hawaii."

Looks like I am going to have to: I got a job offer, which I accepted, with a nonprofit called Child and Family Service. It is the largest and oldest nonprofit in the state, so I am hoping layoffs are not part of their regular happenings (my old company just did another round). I will be a Domestic Violence Specialist. This means groups for victims, helping victims file restraining orders, and offering assistance in court. My start date is still undecided, as I have a lot of things to do first (new TB test being one of them). Nonetheless, I am thrilled to get out of the house again. I can only hope it will be less stressful than my last job. With the economy being the way it is, I was happy to be considered for any job. The only ones that will be unhappy when I start the job are Lambert and Maverick-- they have become quite accustomed to Mom being at home!

Aloha for now!

i've been tagged!

2009-02-18T07:41:00.005-10:00

Ok, I’ve been tagged by Karyn.
"The Rules:
1. Go to the 4th folder where you keep your pictures on your computer.
2. Post the 4th picture in the folder.
3. Explain the photo.
4. Tag 4 fellow bloggers to join in the fun!"

Oh geez. This is incredibly embarassing. I mean, incredibly:

Maybe I would be better off NOT explaining it? Well, I guess it is kind of fitting, because it is the day before I began my blog. Yes, the day before I moved to Hawaii. May 4th, 2008. This is me and my dog Lambert. I left DFW two weeks before Austen and the dogs. We had planned on having the apartment all packed up and cleaned, but things don't always go as planned. We were trying to go through the leftover crap. I guess I found that big hat and my first 10k medal from when I was maybe 12 years old. For whatever reason, I put it on Lambert and took this picture. Maybe that white Russian on my right has something to do with it? Who knows.

I do remember laughing with Austen as we sorted through the last stuff and staying up so late because I was a little bit scared of being away from him for two weeks. And I was a little scared that the dogs might not make it ok to Hawaii, flying all day long in the summer heat. And I remember crying some. Just because I was about to begin a new chapter in life, and I was thinking about so many good times and good people that I would miss. That day, we had gone to Duke's, our favorite restaurant, with Tim and Amy. We thought about that. We thought of how fortunate we were that our house had sold. We thought of how lucky we were to have people like Diana, who helped us store our stuff and sell it. We thought of my parents, who let us drive their Honda Civic for like 3 months after Austen's Explorer caught on fire (!!!!). We thought of how fun it was to live in this apartment (and how we wouldn't miss taking the dogs outside in the frigid cold, down three flights of stairs and then up three flights of stairs over and over and over).

So, there it is. Possibly the most embarassing picture I have on this computer! Nah, probably not. Man, it brings back memories!!!!!

And on that note, I must add, I am so ready to come home and visit and see my loved ones!

So the tagging. I am much less cool than Karyn, and I don't know that many people that blog!!!! So I will go with my friends Amanda and Lauren, two ex co-workers that helped me survive six months working for Communities In Schools (I will never forgot the day I almost had a nervous breakdown and y'all brought me truffles!). And I will tag my cousin Katie, who blogs about her family. And last but not least, I will tag my classmate Meagan, whose blog about scoliosis is so amazing to me.

volcano!

2009-02-15T16:31:00.007-10:00

Well, after a wonderful Valentine's Day dinner in Hilo, Austen and I were ready to get movin' and to do something active today. We bought an annual pass into Volcanoes National Park, and figured we should take advantage of it by going about once a month. So, we packed some lunches and water, and headed up the mountain.

It was wiiiiindy! 40-50 mph winds. We actually did a little two mile hike and decided that was enough for us. The wind was enough to almost knock us over a couple of times. Then we drove down to the coast on the Trail of Craters to see the plume of smoke where the lava is currently hitting the ocean (which is very active again, as you may have seen on the news). We hadn't been to this part of the park since 2006, when we first came here with Diana and Patric. Right now, many parts of the park are closed due to the high amounts of sulfur from the vog. Nonetheless, it was a beautiful, sunny day. We had a great time wandering around and just taking our time. Being on an island with active volcanoes helps you keep things in perspective. Especially good for someone like me, who likes to think she is in control. Mother nature is a spectacular thing.

Well, that is our update for the weekend! Austen has tomorrow off (AMEN!) and we are going to enjoy the time together. Aloha for now!

back in the saddle again

2009-02-14T10:45:00.002-10:00

Austen and I have been making every effort to get back in shape. Austen has been really good about making the time to go to his gym at lunch, even if there is too much work to do. This week, I got back into the swing of things with running. I went three days in a row, doing over three miles each time, and I feel goo-oood! This morning we went to the park together, and the weather is just wonderful. Austen ran about 4 miles, I did about 3.25. We are feeling good, and are going to enjoy this beautiful first love day in Hawaii. This afternoon, we are going to a little cafe in Hilo after we bask in the sun in our new loungers for a while. Happy Valentine's Day!

Aloha for now!

lucky me!

2009-02-13T14:44:00.003-10:00

My wonderful, sweet husband gave me my Valentine's gift last night. He said it would be too difficult to wrap or hide from me, so when he came home from work, he asked me to come out back. I was cooking dinner, and took a little break to see what was going on. Sitting on our lanai were two lounge chairs. I had been wanting one that lays flat since we got here, but just hadn't been able to find any of the cheap beach kind (what's up with that?). Well, Austen found these really snazzy loungers at Home Depot, and they are awesome! This morning, I ate fruit while lounging in my new chair. Very nice, indeed!

remaining positive

2009-02-10T13:58:00.003-10:00

Sometimes I feel like such a loser, having no job again. The first time around was rough, looking for employment for 3 months. Now it sucks, because I know I wasn't one of the ones "chosen" to stay, and I am critical of myself. I am also very aware that I am "too sensitive." But some days, it is really easy to be hard on myself. Yesterday was one of those days. I got into a funk, and I got more negative than I ever thought I could be. But, that's part of why I am here.

Staying positive and centered is one of the reasons Austen and I decided to give this island a try. In Texas, we were both overworked, worn out, and stressed. We dealt with work and then dealt with traffic. Weekends flew by, and we were completely imbalanced. Austen has always been pretty damn good at being positive, but I have always needed improvement in that area. And I am doing so much better. But when you notice huge imorovement in yourself, it seems as though it is just that much easier to see when you take a step backwards. And that's where I am.

So I guess it's a good thing that it is so obvious to me. Before when I was looking for a job, I hardly even recognized that I was down and negative and low. It wasn't until I found a job that I saw how low I really was. This time, it really only took a day of that attitude for me to realize I need to get right back up.

So, I talked to my friend Audra last night, and volunteered to watch her baby Tatiana, which her family just adopted. She is almost 5 months old. She was removed from her birth mother due to drugs. I watched her this morning, and she was an angel. And I am so proud of Mav and Lamb. They loved her. Lambert was scared of her at first. He hadn't seen a baby since Austen and I watched my friend Jen's baby over two years ago. Hell, he was still a baby himself-- he probably didn't remember what these little creatures were. After a while, he was comfortable with her, and he would just watch her. Mav really loved her. Such good boys.

After I took her back to Audra's (they are completing building their home, so she needed some time without baby), I stopped at the park and did a couple or three miles. That felt better.

So now I am home, and trying to get back on the right track. Everything is going to be ok. I am not that big of a loser. ;) I didn't lose my job because I suck, I lost my job because the economy sucks. And maybe I need to tell myself that daily. Or hourly.

I have had a few interviews, and surely something will come through eventually. I do not have control of this situation, and sometimes that is difficult to come to terms with. But that is part of this journey, now, isn't it? I want to be a better person. And for me, that means working on getting negative, and remembering that I am not in control of this crazy thing called life.

Aloha until next time.

getting laid off + hawaii = good tan

2009-02-08T13:39:00.003-10:00

Yesterday was one of those beautiful days that reminds me how lucky I am to be living here. After a week of mostly rain, it was so wonderful seeing the sun peak through in the morning. Austen and I decided that we had to get out and enjoy the weather, so we headed down to Kapoho for some time in the sun. I must say, from all the time I have been outdoors lately, I am turning into one brown lady. :) We snorkeled for a loooong time-- there were so many fish, and I didn't see any jelly fish this time. It was all in all, a PERFECT day. My husband didn't have to work, the sun was shining, and we even ended the day with some good Mexican food.

Today, it is back to the rain. Actually, it has subsided at this point, and now it is just dreary looking. Cloudly is better than rain, though. Austen had to head into work to deal with a screw-up with one of his huge projects. He is such a hard worker, goes in almost every weekend. I do believe his hard work will pay off in the end though.

As for me, I have been doing job searches as usual (nothing exciting!). Surely something good will come up eventually.

Aloha for now.

the rain continues

2009-02-04T06:59:00.001-10:00

We have received over 3.5" of rain since yesterday, my guess it will be well over 7" by the end of today. It's starting to flood the road a little. Guess I'd better get out while I can! :)

i'm back

2009-02-03T09:35:00.001-10:00

OK, Austen and I finally got internet connection last week. We had to give in and get a Verizon broadband wireless card. It is the only thing that works out here, aside from satellite internet (which is over $500 to install!). The card itself didn't cost anything, but it is sixty bucks a month, plus taxes, surcharges, etc. And, we are limited to a certain amount of data a month. But that's ok, I think it is well worth it to finally be CONNECTED TO THE WORLD AGAIN!!

I guess there are a few things to catch you up on. I found out the day before Christmas that I was going to be laid off. My company had a contract with the state, which lost a lot of funding for 2009. Eight care coordinators with our company were laid off, eleven stayed. I won't go into the various reasons why I was one of them, although I have a pretty good idea of what those reasons are. I will say that I am quickly losing my desire to continue social work. I didn't go to school and take courses on ethics and get licensed, promising to be ethical, only to take jobs where I was urged to be unethical daily. Maybe it was a blessing in disguise that I was one of the eight chosen to be laid off. I received some good benefits and now I have the opportunity to try something else. I have a few interviews this week, and I will keep you updated with any happenings.

Austen is staying busy with work. He was promoted a few weeks ago, giving him more responsibilities, which he takes very seriously. He is a very hard worker and I am not at all surprised that he got this promotion. Luckily, he only has to go to Honolulu about once a month now. (Here is Austen doing some work, at home! Our fruit trees are doing much better since having a chance to dry out.)

We have been so blessed with the weather lately. Christmas time was extremely wet. We got over ten inches of rain the day after Christmas, and 24" in the week that followed. Hilo is not quite as rainy as it is here on the border of Keaau and Kurtistown, but it was wet almost everywhere on this side of the island for almost a month. Some other spots in the islands flooded and were without electricity (Obama wasn't the only one affected by the rain here). This kind of weather is normal around here in the winter, but our neighbors said that they hadn't had rains this bad here in Orchidland in a few years. There was a lot of flooding, and our street was completely flooded with water hip-high at least three times. Then, it was unseasonably dry for almost a month! And today, it is back to the winter showers. We really needed them though. Our water catchment, which we use for showering, washing clothes, and washing dishes, was getting lower and lower. It should fill back up this week. (Here is a photo of the creek in our yard back in December-- it was ROARING... also, a pic of our backyard.)

My mom and dad were here for a week in January, and we had a blast. It was so good seeing both of them. Afterall, it had been almost nine months since seeing my dad. We went snorkeling in Kapoho, hiking in Volcano, we saw a ridiculous rendition of what was supposedly RENT at Akebono Theatre in Pahoa, and we even squeezed in some time in Kona and Waikoloa. We were all over this island! It worked out well being unemployed in January!

Lambert and Maverick seem to love their new island lives. They love to roam around the land and eat strawberry guavas, which are everywhere right now. It is impossible trying to keep them out of that stuff.

Our garden was completely saturated with the December rains, and all of our tomatoes rotted. I pulled them up and planted some new stuff, and Austen made a little drainage trench so that the plants can stand up to the flooding. The yard is coming along great. We make a full day out of mowing and weed-eating every other week, or sometimes every three weeks. Austen is the weed-eater, I am the mower (which is great, now that we have a self-propelled lawn mower!). It is quite a workout, but it is enjoyable since we do it together and make a routine out of it.

We are wrapping up our home renovations, leaving caulking the baseboards and setting the nails to be done. Someday I would like to make some changes to the kitchen, but not anytime soon (one salary, remember...). It serves its purpose and I can't complain. Either this year or next, I would like to repaint the outside of the house. Maybe in the summer, maybe not. No rush. Austen fixed the major leak we had in the roof, and we were thrilled that we don't need a new roof. (Here is a photo of Ma in the loft-- we put new carpet in and painted the house from bottom to top.)

So, we are settling just fine and are very comfortable here. I can't say this economy doesn't scare the hell out of us. We are way out here in Hawaii, where living is extremely expensive. We are now a one income family, and we have no idea how long it will be that way. Any job that I see posted is always a part-time or temporary gig. The economy is LOW here. Tourism and jobs are way down. That means we have got to be smart. We are trying to get used to living modestly and understanding the difference between need and want. Hawaii is a great place for that, as strange as it may sound. People out here are less likely to buy a new car as soon as they have paid off their old one. People pay less attention to houses with large square footage. Electricity is three times the cost that it was for us in Texas, so I have become ultra-aware of how much we are using. Many people have solar-powered homes or hot water heaters. There are a lot of ways to reduce. And EVERYone recycles EVERYthing.

Well, I guess that sums up what has been going on with us here in Hawaii. We are enjoying learning from the challenges we are faced with. We are both healthy again, and are thankful for that. We can't complain!

Aloha for now.

ahhh

2008-11-30T12:33:00.000-10:00

What a nice break it has been. It is amazing the difference a 4-day weekend can make. I feel refreshed, renewed, and somewhat revitalized. It is wonderful-- I needed these two days off! And I know Austen did, too. We worked some on the house and yard, and did some more gardening. We also got a little Charlie Brown Christmas tree! All of my Christmas stuff is in Diana's attic (thank you Ma-in-law for housing our junk!!!!!!!) until the summer, when I will pack it and send it to us. I figured we could go one Christmas without. I still need to sort through it and weed out the stuff that I can go without. So, this Christmas, we will have modest decorations. No biggie. Our tree is cute and I am happy as long as we have one.

Bill and Paula (father in-law and his girlfriend) arrived Wednesday evening. Of course, they were worn out, so we didn't stay up late. We were worn out as well, so it worked out fine. The next two days were lots of fun. We really just relaxed and hung out on our makeshift lanai. We had a few beers, listened to some music, and ate a lot of food for two days straight. That is the type of r&r that all of us seemed to need. I was really happy for Austen and Bill to get to spend some time together. After almost 7 months, it is really easy to start missing folks! Then, early Saturday morning, Bill and Paula continued their journey to Singapore. At least they had this leg of the trip to recharge.

I just finished some work that I had to do, which took about 2 hours. So I figured I would sneak in some internet time to update. I guess I am just now realizing, there isn't much to update y'all on! No news is better than bad news, right? :)

Aloha for now! I hope everyone had a great and restful Thanksgiving. We miss you all lots!

home makeover is almost over

2008-11-23T20:08:00.000-10:00

It is past 8 on Sunday, and we would usually be in bed. But we have been VERY busy this weekend with home renovations. Today, we ripped out the old 90s style medicine cabinet, and painted behind it. Then we hung this awesome little mirror that we found at the Home Depot. It is etched glass and the rim has opaque palm leaves on it. Anyway, I also put together one of those great over-the-toilet storage cabinets, and it is like we have a new bathroom! I am quite pleased.

Austen did a lot of yard work-- we want things to look nice for when his dad gets here. He worked so hard, and then the lawn mower broke. So, he had to run off and get a new one. It wasn't the end of the world, because the one that came with the house was not self-propelled, and I can personally attest that it was a PAIN IN THE ASS.

Aside from those tasks, I painted the front door, and Austen worked some more on baseboards. I am the painter, he is the carpenter. Austen tied up a new tarp in the back, as the old one ripped with the big rains last week. Before we know it, this house will be pau (that's DONE for those of you who may not know)! But I am sure we will always be able to find more things to fix. At least today, it was kinda fun.

Yesterday we began my vegetable garden. We took turns pulling up the grass and weeds (using some tool that made me sore today), then we laid out the weed barrier. Then we hauled lava rocks from the place we had piled them when we dug holes for the fruit trees, and we placed them around the weed barrier. Now we need soil and plants. At least it's a start.

The funny moment of the day was when the cat saw his reflection for the first time. We brought the old medicine cabinet outside and put it on the ground. Sure enough, that cat was over there flirting with himself, and then fighting with himself. It was hilarious to see him in that mirror.

Well, I guess it really is almost bedtime. I have a really early day tomorrow. Can't wait for the four day weekend!!! We are going to sleep in the loft-- we got new carpet last weekend. :)

Aloha for now!

raindrops keep fallin on my head

2008-11-20T21:32:00.000-10:00

Today was just another day at work. Toward 2pm, I started losing energy, as I always do. I was leaning on a shelf while waiting to talk to the nurse, when I felt so worn that I went ahead and sat. And then I started to hear a strange sound. And then, I felt a shaking. For a nano second, I thought, oh my God, this is it-- I am in my first earthquake. And then, before I knew it, I was sitting on the floor. What just happened? I looked back up at the shelf. Not an earthquake. I broke the shelf. Why were there Kleenexes in my hand? I still don't know, but it was not an earth quake. Just an embarassing shelf-breaking situation. Thank God it's almost Friday.

Aside from thinking I had experienced an earthquake, not much has been going on except for perpetual rain. And we are supposed to have a LOT more this weekend. The road to and fro' the house was so flooded that I couldn't take the Scion. It would have flooded into the car. We got almost 5 inches in less than 24 hours, and we have a creek on our property... so it can be quite damp! This was just a taste, as winter has only just begun here. There will be days when no car can get us out the road, so we need to be prepared. But we already knew this, so we can't be surprised. Just more of the changes that we need to accept with our new island living. Very worth it. Kind of like in DFW, when there are days so icy that you know you'd be best off not driving to work.

Austen and I are keeping very busy with work. We wake up between 5 and 6, and go to bed pretty early. Days are very short right now, and Hawaii doesn't do daylight savings. We have both decided that when Thanksgiving is over, we are going to join a gym and work out before work. The summer is great and there is plenty of daylight and time to go be active before or after work, but winter gives less time for us to fit working out into the schedule.

Our weekends are, of course, our favorite times. We do yard work, hang with the mutts, have a few beers, cook out... Arbor Day was the weekend before last, and we planted a bunch of citrus trees. Nine trees total... Austen dug all the holes, breaking apart the lava with a big old pick. He worked so hard! I just dealt with the plants and the dirt and the fertilizer. Anyway, we want to be more self-sufficient, and are planning on getting some chickens once we get a chance to build a coop. I really want a goat, but I am not sure why. I don't think Austen will go for that. He tells me Lambert is as close to a goat as we are getting!

Austen's Dad and Paula are coming in for a quick Thanksgiving trip on the way over to Singapore. They are going for work, and this is a good layover. We are very excited, as it is the first holiday that would usually be spent with family--- and this year it will be. So that is a nice bonus. We haven't seen Bill in over 6 months, so it will be great, even if it is only for a couple nights. I know it will make me miss my dad though. At least I will see him in January. But I will have to wait until June to see my sis and grandpa and everyone else.

Austen's grandpa passed away last week, and I really feel for him not being able to go home and be with family. It is extremely difficult to be so very far away at times like this.

endorphins always help

2008-11-05T08:40:00.000-10:00

My Tuesday was much less hectic than Monday, and the day ended in a great way: a walk in Queen Lilikolani park with my friend Tyson. We were there over an hour, but time really flies when you're talkin about work! She and her husband are closing on a brand new house in Mountain View, so we have a lot in common and plenty to talk about.

Which reminds me-- I never had the chance to load pics from mine or Austen's birthdays. Mine was a lot of fun, three good friends from work and our friend Alicia joined us for dinner and drinks at a place called Legend's (good food!!!). I will try to find a way to get some pics up here. Pics from when Tim and Amy and the fam are in order, as well. Plus, we got a new camera which I need to show off. It takes great pictures.

Anyway, work is going ok this week. I am taking 3 days off next week, and that will be oh so nice! Tyson and I are going to try to start walking regularly, and maybe build up to running again. We are also going to start a water aerobics class, and hopefully Ana (another coworker and friend) will join us. I miss running; I haven't really been with it since moving here. It's sad to think I was up to 7 miles and doing crazy mud runs back when we left Texas.

Friday, Austen will be in Honolulu. I am going to a plant sale for Arbor Day, where the trees are drastically price reduced. Our goal is to have fruit trees and a vegetable garden and chickens. So I will be shopping for trees this weekend. We might try to go to Kapoho for some snorkeling this weekend, too.

Aside from that, nothing is new! I am doing my best to get this blog going again!! :) Aloha until next time.

ashley+social work= perpetual stress???

2008-11-03T20:53:00.001-10:00

So I guess I have reached the time in my career where I wonder why I am doing it. I can't help but always wonder why it has to be so freakin hard to help people. I mean, if I didn't think this was my calling in life, I would stay so far away from this entire field. Sure, it is nice being paid more appropriately than I ever have. But the lack of a normal schedule and the abundance of paperwork is overwhelming.

I am on-call all week. The pros are that I make extra money. The cons... well, they are endless. I have this feeling that I can't do anything, because my phone might ring. I keep trying to picture myself swimming, holding up my cell phone above water. And if someone has a crisis, I have to head to the hospital in the middle of the night. And still go to work the next day.

I think I am just overwhelmed because I have been behind a lot, due to my lack of internet access. Today our IT guy loaded a Verizon aircard on my work laptop, which means I can now document immediately after meeting with someone. What sucks though, is I find myself working too late. Take tonight for instance. I worked from 7:30a.m. to just now, at almost 9:00 p.m. Sure, there are lots of people that work a lot of overtime. But it is difficult to convey just how stressful taking care of people can be. Sometimes you put your needs so far behind your clients. I think work all the time. I dream work. I talk work. I am... well, work!

I must sound terribly negative. And I really am ok. It was just one of those days where I am so sure that I can not do this forever. And more than anything, it is frustrating that "they" have to make it so hard for people like me to do this. I do have the heart. I do have the drive. I like working, believe it or not. But when people like me feel burnt out, there has got to be something wrong with "them." Who are these people? The ones that make the MOUNDS of paperwork, which they want to now become computer documents, which is impossible, because we are dealing with sensitive things that need paper trails and signatures and.... anyway. I can BET that these people... well, they haven't done this job! If my job was just paperwork, I could do it and I could do it well. And if it was JUST working with the people, I could do it, and I could do it well. No, I could do it damn well. But, that is not how it is. So, I feel like I suck.

Oh, anyway, I think I am just tired. You know I gotta be feeling strange if I am actually willing to blog on my work computer. I am actually the type of person who likes to try to do everything "right" because I really don't like worrying and I don't like getting in trouble, and I sure as hell don't like worrying about getting in trouble!

Hopefully tomorrow, I will wake up refreshed. I will think, TODAY IS A NEW DAY! I will remember that all jobs have their pros and cons. But there is another chance that I will awaken thinking, why didn't I become a dog groomer?

Sometimes I think about my college professors. They were these crazy braless women, with radical ideas. They worked for CPS, for adoption agencies, for schools. They went to great social work schools (including UT, of course). They were advocates for... everything! I idealized them. I loved them. I thought, I can be like that! Well, all I got a knack for so far is being crazy. And braless at times. Anyway, I remember one in particular assuring me that I would be able to afford groceries as a social worker. She also tried to assure me that it isn't as stressful as you may think. So why is it that the nurses in the psych ward say, "I don't know how you do it" when they see us interact with our clients? Our college professors were big, braless LIARS!!! :)

On a totally different subject, we have tv. We got a satellite, and TV! So we can WATCH the TV! You wouldn't BELIEVE the tv coma that I tried to go into this weekend. Sex and the City, The Office... it is surreal. Best of all, my days are back to beginning with coffee and the news. Uh oh, I think I may have found the cause of my bad attitude! :)

Aloha for now! Please take a moment to welcome the Drakes back to the 21st Century. Oh, and Mav and Lamb got their first haircuts in 6 mos. Is it a bad sign that the dogs got professional haircuts before their parents?

living in the stone age

2008-10-21T16:00:00.000-10:00

So, no internet for us. It is difficult to describe how livid I was to be told this. In the meantime, I am anxiously awaiting getting satellite on November 8th! I guess we need a tv, huh??? :) I will try to catch you up on our happenings whenever I have a spare second at work-- which is less and less these days...

Aloha for now.

missing internet more than tv!

2008-10-10T16:30:00.000-10:00

OK, so it is Friday afternoon, and I am about to get the boot (they like to lock up the office before 5 on Fridays!). But I HAD to get on here and let everyone know that we are alive!!!! But, we don't have the internet at the old house. Turns out, internet is much more missed than t.v. Our AT&T air card did not work, so we got rid of that. There is no cable internet, as there is no cable in our part of the woods. Last hope is DSL, and I am crossin' my fingers that works! We will find out next Friday when I "work from home" (how can you work from home without the internet?!) while waiting from 9-5 on the phone guy. I am praying, as it is our last hope.

It's pretty hard to blog without internet. But we are alive out here. Austen is beginning to heal from his acute bronchitis and pneumonia. I am doing just fine. The dogs LOVE the new house. So all is well as can be! We have had a lot of visitors this past month, and it was great to see the moms and Tim and Amy. But it sucks not being able to post! I have pics, because we bought a new camera. I bought a Sony, as I never got the advice posts in time! But we love it, it takes great pics. It isn't one of the small ones, it is a bit bigger with a larger lens. It takes great pics. I swear, I will share some IF WE GET THE INTERNET NEXT WEEK!!!! It is so hard to find the time to do stuff like this at work. Taking care of others means there is no time for yourself. :)

I love you guys and thanks for still reading even though I have been absent. Aloha for now, hopefully more aloha next Friday!!! :)

advice needed

2008-09-11T20:59:00.001-10:00

OK, so my old Sony CyberShot bit the dust, after many good years. I am ashamed to say it was actually my ex's from about six years ago. It had a good long life, but now it is time for a new camera. So, if anyone has any advice, it would be much appreciated. I really like the Sony cameras, and would like to stick with them, but the one I like is a little pricey. I just want a good camera since they have come so far. There have been a lot of instances since moving to this photegenic place that I wished I had a better camera that could capture detail better. If anyone has any recommendations, please let me know. I had hoped to have one by next week, when family arrives.

So, I am worrying a little about the crew getting on flights via standby due to Ike. He has the potential of really screwing things up, in more ways than just flights. So that makes me uneasy. Guess we will just have to wait and see what happens.

Austen is finally feeling a little bit better. He had blood work done Monday to make sure he didn't have something terrible. Chances are he probably had malaria or dengue fever. We were worried it was meningitis, but the dr. seems to have ruled that out. But if things get bad again, he has to go back for more blood work. I was quite freaked out by his illness, as was Austen. We knew something was up. He was up and down, and the lows were LOW. His back ached, his head throbbed, and he was 100% out of commision. But then, right when he started feeling good again, it was back within a day. So strange. Anyway, we are keeping our fingers crossed that whatever it was ran its course.

Today I went to the Kaiser Clinic to get a vision test and new glasses, which is always strangely exciting for me. I guess I like the change. Anyway, Kaiser has turned out to be a great insurance company so far. It is kinda cool the way everything is one-stop. Best part is, when the time comes, we get to have a baby for free. Seriously! I think I have to pay like a $15 copay or something. :) LOL

So, I guess that is all for today. Pretty lame, huh? My clients are keeping me on my toes, and teaching me patience. I am ready for the weekend. :)

Aloha until next time!

don't even think about it, ike!

2008-09-10T18:29:00.000-10:00

It seems like things have become pretty crazy with Austen and I. Austen has been off and on with sickness since his return, but unable to take any time off work because a) he is still on probation at work and b) he is stubborn as hell. That is a whole other story though, and I am not gonna go into it!

Our visitors are due to arrive Sunday, assuming Ike's bitch ass doesn't mess things up! We have all been counting on this trip, and I am ready to see my momma! We are really looking forward to seeing everyone, and if this dang hurricane messes with their trip...

But I am going to think positive. Diana and my mom and the rest of the gang are set to drive over to this side of the island with Patric on Sunday, and the fun will begin. Unfortunately, one of my coworkers is going on vacation, and I will receive 6 new clients. This will make it unlikely that I will be working from home at all, but I am not going to let that get to me. I am going to look into taking next Friday off without pay, so that I can enjoy my first anniversary and my time with our family.

So... I will let you know how that all goes.

You can probably tell by my low level of blogging that time has been short. But you really haven't missed much! We are just doing the usual, doing our thing. We are ready for the weekend and can't wait for the excitement of family! Aloha for now.

a september to remember

2008-09-03T18:44:00.000-10:00

Well, August has come and gone. I cannot believe how fast time has been flying by. September 5th, I will have been here four months already. And we have already closed on our house!

Yesterday, we got the keys to the place. Austen and I met there at lunch, and just sat there, thinking how incredible it is to own a home in Hawaii. Granted, the house needs a lot of work, but it is so very wonderful to have a home of our own. For me, it is exciting that we chose the house together. I own the house with my husband. It is wonderful!

Today on my lunch break, I headed to the Home Depot and got 3 gallons of paint and some brushes. I can't wait to get busy! Once we finish painting, we can do the floors. I am not really sure when we will find the time to do it, but I am going to try to get a lot knocked out this weekend.

I would love to show some more pics of the house, but the camera is doing something STRANGE!!!! I think it bit the dust. But not before Austen got back from Manila, so we will post some of his pics very soon.

Speaking of which, I am so happy to have my man back!! It was so strange not having him here for almost two weeks, and the dogs and myself are thrilled to have him home safe!! He has been feeling under the weather since his return, but it may have to do with the fact that he was stung by a centipede on Saturday night! SCARY!!! While cooking outside, one crawled right over his foot-- he said it was about 7 inches long. He took it like a trooper-- maybe the Bud Light helped? Hey, what can we say, we were celebrating the long weekend.

We had a great long weekend-- looked at flooring, dreamed of the possibilities, discussed how lucky we both feel. Austen had a lot of time for reflection in Manila, and we both realize more and more every day how lucky we are. I think as Americans, we are all pretty damn fortunate. Even when things look gloomy-- it really ain't that bad.

So, this evening (it is almost 7pm) I am just trying to whip up some dinner before Austen gets back from the airport. Wednesdays are his Honolulu days, so he gets home around 8. It is a loooong day for him. Luckily, the week is short and going by quickly. Can't wait for the weekend-- lots to do with the house!!!

I guess the day is just about over in Texas, but I would like to wish my sis Happy Birthday again. I don't think she reads this-- but just in case!

Aloha for now. Oh, and pics to come of Manila (not much to see though). Once we get a new camera, I will take more pics of the house.

shooting star

2008-08-25T21:25:00.000-10:00

Work was a little nuts today, it actually got going so fast that I hardly had time to write my notes and bill for the hours I had spent with members since Friday afternoon-on. After getting caught up, before I knew it, the day was over and they were ready to give me the boot so they could lock up the office. At about 5 till 5pm, Tyson and I figured we would never make our "Butt Blaster" class, and Tyson, Ana, and I talked ourselves into Mexican food and a margarita.

Best choice ever!

After eating, I headed to the water tap to fill up my jugs. On the way, even though it was hardly beginning to be dusk, I saw a shooting star. Just driving down the road, I happened to be looking at the beautiful clouds, and POOF! There was a beautiful shooting star. My first shooting star in Hawaii. I made a wish.

2 more days!

2008-08-24T15:36:00.000-10:00

Things are pretty boring around here, just awaiting Austen's arrival. I am excited that he will return in exactly 2 days. I think the dogs miss him just as much as me.

This weekend has been uneventful, but sometimes that's the way I like it. Friday, I stayed home with the dogs and went to bed early. Saturday, I woke up early to clean the house (part I) and then went to my class at the gym with my friend Tyson from work. Afterward, we went to Jamba Juice, where she and I relaxed outside and chatted over our smoothies. It feels good to be getting great workouts at least 3 times a week.

When I returned home, I called Austen and started to worry that I hadn't heard from him all day. Finally, he called me in the evening. He and his coworker had gone up to the mountains with the driver for the day. I was relieved to hear from him.

Today, I did some errands and house cleaning part II, and started planning for our trip back to the mainland in June for my sister's wedding. I am really excited for her, and that we get to come home and be with all of our family. We will both finally have some vacation accrual that we can use, and will have had time to save up for the flights! The dogs will be bummed, because we will most likely have to board them. But we have almost a year to break it to them gently.

This morning, I talked to Austen's dad about his trip in November, and realized that we have so much to look forward to! Diana and my mom will come down with Patric in just a few weeks. Then, it is our anniversary, and then Tim and Amy come. Bill and Paula will be here over Thanksgiving, meaning that we will have family here for our first real holiday (YAY!!!). And then, in January, my mom and dad come! I get to see all of our immediate family except Karina, but at least I have her and Todd's wedding to look forward to. Everything is so exciting! I can't wait. :)

the hills vs. the jungle

2008-08-20T19:46:00.000-10:00

I'm not gonna lie, it's been kinda tough managing things around here without my other half. We used to stagger our work schedules as much as possible, so as to decrease the max. amount of time the dogs have to be alone, inside the house, busting at the seams to pee. We are 40-50 minutes from Hilo, and an 8 hour workday means ten hours that they are inside. And that is what these poor guys are faced with when he is gone.

There are all kinds of little things that I love having my man for when it comes to life on the east side of the Big Island. For instance, the trash gets disgusting (we don't have people that pick it up for you). Maggots, roaches, flies, and gnats begin to hang out by the garbage cans if you don't take it to the dump. We don't have potable water. So, that means filling up giant, heavy jugs (and making sure you always have enough, just in case). Jugs that are so heavy that when filling them up, your arms shake and wobble before the jugs are even 1/4 full. Oh, and my favorite I-need-my-man moment: whilst doing laundry on Monday night, I went to grab a dryer sheet from its box-- only to be greeted by a giant, flying cockroach who aimed right for my head after I woke him. Since I have a ridiculous, crippling fear of roaches, I now have no desire to a) use a dryer sheet ever again, or b) go near the washer. I know, it is silly, but I have no explanation for this fear. Nor can I describe just how severely a stupid roach affects me (Mom and Dad probably understand).

So, while these may seem like small things, they are things that we usually do together. We take the rubbish on Sundays, before the Farmer's Market. I only help with recycling, because of the roach thing. And I await Austen in the car with some anti-bacterial hand gel. And grocery shopping-- we do it together, or I go on a day when he is able to be home with the dogs early. Roaches in the house-- he kills 'em, and picks 'em up! Water-- we do together. I fill the smaller jugs while the manly-man does the bigger jugs. So not only do I miss having my love here, I also miss having someone to help! This island life is the best life I can imagine living, but it is more difficult than the mainland life. There are so many things that you take for granted over there (city water, city sewage, FEWER ROACHES!).

But yesterday, I was able to work from home until ten so that I could stay out a little later. I went to my gym after work and did the ball class (which was super hard-- we also used the Bender Ball this time, doing lots of ab stuff), and then did some very quick grocery shopping. Once I returned, I called and got the internet fixed. It went out on Sunday, leaving me with no means of entertainment (remember, we have no TV service).

The dogs looked super-pissed when I got home, but I let Maverick sleep on the bed in order to decrease his depression. If I had some Paxil, I would totally be giving it to him. It's pretty bad when your dog makes you feel he is disappointed in you. Talk about guilt!

Maverick and I both heard a sound in the middle of the night, and while he wanted to go check it out, I chose to pretend like I heard nothing. As beautiful and safe it is here in the rainforest/jungle, it can be frightening sometimes (at least for me).

So, work went by so quickly today. I stopped to get water on the way home, and met a Vietnam vet who was talking to me while filling our jugs. He was saying that lots of mainlanders couldn't handle it here, getting water and all. And he had this huge smile on his face, saying that he loves it here and waited his whole life to get here. I kindly agreed that it was worth it, and told him that I never for a second regretted coming over here. We both chatted, and said how it is all worth it.

Afterward, I got home in time to talk Maverick out of suicide. I guess I can thank work for giving me new skills in dealing with those who have mental illness.

Ah, so then it was time to relax. I had gotten an ahi sashimi block at the store last night, which sounded so good with some wasabi and soy sauce. I needed something mindless to keep me company while I ate, so I went to mtv.com to watch the new episode of The Hills. I know, this is one of the most ridiculous shows there is. But, I am desperate out here! So, while it was loading, I chowed down on my .38 of a pound of raw fish, thinking how different my life is out here. Back in Texas, I never would have eaten .38 pound of any fish, let alone RAW fish. I am thinking about the guy that I met, and how right he is. And then the show starts.

I am staring at these fake girls, who have had face jobs, boob jobs... They all have fake nails, about .38 of a pound of makeup on, pedicures, hair extensions... They live in these expensive Hollywood apartments, and they romp around in fancy dresses while sitting at home (and they wear shoes while lounging-- who does that?). Most importantly, they are devoid of any intelligence or personality.

So, I used to enjoy this show. But at this moment, all I could think of, was how lucky I am. I thought to myself, 'I wonder if the girls from The Hills could make it on this island?' I came to the conclusion that they could make it in Kona or Waikoloa, but not here in the jungle. Thank God for that! ;)

deja vu

2008-08-17T13:01:00.001-10:00

Well, I am alone in Hawaii again! Austen left for the Philippines early Friday morning. I must admit, it is kinda sad around here without him. I feel like I just went through this, although I guess that was over three months ago. I am having "missing Austen deja vu." At least this time I have the dogs, furniture, a job, and a gym membership!

Speaking of gyms-- I took another class Saturday morning at my new gym. I think the gym is called Aloha Fitness, or Aloha-something or other. The Ball-A-Robics class is my favorite workout ever. It sounds so easy, but it is actually the most challenging class I have taken. The instructor has everyone get one of those giant ab balls, a set of dumbells, and a mat. We then bounce, lift weights, lift and contort our bodies in ways I never knew I could, stretch, bend, MOVE! It is nuts. The lady designed the program herself. You switch between sitting (and bouncing) on the ball while lifting weights and standing, using the ball as you do all these crazy movements. When I first took the class on Tuesday after work, my back muscles were so sore for two days that I could hardly bend down to get bagels out of the oven! It is a great workout, and it was nice going and getting a workout on a Saturday morning. I know my mom will want to take the class with me when she visits, maybe Diana, too. It's a pretty good time, and a great workout (this time, the focus was on the butt and thighs, and MAN can I feel it today!).

After my workout, I went on the hunt for Karina's birthday present, and came up empty-handed. :( I don't know what to get her, and since she hasn't been to Hawaii yet, I don't know how much she would like Hawaii stuff. I'll figure it out this week at some point.

So, I am just keeping busy with mundane stuff like rented movies. Times like this, I really wish I had a TV signal. I would like to be watching the Olympics, or at least the news. That will be one of the first things we get when we move into our house: dish Network (the area where we are moving doesn't pick up channels with rabbit ears and there is no cable there, either). I am also going to use this week and a half of Austen being gone to find him the perfect gift for his 30th birthday! :)

Last night I made myself one of my favorite meals: chicken spaghetti. I had plenty left over, so I have some for lunches this week. It will be different, not having Austen there to meet for lunch.

The dogs are pretty sad about the fact that he hasn't come home. Every evening around 6, they kind of linger at the door. I took them on a walk last night to cheer them up, and that little Kolohe followed us the entire way! It must have looked like a freak show, me with my two dogs and my cat that thinks he's a dog.

That's about all that is new in my world. I didn't go to the farmer's market today, I actually have decided I will stay home today. There is nothing that I really need, anyway.

It is a beautiful day, we haven't gotten as much rain as normal these past couple days. There is a nice breeze, and the skies are clear over here. I just might spray myself down with Off! Deep Woods and bask in the sun with the dogs and dog/cat.

Oh, I wanted to post some pics that I found today that were taken on May 5th, when I left for Hawaii. Bittersweet memories...

Aloha for now!

how ashley got her groove back

2008-08-13T17:28:00.000-10:00

Work is going really well. I have started meeting the clients that are being transferred to me. I am noticing that I have seen some of these people around, or even met them in Pahoa. I guess island life is like small town life, which is something I will have to be careful about.

All of my coworkers seem very nice, with each person having something unique to offer to the whole group. There are about 8 locals, and a handful of transplants (as I like to call us). In this situation, I am feeling like the local people are more friendly. But that is just my opinion. As a whole, though, the staff is great and should make for an enjoyable environment. I will be able to work from home every now and then, and I am really looking forward to the flexibility. Especially since I have the eye deal...

Two of my coworkers invite me to a "Ball Arobics" class at a gym on the way home, and I went last night. I have never been to a class like this-- it incorporated cardio with abs with weights. It was really fun, and I know I had a smile on my face the whole time. It was the perfect level of challenge, and I am sore beyond description today (which I love). I won't be able to go again this Thursday, but once Austen returns from Manila, I will be able to go after work. It will be hard until then, because the dogs need to have someone come immediately home.

Speaking of Manila--- Austen leaves on Friday morning. I will be the first to admit that I am very nervous about it, and I feel uneasy with him going to a country that is on our country's list of countries not to visit right now! But I won't get into that. Let me just say I am disappointed that his company is sending him right now (we close on a house the week after he returns), and I am disappointed that they would send any employees to a dangerous country. I will leave it at that.

I will miss him so much, it was only three and a half months ago that I came over here alone and swore I would never spend an evening away from him again! ;)

I guess I haven't blogged in quite some time, because I am realizing now that I may not have even mentioned that Austen was going to Manila.

Let's see--- since I last blogged... we went to an opening of a new restaurant in Hilo, and then to a concert at the Emerald Orchid. We stayed out until 2:00 am with friends; it was the next day that I realized I am too old for that, at the ripe old age of 25. LOL.

The dogs and cat are doing well. They really do love Kolohe. I can't say that I am that crazy about him, although he is cute. But I am definitely a dog person.

My parents are coming in January, and I couldn't be more thrilled. I miss them so much, the sadness has really kicked in. But, I feel so lucky to be in this place. I drive in to work each day with a smile on my face. Sometimes I can see the mountains, so clear that you can see the telescopes on Mauna Kea. I love that I often get to meet Austen at lunch time, and we were even able to drive into work together a few times, so far. I just couldn't ask for more out here.

So, I guess, what I am trying to say is that I am happy to call this place home. I am gettin' in my groove. I feel like I am slowly making some friends, and getting to know people. I found a place to work out, and I like my job. I couldn't ask for more. Except to see my family real soon! And it looks like I will! :)

a workin' girl again

2008-08-06T06:37:00.000-10:00

Well today will be my third day of work. It is so nice to be out in the real world again. Days go by SO much faster. And, I am makin' money!

My exact title is a "Care Coordinator." I will be case managing people with severe or persistent mental illness, most of whom have dual-diagnosis (meaning they also have chemical dependency). So, every day should be interesting, and there will never be a dull moment. Yes, like all social work jobs, it will be very stressful at times, especially being that we are in Hawaii and there will be cultural issues. But that is the line of the work, and I am totally up for it. Right now I am just in training and shadowing mode. I think it will be the week after next that I get cases.

It is nice being in Hilo everyday (until I have to deal with traffic). Yesterday, I picked Austen up at lunch and we went to Subway. Just one of the perks of being in town! Today is the Hilo Farmer's Market day, I might just take a stroll at lunch and get some goodies.

We, or should I say Maverick and Lambert, got a kitten. His name is Kolohe, which means rascal in Hawaiian. He is teeny tiny, but Maverick and Lambert LOVE him. Lambert in particular is very obsessed with him. They snuggle up together, play together, eat together, fight together. It is so funny. I am proud of both the dogs for being so gentle with him. He is supposed to be a mostly outside cat, so I will have to make sure as he gets bigger that I am very firm with that (I am extremely allergic to cats). I will put some pics up whenever I get a chance.

For now, it is off to work. Aloha until next time!

had to share...

2008-07-31T10:58:00.000-10:00

ready to start work

2008-07-31T09:34:00.000-10:00

A little update: we got the house inspected, and there were no major problems. There was no evidence of termite activity, but there is a planter in front of the house that we were worried about. The only video I took was of our realtor and Austen discussing the planter, and Austen looking very stressed out (see below).

We later found a piece of plastic behind the planter, against the house, which means whoever put the planter in realized that you can't have soil up against a house. So, we don't have to remove the planter (thank goodness, it is huge, and, I really like it!). The video is odd, with a cow moo-ing in the background (he was ticked off because he was tied up, I think), but at least you can see the gorgeous property. Plus, you can hear the coqui frogs in the background-- because it was a gloomy day, they were out early. And the part that is cleared is only about one acre-- the house has an acre in front and behind, that you can't see. Below are a few more pics of the house. I didn't take too many, because the camera was giving me a hard time (it is about six years old, which is old in terms of digital cameras).

Well, the past couple of days of being at home (with Austen gone overnight on business in Honolulu) have verified what I already knew: I couldn't possibly stay at home any longer. I need to be working. Actually, at this point, I don't know how I feel about being a stay-at-home mom! Maybe for a year or two, but definitely not more than that. I have been a social worker for three years. Before that, I worked as an aide during college, and at Structure (Express, whatever), and before that, Jason's Deli. LOL. But I have to be out of the house, working. All of these jobs, well let's just say were not always pleasant. What job is? Social work has taught me what it feels like to be streched too thin, to be stressed, to be overworked, and grossly underpaid. And I miss it. I actually feel like going back into the field, knowing what I am in for (and probably more, since I am in a new place where cultural norms are a whole different ballgame). And I feel like maybe I will be better equipped to handle it, knowing what that alternative is (sitting at home bored out of my mind). Also, I will finally be making the salary that I should make, so that is nice. These past three months of unemployment have made me realize people are lucky to have jobs. They bitch and moan about them, and everyone thinks he or she has it worse than everyone else. You know what, I feel lucky to finally have a job! And I will try to keep my bitching and moaning to a minimum, this time! :)

Anyway, as you can see, I am excited to begin work on Monday. I am very nervous, because this is a different world than I come from. And I will be working with adults, as opposed to children. There will be new challenges, and I am going to try to be up for those opportunities to learn.

Aside from the job, there is a lot of excitement headed our way. I am looking forward to the next few months. The house will close at the beginning of September. We will stay in our rental through the beginning of October, giving us the chance to re-floor the house without living in the mess and construction. This also means we can take our time packing and moving, and do it step by step. It might be stressful that we will be needing to move in around the time that we have visitors, but we will have to make the best of it. We have a lot to be thankful for, afterall.

My mom and Diana are coming to visit toward the middle/end of September. They will drive down from Kona with Patric. It will be so nice to see them after almost five months. It will be so fun to share our lives here with them, and for them to see what it is all about. I know they have visited, but living here is so much better. ;) For our (first!!) anniversary, we are all going to stay at the Hilton Waikoloa, and will have a chance to go to the beach where we were married. After some family fun in the sun, Austen and I can break off and go have a romantic anniversary dinner for two at the place we had our "rehearsal dinner" (we had nothing to rehearse).

After Diana and my mom depart, Tim and Amy are coming! It will be Austen's birthday, and we will have our best friends to celebrate it with. We all practically lived together back when Tim and Austen were roommates, so I know it will be just as much fun (well, more fun since it will be in Hawaii). Tim and Amy also get the chance to see Oahu and Maui, so I know it will be a great time for them (can I go with y'all to Maui!?).

Austen will be 30 in September, and while I don't think he is looking forward to it, I am. I love birthdays and I love celebrating milestones, especially with friends. What better place to celebrate your 30th birthday than Hawaii? And then, in October, it will be MY birthday! :)

So, like I said, we have a lot to be thankful for. I really couldn't ask for more. I am not trying to paint the picture that everything is perfect here, because it is not by any means. But in a place like this, you have no option but to think about the things you have to be thankful for. It makes you appreciate more, and be negative less. I will be back in my career that reminds me that I am fortunate, daily. And really, I thank God for that.

just hangin out

2008-07-26T19:52:00.000-10:00

We awoke this morning to news that Austen's grandma is not doing well, even worse than before. The most difficult part for Austen is not being able to be there. I know I have said it before, but we knew there would be difficult times likes these, where we wanted to be back at home but couldn't. This is one of those instances. It is difficult to even describe the feeling, where you have no control over anything, and things just keep going downhill. You want nothing more than to be with your family, but are thousands of miles away. For the time being, his grandma is fighting to hold on.

We figured the best way for Austen to relax and get his mind off of things was to go somewhere quiet, so we headed to the beach. There is a place in Kalapana that used to be a beautiful black sand beach. The lava flow totally wiped it out, and there is only more recently a little beach forming further down at the end of the lava. I had been there a couple times before, but Austen was yet to see this place, so we headed down. I happen to really like it, because it is very serene. The waves are too intense for swimming, but it is a great place to just be. The only people that really come down are the tourists, who walk down, take pictures, and quickly leave. So we found a nice little spot to the side and just relaxed. I think we ended up staying a few hours, the time passes so quickly in a place as special as this (push Play on video below).

Now it is about 8:00 pm, and we are thinking we will watch a DVD or something. I am craving a milkshake, but there is nothing like that within miles of here. I wish we kept some sweets in this house! :)

Aloha for now!

dreaming of mainland food

2008-07-25T09:47:00.000-10:00

Last night I had a dream that I was eating Chick-Fil-A, and it was soooo good. I think I was with my old work buddies, Lauren and Amanda (it's where we used to go when we needed to get away from our schools). We went through the drive-through and I ate all my french fries immediately.

Is that sad, or what? I guess I miss Chick-Fil-A. I wish they had them over here, and Chipotle too! It's probably better off for me that they don't, though. :)

Well, we signed the papers yesterday and now we need to get the house inspected. It probably won't go into Escrow until Monday. Whenever it gets inspected, I will take some pictures, because I know the others were tiny.

i bet you are dying to know if we got it!?

2008-07-24T09:16:00.000-10:00

So our realtor, Cynthia, called me yesterday with an update. The seller made a counter offer of a few minor things, and just a couple thousand dollars. So, we are going to sign the papers this afternoon on Austen's lunch break. Still, we would be unwise to get our hopes up, because the home needs to be appraised and inspected. At that point, we will be really celebrating!

I received a phone call from Wells Fargo this morning, stating there was suspicious activity. Someone was entering my debit card number online, trying unsuccessfully many times to enter in the correct expiration date and code from the back of the card, alerting Wells Fargo that it was fraudulent. We took care of it, but man, am I impressed with the bank. I knew it was fraudulent because I don't use my debit card anymore, we are in the process of making sure all purchases clear so that we can close the account. There are no Wells Fargo banks here, which is a shame, because I am impressed with them thus far.

Let's see-- I caught a coqui last night that was, oh, I would say about the size of my pinkie nail. Too cute. I didn't take a picture though.

Aside from that, nothing too exciting going on. I went to Kona yesterday, because that is where a shared branch of our American Airlines credit union is. I am going to make sure that we close that down soon, because this is the last time I am driving almost three hours to Kona just to get some money. But, it was a must. We had to get out enough for a deposit on the house, since it should be going into Escrow tomorrow. I made a stop at Costco while I was on that side of the island, and got necessities and checked out the flooring that they have. Just keeping in mind the things we would like to do with the new house if we get it! :) Costco also has some really nice lanai furniture. Can't wait!

Austen had another Wednesday in Honolulu yesterday. I really feel for him that he has to venture out there every week, I know it is getting old. It is a day where he leaves before 6am and returns about 8pm. No fun. And unfortunately, his work is going to have him fly to the Phillipines for a week or so in August. Luckily, they are going to shedule it around the closing of the house and the final walkthrough and whatnot. I will worry about him while he is over there, it is a foreign country, and I have heard some stuff about that place. Nonetheless, we have to look at it as an opportunity he would have never even thought to explore. I wish I could go with him, but I start work, and the dogs....

Tuesday night, Patric and his friends Rusty and Toby were in town, and we had the chance to go eat some Thai food for dinner with them in Pahoa. As always, Patric was a hoot, and his friend Rusty was a real character. The two men are incredibly fascinating-- both went to Cambridge, then were professors at UC Berkeley. One is an anthropologist, and the other is a geologist. They live in Arizona and visit their condo in Hilo for a month or two during the summer. They were very nice guys, and I was glad to have the chance to meet them.

Well, I guess I had better get ready to go meet Austen and Cynthia. I am thinking I just might stop by Home Depot on the way out of town, just to check it out. We need to keep in mind cost-- everything that is shipped over is more expensive here. So, we will have to stay on a budget. Still, very exciting.

Aloha until next time!

even more excitement!

2008-07-22T08:35:00.000-10:00

All I can say is that I hope good things really do happen in three's.

So yesterday, I had an interview in Hilo. I know, it's pretty crummy that I was still looking for a job even though I had accepted the nanny job, which was to begin August 1st. The thing is, the more I thought about it, I was getting nervous about not being a social worker anymore. I was getting nervous about being in a home and not out in the real world. And yes, I was nervous about not making the money that I would like to be making. Keep in mind, I had had zero luck with having people call me back for interviews. And then, one day last week, three called in one day. They wanted me to come in and interview. Two were only part time work, but one was full time. They called last, and set up an interview for the 21st. I went and met with two of the supervisors of this one agency yesterday, and got a really good feeling. But, I tried not to get too excited, because I have had people give a good vibe and practically swear I would be chosen, only to never hear from them again. It was hard not to get excited, though, when they told me how much the position started at.

As soon as I stepped foot back in the door at home, the home phone rang. They offered me the job, even higher than what they start at. They told me about the benefits, and asked me if I was interested. Hell yeah, I was interested! They told me I could start August 4th. I hung up the phone and literally jumped around in circles for a full 30 seconds. Lambert and Maverick really got excited with this little maneuver.

So now that I have this job making almost 20k more than I did in my last job (sorry if that is tacky, but I have to make sure you understand the magnitude of this job offer!), I have to back out of the nanny job. I am such a coward, I couldn't even call her. For some reason, I had a really hard time telling her. I really am a coward. I emailed her. Ugh. I cringe just thinking about it. In my defense, all of our communication was via email. I think she is a Blackberry user.

Now, I have to call the other two places and cancel my interviews with them. No need to waste my time with a part-time job!

Finally, hard work paid off. Right when I was about to swear off this crappy career of mine forever.

So. Karina got engaged. I was offered a great job. Will we get the house?

Aloha for now!

lots of excitement

2008-07-21T09:04:00.000-10:00

It is hard to say which part of the weekend was most exciting. We went and viewed the lava on Friday night, and it was one of the most amazing things I have ever personally witnessed. As we drove through the parking area to the viewing, we could see red and orange spatters come up over the horizon. We parked the car, turned on our flashlights and headlamp, and headed down the path to the viewing. As we got closer, you could see it better. It was just amazing. Amazing in itself, and amazing that we were able to safely get so close to see Pele's fury. I will post a picture that Austen's coworker took a few nights previous to when we went. Unfortunately, my camera is so outdated that it didn't take a single good picture. Which is a shame, because it was amazing. Hopefully it will still be this active when friends and family visit-- it is one of the main sights to see.

Saturday, Austen and I had a good time looking at houses, and actually found a little cabin-type house that we have put an offer on. I don't want to say too much about it, because I definitely don't want to jynx things. But I will say, it is a home on three acres that are nicely landscaped. It is a one-bedroom, one bath loft home; probably too small for the average couple, but not for us. If we get the house, we will spend some money upgrading things, but it is perfectly liveable the way it is. Most importantly, it is about 20 minutes closer to Hilo than the house we are currently in. Also a plus, it is much more in our price range than some of the others we have looked at. We got approved for homes that we feel would be pushing it, and this one would allow us to live more comfortably. We had to remind ourselves that we didn't come out here to purchase a cookie-cutter home that would be so expensive that we would have to live on credit cards. We came out here to just be happy and comfortable, and to enjoy Hawaii. We figure 3 acres would be better than a giant house. Plus, with some upgrades, we feel that the house will potentially be worth much more. Ok, I am getting ahead of myself. That is all I am going to say for now, I will let you know when we hear more news.

When we came back from house-hunting, I picked up my cell phone (I had left it at the house) only to find a text with a picture of my sister's hand with a giant rock on her left ring finger!!! Turns out, Karina got engaged! I am very excited for her and can't wait for the wedding. Congrats, Karina and Todd!

Sunday, we spent our time in Hilo meeting with our realtor to draw up papers to make an offer on the house. Then we came home and sat outside, just thinking about the possibilities, but trying not to get too excited!

And today-- I have some things to take care of in Hilo, but I know my mind is elsewhere and it will be hard to focus on anything. I will keep you updated. Like I said, please don't get too excited for us, I really don't want to jynx it! I don't even want to talk about it! :)

Aloha for now!

happy birthday, mom!

2008-07-17T15:43:00.000-10:00

Today is my mom's birthday. I think she's 40 or something. Haha, just kidding. But in all honesty, she does look so young, it's because she leads a healthy life. Rarely, and I mean rarely drinks, exercises daily (and has for as long as she's been my momma!), eats healthy (really healthy!)... I mean, I can remember going with my mom to the organic foods store when I was about seven! That was before ANYone was doing the organic thing. That was definitely not the trendy thing to do. And one time I was eating a salad (always loved my salads; consisting of lettuce, celery, and dressing) and there was a little worm or caterpillar on my lettuce. I freaked out, screaming that there was a bug on my salad. And she snapped at me, "you can either eat a bug, or get cancer!" I know this will embarass her when she reads it, but I laugh every time I think about it. My mom has always been wise, and always doing what she could to keep her family healthy. All while working as a teacher (for 29 freaking years)! Now as a 25 year old woman, I see the benefits of the way she lived and lives her life, and I see how hard she worked for her family. And I can't help but be thankful to have such a great role model. So, happy birthday, mom! Hope that doesn't embarass you too much, because it really is funny. I wish I could have been with you on your birthday-- I would have made you an organic salad. :)

So, today, I feel like death. I have had a 2 day migraine, lasting about 28 hours now. I threw up yesterday, and I guess I am coming down off of it now, because the throbbing on the right side is decreasing, but MAN am I tired.

I did go to the doctor this week, and received a referral for an eye specialist so that I can continue my treatment. I am still nervous about seeing a new doctor, but can only hope that he is just as great as my last. Dr. Kozielec was the best doctor I have ever had. He remembered my history each time without looking at my chart. A real personable doctor. He knew my mom's name, my dad's name, Austen's name-- the three people that were always there with me. Unfortunately, it seems those are difficult to come by. But it is oh so nice to have one when it is an ongoing condition. If anyone is interested in knowing about uveitis, pars planitis and cystoid macular edema, http://www.uveitis.org/ has the best info. Just FYI. Very boring, but also informative. And a great reminder because even if you think your eyes are fine because your vision is fine (or because you had Lasik and you don't think you need to go anymore, AUSTEN!), you never know. Something that I wish I could make everyone who knows me read: http://www.uveitis.org/kids/school/guidelines.htm

So, overall, I am impressed with Kaiser, our new health insurance. Austen and I were reluctant to move to Hawaii because of some of the things we had heard about healthcare, and it almost kept us from coming. After much research, we found that Kaiser Permanente is a big company here, and that his work offers a HMO. I haven't had an HMO in ages, so I was nervous about getting a referral and all, but I think everything is going to be ok. I have an appointment next month, I will keep you updated.

Well, I am sure you can see from my rambling about healthcare that not much is going on around here. We got a lot of rain last night, so much that Austen and I wish we had a rain gauge to report the exact amount (I am working on that for a little birthday gift for my weather man). It is almost the weekend, and we want to go see the lava one night. It is very active right now, and is supposed to be spectacular to see at night. And it is only, oh, say 10 miles or so from us. :) And no, that doesn't scare me.

So, I will update you on our weekend happenings next week. Aloha until then!

finally, some rain up in here!

2008-07-13T09:24:00.000-10:00

Ahh, how nice it was to get some rain throughout the night! It has been so very dry lately, which equals stifling heat! All the greenery was starting to look wilted and sad, hopefully they will all perk up.

We have had a very relaxed weekend, beginning with a nice little dinner date at Luquin's on Friday. We shared some fajitas, then came home and read. Yes, that was our Friday night. Not a lot to do around here, and that is ok. I got Into the Wild for Austen a few weeks back, and he has been reading it aloud to me. We both loved the movie, so we thought we would read the book.

Saturday, we went a looked at a couple of houses in HPP. The one that I love is in negotiations, so that might be gone. But we looked at it again anyway. If that offer falls through, we will definitely make an offer. We looked at another house that was similar (the style that we like is called a multi-facetted house-- google "multi-facetted homes in Hawaii" and you can see some examples) and we loved it as well. It was a one-bedroom home, but we could always add on to it. It is on almost an acre and a half, and it backs up to a forest reserve. Oh! And it has an above ground pool! So, we will wait things out a bit, see what happens with the one, and go from there.

After checking out houses, Austen headed out for his fishing excursion to Laupahoehoe. Yes, it is a bummer having him leave on the weekend, because I look forward to human interaction, but he was very excited about it, and I had movies to watch!

I rented The Painted Veil and the first part of Weeds, season 3. I made some veggie sushi rolls and enjoyed the evening with the dogs.

Austen had a great time in Laupahoehoe with his coworkers Steve and Jordan. They are serious fishermen, and Austen enjoys learning from them. He said it was beautiful where they went, and he was able to see Steve's amazing house. That lucky guy has clear views of Maui and the open water.

So, today, I am debating whether or not I want to run. Once that battle is over, we plan to head out to the beach. It is cloudy here, like it might rain more, but you never know what the weather is doing up at the beach until you get there.

I am not ready for another week to begin. I love the weekends too much, when Austen is here and we have fun things to do together. The weekdays go by so slowly, and the time just creeps by. I am so ready to work again, it is driving me NUTS! I try not to think about it, because it just frustrates me that I never found a decent social work job, and that I spent 4 years in undergrad and 1 in grad school only to be in the same (if not worse) situation than I was when I began. I never in my wildest dreams would have guessed that social work would beat me down like this. Anyway, I get bored at home, and I miss having friends to call up to meet for lunch or to jog with or whatever. I thrive off of human interaction, and there is very little of that going on during the week. So, until the beginning of August, I will have to hang in there. At least then, even if it is a baby, I will have daily human interaction! :)

I do have to go into Hilo this week-- Tuesday is my first dr. appointment with our new Hawaii insurance, which scares the hell out of me. I have to go get a referral so I can go to my eye specialist. Looks like I might have to fly to Honolulu for the eye specialist, because there isn't one on this island. That will be interesting to say the least. I just pray that I will receive the same quality treatment that I used to get in Texas. I don't want to lose my vision, not living in this beautiful place! I will keep you updated, I have gotta admit I am nervous about that.

more fun with patric; house-stalking

2008-07-09T05:55:00.000-10:00

After our long weekend of fun, Patric came over on Sunday to keep the good times rollin'. The three of us had an AWESOME dinner of sashimi (Patric said they were out of lobster) and steak with mashed potatoes, salad, and steamed broccoli. I was happier with the sashimi, anyway, because it is my absolute favorite. We had a great dinner and enjoyed some wine and champagne.

Of course on Monday, Austen was back at work, but Patric and I went down to the keiki ponds and had some champagne to toast Toddy. We threw some leis into the ocean and watched them get carried away by the current.

Then, it was off to show Patric the two houses which I am stalking! First, to Hawaiian Paradise Park (HPP) for the 3 bedroom 2 bath house that I AM IN LOOOOOVE WITH. There was a realtor there, so I was able to get in the gate and sneak some peeks in the windows. It is such a cool, open house. Very unique, and that is what I love about it. It has been reduced and is a short sale. We are trying to get into see it this weekend, but my realtor says it just got an offer, and she will let me know if they accept it. I am hoping they don't, and once we look at it closer, we just might make an offer (I have only looked at the outside twice). It is hard to describe-- it is on an acre that is fenced with a gate (a rarity out here), and it has a separate kind of grove of fruit trees and plants. We're talkin' tangerine, lychee, naval orange, meyer lemon, hayden mango, avocado, lilikoi, papaya, coconut, guava... it is too good to be true (hence, the offer that was placed on it).

After going into HPP, we headed up to Ohia Estates, where the other house is. This is up toward Volcano Village, so it is much cooler at night, and there are less bugs (yay!). This is a brand new, never lived-in house. BUT, I'm not so sure about the lot situation. It is on a TINY lot, and we would have to buy the one behind it, too. The one behind it is higher-priced than we would ideally want to pay, because it is cleared and ready for another house. And I just don't think we would want another house back there, because then we still have no extra space. Regardless, the house is perfect. The lots are not. They would need hours of landscaping, and bundles of money in which to buy landscaping! Sooo... who knows! Also, this drive into Hilo would be just as long as our current drive from Leilani Estates. These are just thoughts. I just really want to make sure we make the best decision for our situation. Both are great houses, who knows where we will end up, though. These could both be gone by the time we make an actual decision.

After Ohia Estates, we headed about 2 miles up into Volcano Village and went to Patric's friend Archie's house. It is his family house, and no one was there (it is where we stayed on our first trip to Hawaii together in '06). We cut a couple of flowers for my vase, and then "borrowed" a few herbs and spices from his herb garden. I swear, fresh mint just smells better here. :)

Headed down, stopped at a Japanese tourist destination, an orchid store type place. It was really big, and was FULL of orchids. All kinds of orchids.

Kept heading down, and stopped at the Hilo Coffee Mill in Mountain View. Both Patric and I had never stopped in before. They are clients of Patric's at Costco, so we thought we would stop by. It was on a gorgeous coffee farm, and it was a quaint little shop. It was pretty sunny and hot, so I was in the mood for something cold. I had a passion orange guava smoothie (it was ono).

Made it down into Keaau, made a few stops, and then headed back home into Pahoa. By this time, we were both pretty warn out. Two glasses of champagne at 9:30 in the morning will make you pretty tired after a day of sun in a convertible. We just chilled for about an hour until Austen got home, when we ate dinner and then went to bed.

Patric left yesterday, and now it is Wednesday. Austen is on his way to fly to Honolulu for the day (every Wednesday). I don't have a busy day at all-- more cleaning, and then I am going to meet with Audra. Her friend Bully has some fresh fish for Austen and I. He just caught it.

I start work soon and am ready and excited. Until then, I am enjoying my free time. Austen is working hard and just being the wonderful husband that he is. Maverick and Lambert are finally healthy again (knock on wood) and they send their aloha to their grandmas and Jynx, Gonzo, and Cutie.

one heck of a holiday weekend

2008-07-06T08:16:00.000-10:00

We had a great time at Hilo Bay on the boat. The fireworks were awesome, and we had a lot of fun watching them on the ocean. We decided that it had to have been the best 4th of July we have had. Looking forward to doing it again next year.
Yesterday, Austen and I had a good time hanging out. We went and had an early lunch in Keaau, and then we went to look at a couple of houses, just from the outside to decide if they were worth having our realtor get appointments to show us. There was one in Hawaiian Paradise Parks (HPP) that we LOVED, but it is priced pretty high. It is a short sale, so I am not sure that they would take any less than what it is listed for. Nonetheless, it is on an acre, beautifully landscaped, and it has 3 bedrooms and 2 baths. This house is easily the favorite I have seen so far, and a great investment. The other house toward Volcano is beautiful too, but has 2 bedrooms and only one bath. Also, no carport or garage or anywhere to store things. So that is a negative to that one. We also looked at another house in Orchidland, which is on 3 acres. It is much cheaper because Orchidland can be spotty, but it was a beautiful lot with a nice, private driveway and home. We want to look closer at both of these properties. But we are just keeping our options open-- we will know when we have found the perfect house for us.

We were thinking about going to Shaka's last night for a reggae band that was playing at 9pm, but we decided against it (which is good, because I was sleepy by 8!). It's probably for the best, you never know when you are going to run into trouble. I'm just sayin!...

So, today we are off to the market-- there is something we have been eyeing that we want to get for my mom (her birthday is soon). But, it's a surprise, Mom! We are also going to get some fruits and veggies, and then we will come home and get ready for Patric's arrival!

ahhh

2008-07-04T10:56:00.000-10:00

Happy Independence Day!!!! Austen and I are feeling good, and are off to an excellent holiday weekend. We slept in till about 6:30, then had coffee and breakfast, and then lifted weights and ran. Feels good to be feelin good! We came back from our runs, played some hackey sack, and are now sipping on some hot green tea before we head down to the beach!

Kehena's beach was closed last week, because the seal that we had been seeing was having a baby there! The "entry" down the cliffs was taped off so that the seal could be in peace. But word is on the street (or in the jungle) that the seal is gone and the beach is open again. We haven't been in quite some time, so we are going to head out there for the afternoon.

Later this evening, we are going to meet up with Audra and her kids. We are then going to drive down to Hilo to meet up with her friends that will already be on a boat, and they are going to pick us up. We will be on the ocean so that we can see the fireworks from Hilo Bay! It should be gorgeous, just hoping it doesn't rain too much. We were just going to stay in tonight, but couldn't resist the invitation.

So, we are off to the beach; I will update you on our boat ride later this weekend! Aloha!

pic of the house

2008-07-03T09:39:00.000-10:00

So a few people have been asking about the house that we looked at and are interested in. Thought I would post a picture!

Weather is still hot today! We got rain last night, but it is sunny as ever today. It was supposed to rain! It's not even cloudy. Which reminds me: we had an earthquake in Leilani Estates on Tuesday. Not what you are thinking, because it was a magnitude 2.5. And there are actually tiny little earthquakes like these all over the island every week. I like to look them up on the gov. website and keep up with them. I was home when this little guy occurred, and didn't feel a thing!

Well, I am going to get back to listening to the drug helicoptors. I am assuming that is what the sound that I have heard the past 30 minutes is. They do fly-overs every now and then because the isolated and private jungle backyards provide for excellent harvesting of illegal plants. So they do raids by flying over with helicoptors. I am guessing that is what is going on right now-- unless they are looking for another missing plane (hopefully not)!

Happy 4th of July, friends and family! I hope that everyone has a fun, safe 3-day weekend. I have a feeling that the 4th of July is not quite as big of a deal to many people over here. Not a lot of "patriots," as Austen said last night. There are fireworks over Hilo bay, but we will probably stay safely at home or in Pahoa.

Aloha until next time!

finally, a good offer

2008-07-02T16:29:00.000-10:00

Today I met with the mother of the kids I will be a nanny for. Her name is Lynn, and she is very sweet and friendly. Her mother came along with her to meet me for breakfast. We got to know eachother, and we both had the opportunity to ask questions and such. Problem is, they don't need me until the end of the month. This is obviously a long time to go without a second salary. But honestly, nothing great has come up with the social work world. The pros of being a nanny again are the flexibility, and also the fact that she would be ok with my bringing my own child (in the FUTURE) while I watched hers. Problem is, that is down the road, and for my current situation, a full-time job with benefits would be ideal. Quite the quandry. At least I finally have a prospect!

After I met with Lynn, I did some grocery shopping and errand running before meeting Austen at the park by his office for lunch. It has been pretty hot the past couple days, and I am actually looking forward to rain. We should get some tomorrow, luckily. I can't complain too much about the heat, because I read that last month was record high for DFW. Don't miss that!

That is really all that is new with me. We are looking forward to Patric coming over Sunday, especially since he told me he is making lobster and steak! :) Patric is a BLAST to hang out with, and his laugh is the best thing ever. It should be a great weekend, since it is the 4th of July (Austen is off Friday!) and Patric will be here. Can't wait!

Austen is doing well, just working hard (one of his projects is the elephant enclosure at the Honolulu zoo and that CRACKS ME UP!). Maverick seems to be 100% back to normal. I am so glad I got him to the vet when I did. These dogs are such good boys and they love it here.

p.s.

2008-07-01T15:14:00.000-10:00

By the way, when Austen was putting on his pants this morning, a centipede fell to the floor from inside them. Somehow, it did not manage to sting him. But I just wanted to make note of this, in case anyone out there really thought that living in "paradise" came without its troubles. Obviously, there are some things that you have to live with, like centipedes hanging out in your clothes and roaches the length of your middle finger. But, they are the things that we are willing to accept in return for island life!

back to normal

2008-07-01T09:29:00.000-10:00

(NOTE: I have added pics to the previous post)

I have good news to report: Maverick seems to be doing about 80% better. He really perked up yesterday, so I am assuming the antibiotics are doing the trick. We were really worried about him, and I am so happy he is doing better. He is back to playing with Lambert, barking when a stranger arrives, getting up to go outside, and getting excited when Dad gets home. Thank God!

My buddy Carissa left yesterday to go back to DFW, so it is back to my normal routine of taking care of the dogs, the house, and this husband of mine. ;) Today I need to refill all of our water jugs in Pahoa, I also need to do some major house cleaning. The wood floor gets filthy after a few days of beach-going. Little tiny lava rocks and black sand find their way in somehow.

My exciting news of the week is that Sunday we looked at a few properties that we are interested in buying. Of them, one feels like a wonderful investment and a great deal. Now we have to take the next step by getting pre-approved and SAVING MONEY (which will be much easier since we don't have any more visitors for a couple of months). We have been spending too much on eating dinner out, gas to go to the Kona side, you know-- the stuff that is for fun! No more of that, because I WANT THAT HOUSE! :) It is a beautiful two bedroom house toward Volcano Village, with an awesome kitchen. Granite countertops, mahogony wood cabinets, and Brazilian cherry hardwood floors throughout. It is at higher elevation, so better wind flow and cooler temps, especially at night. I think it would feel so cozy, with Austen and the dogs. I can just see us there! Anyway, it was really cool getting to look at some of these houses. It would be really nice if we could own whenever our lease is up in November.

Tomorrow I am meeting with a lady that is interested in hiring me as her nanny. Not exactly what I had in mind after 4 years of undergrad and 1 of grad school, but social work doesn't seem to pan out even when I am employed. So maybe it is time to put that whole idea on hold. It is a family with a 3 year old son and 7 month baby girl. It seems as though both parents are doctors, and they are moving back here from, of all places, Texas! She told me her husband is a native Hawaiian, and that they have spent the past 10 years in the Houston area. I will keep you updated on that. It is time that I get some kind of income flowing, so I am keeping my fingers crossed!

On a much more serious note, we got news last week that Patric's best friend and practical surrogate mother passed away. Her name was Toddy Martin, and she was loved by all that knew her. Toddy was a very important figure in the Pahoa area, serving on many boards. She was in her 80s, but going on 50. I have never met anyone so young at heart. Whenever Austen and I first came to Hawaii, Patric took us over to Toddy's. I remember her talking about getting an angel tattoo in memory of her daughter who had passed away. When I saw her last month, I told her that I remembered her talking about doing it, and I asked if she got the tattoo. She replied, "honey, I never talk about doing anything." And she pulled down one shoulder of her shirt to reveal an angel tattoo on her left shoulder. We are very saddened of her passing, but know she is in a place where she can meet up with her angel daughter and her husband, Pepper. Pahoa and Kapoho just won't be the same without her.

Austen's grandma was put in the hospital last week, and evidently there was quite a scare that she would pass away. I am happy to report that she is doing a little better, and is receiving medical care in a facility where she will stay. I know it is scary for Austen, being so far away. It is one of those things that we knew we would have to be prepared for. We just weren't prepared when things got bad so fast for my aunt Dana and for his grandma. It really gives you a feeling of helplessness when you can't be with your family in times when you really want to.

Well, that is the latest update on the Drake gang. We are all doing well, and Maverick is on the up and up. Austen is off of work Friday for the 4th of July, and am excited for us to spend our first traditional holiday here (King Kamehameha Day was cool and all, but it wasn't exactly traditional for us). Patric is coming over to this side of the island Sunday, and we are going to have our own memorial for Toddy when he is here.

sick dog in the house

2008-06-26T18:59:00.000-10:00

One of my buds has been here for the past week, so there are lots of things to do and many places to show her. Last week we explored the area some, and then Friday we met up with Austen and a neighbor at Shaka's, the local bar. After Shaka's, we headed to Legends (a restaurant/bar in Keaau), and they had some Polynesian cultural dancing and stuff. There was a dance contest, and it was really fascinating to watch and listen to the drumming. I think everyone had a little too much fun, but it was worth it. Austen got a scary stone-cold look from an old Hawaiian dude, and that was when we decided it was time to go!

Saturday, we went snorkeling in Kapoho and then had dinner at the neighbor's. Sunday through Tuesday morning were spent at the house of my favorite "cousin," dear Patric who lives over on the Kona side of the island. We had a lot of fun-- he made us a gourmet dinner on Sunday night, and we spent Saturday at some great beaches with WHITE sand (as opposed to black lava rock). It was beautiful, and I was able to spend a lot of time in the sun. I had to hit up Costco while over there, and I got new tires for the truck. Also stocked up on basics.

The rest of the week hasn't been very eventful, and hopefully that isn't an issue for my bud or for anyone else that visits in the future. Fact of the matter is, this is where we live, and time living in paradise is not always time spent doing fun stuff. Took care of the house and laundry and stuff just in time for Maverick to get deathly sick today. He has been battling something strange, and today I was worried he would slip away if he didn't get into the vet. He isn't moving much, and won't eat or drink. After Austen left for work, he walked over to the corner of the room back behind the bed and laid there with his face in the corner. I went ahead and called the vet (his original appointment was for July 10th) and they said I could come in and wait.

And wait we did. After carrying the 75 pound guy to the car, we got there sometime after 9 and left there sometime after 1, or something like that. He got a steroid shot, a bandage on his foot (he had a cut in his toes), and some antibiotic pills. They took a lot of samples, but we still don't know what the deal is. So, a close eye will be kept on him.

Well, gotta get back to this poor dog! I think we are going to let the giant guy sleep on the bed tonight. That will at least cheer him up a smidgeon.

Here is a pic from when Carissa and I went to Kehena and Kalapana:

Here are some pics from dinner at Patric's on Sunday night (check out that dish, and Patric's view at sunset!!!!):

And finally, some pics from the beaches on the dry side:

Good times

2008-06-18T06:22:00.000-10:00

Maverick and Lambert are certainly enjoying their new home, in case anybody was wondering.

a pretty good weekend

2008-06-16T07:26:00.000-10:00

Even though it has been rainier than we have seen thus far, we managed to have a pretty good weekend. ;)

Austen was worn out after work on Friday, so we just hung out at the house and I made sashimi with brown rice. We went to bed pretty early, because Austen found out about a moving sale in Hilo that his coworker told him about and we wanted to get there as soon as it opened.

Saturday, we got up about 5:30 and headed into Hilo. We first went into WalMart to get a couple of things, and to get some cash back to use at the sale. The checker was extremely unfriendly to Austen, and he noted how some people look at him and seem to be awaiting the seconds to where they don't have to look at him anymore. It is really strange, because after going several places without him and then going back with him, I do see a difference in the way they treat him. But, this is certainly not everywhere. Just depends on the individual person, and how much hate he may have in his heart. Too bad about that.

At the moving sale, we hit the jackpot, finding everything from a table to an iron, and many other things that we have been waiting to get. Most importantly, we finally have a MICROWAVE! So I can pick up my popcorn habbit again! We spent about 70 bucks, which isn't bad considering how much we got. Everything was dirt cheap. It was pretty funny that Austen found a pair of barely-worn work shoes in his size of 11, and I found some size 8 Chacos sandals that I have been wanting since my camp days in Tennessee. Fairly strange that this couple happened to have the same size feet as us!

After hitting the garage sale, we came back to Leilani Estates and went down to the neighborhood park. We brought the basketball that we had just purchased for three bucks, and played bball for a while. Then we did some sprints in the park and walked around the circle. We headed back home and played hackey sack (another garage sale find), which was super pathetic. We both lack hackey sack skills, but had a lot of fun (once we locked the dogs outside so they would stop trying to steal it from us).

We went to Shaka's in the evening for a couple of beers, and Austen made friends with another cool guy.

Sunday was the same as always: we headed to the dump for recycling and rubbage, then headed to the Makuu Farmers Market. We ran into some of the regular people we chat with, got veggies and salsa, and then had a little meal (veggie spring rolls for me, pad thai chicken for Austen). We also tried Thai iced tea, which was interesting.

We checked out the budget and figured we have been doing pretty good with not eating out, so we splurged and ate dinner at Luquin's Mexican diner. That was oh so bueno. The big game was on, and it was really nice seeing TELEVISION again!!! I made friends with an old Tongan guy that didn't seem to speak much English. He was super friendly and offered to buy Austen and I a drink. We declined, as we needed to head home. A kind gesture though.

Now it is Monday morning, and I have lots of cleaning to do this week before my best bud Carissa gets here later in the week. Maverick and Lambert are going to get baths and their flea treatment application today, too. OH! The excitement.

Last week, we had a great time at Waipio Valley. We had great food: sausage, poke, steak... The waterfall was unbelievable, and the ride up and down in the 4wd was so fun. I got the chance to meet Austen's coworkers in the Hilo office, and everyone was more than kind. On the way home, we drove all the way up out of Waipio Valley with the tackle box on the front above the license plate without knowing it until it went crashing down on the street at a stop sign. People ran over from all over to help us. I am talking like 6 local folks came to help us, one little kid was crawling under the Jeep to get the stuff that had fallen. I was thanking them all over and over, and they were just smiling, saying "no worries." One guy just wanted to know, "did you catch anything!?" This was one of those instances where you remind yourself that not all Hawaiians are the same. Some are rude, and some are more helpful than what you are used to. This happened to be a big group of super kind and friendly people. See photos below from our Waipio adventures.

Aloha until next time.

more of the same

2008-06-10T11:52:00.000-10:00

Weather has been gorgeous, even feels a bit cooler than normal. Our daily (or should I say nightly) rains have been returning some, which is good. You never want that catchment to go empty.

We went swimming at Kehena Beach again last weekend, and saw a new critter: a giant monk seal. When we arrived, he was sunning his fat ass on the beach with the hippies. So strange. Wildlife like this is extremely protected here, so you have to keep a large distance from them. Which is difficult, when it is a beach as small as Kehena. Everyone respected his presence and went on with their beach activities while keeping a distance from him. As the tide got higher, he began to drag his giant body toward the ocean. A storm rolled in and we went ahead and left, so we never got to see him swim into the ocean. He had a sweet little face that reminded Austen and I of Maverick.

After the beach, we headed to the market to get some ahi and seaweed paper to make sushi (which I have never done before). At the market, two checker girls that were clearly locals and probably native Hawaiians rolled their eyes at Austen at the counter. I had not yet witnessed the discimination that he told me about, and it was more than interesting to experience it. I haven't yet had this kind of treatment, but I guess I look a lot different than Austen. He is so good about not letting it get to him, that is what you have to do here if you are going to make it work. You have to accept what you cannot change, and remember how your actions affect others. The slightest rudeness can be very hurtful. We remind ourselves not to take it personal. Just like in social work. One time I had a client at the women's shelter that was mentally ill and probably on drugs. She got so mad at me for something having to do with reprimanding her children. She came at me, and acted as though she was going to hit me. I took such offense to it, never really forgot it. Stuff like that happens all the time-- someone doesn't like you, or says something ugly about you or to you. But really, it isn't about you. People have things going on that we may not even be able to fathom. And some of the locals here may have been taught to hate the white people that came in and took over their land. But it isn't about me, personally. And they may not even fully understand why they have this hatred. It is eye-opening, and I know I have a lot to learn. On the other hand, it seems that many people move here on a whim, and the east side of the Big Island is not like some of the other areas in Hawaii. Newcomers that come over and have a negative attitude and the idea of changing things will not last. And all the newcomers that stay less than a year leave some of the locals with a feeling of distrust. This is what I get out of it all, at least. See? I told you that it isn't a peachy, perfect paradise out here. But I am willing to give a little to get to live here!

So, really, nothing has been going on this week. Just searching for jobs, and considering not doing social work anymore. Realized last night that I graduated over 3 years ago and have done social work the whole time, yet I have gone nowhere. Maybe it really is time for a change. But I just don't know! And I guess that is ok.

Tomorrow is a holiday here, it is King Kamehameha Day. We are going to Waipi'o Valley on the Hamakua Coast, and might hike down to the Hi'ilawe Falls. Austen's office is doing a cookout, so I am going to make brownies and deviled eggs today. Should be a lot of fun. I better finish the chapter about King Kamehameha in the book I am reading, Shoal of Time. I want to be somewhat knowledgeable! By the way, I would totally recommend the book to anyone that wants to learn about Hawaiian history. It is written very well, and almost feels like you are reading a fiction story. It is a shame that we don't learn more about Hawaiian history in school. It is part of the U.S., afterall!

Aloha until next time!

who said we could never capture a coqui?

2008-06-06T14:17:00.000-10:00

The highlight of yesterday was finally catching a coqui and seeing one in person! Right after dinner, Austen saw a coqui on the lanai from inside. We ran outside and captured it with a cocktail shaker. Of course, we have pictures to prove it! Oh, and to the probable dismay of many residents here, we released him back into the wild. I don't care if they make noise at night!

Nothing new on my end, but Austen seems to be fitting right in at work. He works right next to a park, and the whole office went fishing today during lunch. I was just forwarded some pics that one of his coworkers sent to him, so of course I have to put one on the blog.

Lastly, I guess I forgot to post pics of the "new" sleeper sofa that we picked up in Waimea last weekend! Anyone who plans on visiting, check it out, because it will be your bed! It is green and white striped, and pretty comfie (we slept on it last weekend and tried it out).

just truckin along!

2008-06-05T11:36:00.000-10:00

I know I haven't posted in a long time, it's just that nothing all too exciting is going on! It's not vacation anymore, I definitely feel this is my home and I have been busy doing the things that are necessary for East Hawaii life! Hauling rubbage to the dump, taking recycling, refilling the water jugs for drinking water, getting our cars registered, job searching, etc.

My landlord Susan is in town for her daughter's childbirth, and she is staying in the woods in her gazebo. It has been nice hanging out with her some and running around and such. She is very cool and a lot of fun. Strangely, though, I have gotten used to my solitude during the day, and that feels a little disrupted. I guess I am officially a creature of rural Hawaii. Haha.

Austen and I have been waking up around 5 every morning, and we go to Kehena to go swimming at the beach about every other morning before Austen goes into work. It is great exercise and the best way to start a day. I get to spend time with the love of my life, just the two of us, swimming in the ocean as the sun is rising. Truly amazing.

Maverick and Lambert are loving it here. Maverick loves laying outside in the sun and then rolling around in the grass and lava rock. It is too funny. Lambert, well, he still likes to sleep all day and all night. Nothing different there.

As for me, I am just truckin along, getting used to my new life. It is hard to describe to people what it is really like out here. I don't think you get it until you live here. We are lucky to be in the beautiful setting that we are, but it comes with its struggles. For me, I wouldn't have it any other way. But I am nervous with the idea of people visiting (about 50 people are on the list) and expecting a paradise. It is a paradise, but not the kind that is for everyone. But it is always good to experience different lifestyles and cultures, and the east side of the Big Island definitely has its own culture and lifestyle. It is such an amazing place.

I have been under the weather the past 3 days or so, just a throat kind of thing, nothing unusual from what I get a few times a year. I am a little down about the job search, so that doesn't help. But everything else is going very well, I feel like I am at home. Just ready to get in the routine of work and all that.

Well, the rain just started coming down, I think I will take the computer outside and work on my resume on the porch.

It is almost the weekend, and we are going to a cookout with Susan and some other neighbors tomorrow. Wednesday is a Hawaiian holiday, which I am sure Austen is excited about. Aloha until next time...

AMAZING

2008-05-29T14:42:00.000-10:00

Today replaced our last favorite day as our new favorite day. We had a good breakfast of eggs and green onions and bagels with cream cheese, and then headed out to Kalapana for a day of fun. Little did we know, we would have one of the best days ever. This seems to happen often, out here!
Kehena is a black sand beach in Kalapana. I had seen it before from the top of the cliff, but hadn't yet hiked down there for a day in the sun. Since our sunburns seem to be over, we figured we would spend a few hours here. We took a pack with towels, turkey sandwiches, granola bars, and grapefruit juice. We also took two of Susan's light beach chairs. The hike down is not too far, but it is all lava rock, and pretty steep-- so you have to watch your step.

Kehena is by far one of the most beautiful beaches I have seen. Not in your typical way, but in a more rustic, real Hawaii way. Evidently, Kehena used to have a staircase leading down to it, and it used to be a very crowded beach. But an earthquake changed the scenery and made it a more isolated beach with much more privacy, making it a prime spot for nude sunbathers. Remember, Puna is not an area for everyone. You have to be comfortable with a lot of things that may seem different.
We got out in the ocean, where the waves were a little more violent. Spent some time just swimming around, then came out and ate our lunch. We kept seeing many dolphins come up and splash around, so we decided to go out deeper and try to see them with our snorkels. At one point, I was within 20 feet of the little pack, and it was amazing. They were following this one man, who seemed to be making calls to them. It was working, whatever he was doing. It was amazing to be there swimming in the ocean with dolphins. Austen and I had a wonderful time.

Yesterday we got the new truck registered in our names, and went to get our Hawaii driver's licenses. Austen's SS card was laminated, so they turned him down, but I was able to get in there and take the test. I didn't know I would be taking a test, which was scary, but I passed. I guess I am an official resident of Hawaii! Pretty exciting.

Last night we headed to Volcano in our truck to pick up the other two chairs and the dinner table. We loaded it up, and I came home and found a good place for the table. I am ecstatic to have a table and four chairs, this is something I have never had! And all for fifty bucks-- you can't beat that! I found a sleeper couch in Waimea that we are going to pick up Saturday morning. That kills two birds with one stone-- we get the couch taken care of, and also have a place for guests to sleep. We just can't afford an extra bedroom set right now-- it isn't a priority.

So, the great times continue. I am loving this place. I still can't believe I live here. I can't believe we snorkeled with dolphins. Once again, pinch me! Sorry folks, but I don't think we are ever going back home! :)

island life

2008-05-28T09:34:00.000-10:00

Well, time is going by quickly-- I have already been here almost a month.

Audra and Bob and their kids came over for a cook-out the other night. All the food was excellent. We had a good time talking and eating and playing football with the kids. They are a very nice couple, they have similar attitudes and risk-taking personalities as us.

Monday, we went to Hilo town to run a few errands and to get some books on Hawaiian history and fishing in Hawaii. Then we went to Hilo Bay and walked around and just watched the ocean. We are trying to live it up and make the best of time before we start work (Austen starts Friday!).

Yesterday was a very busy day, full of driving. We have been checking out cars and furniture daily on craigslist.com. We have been looking for a small pickup, and we wanting something in the 5000 dollar range, with under 100k miles. It just wasn't happenin', not for under 5k! Finally, we located a small Mazda pickup, a 2005 with 39,000 miles. A little over our budget, but not by much. So, we met the gentleman in Waikoloa to see it. Loved it, made an offer, bought it! Went with the man to the credit union and transferred money from our account to his (worked out well that we both have the same credit union!). Then, we went to Costco (it is only on this side of the island, a couple hours away) and got some basics. After Costco, we met Patric for lunch and had a great meal. Best of all, we got to see Patric, who is one of my all-time favorite people!

On the way back to Hilo, we decided to go another route. The one that we came on is called Saddle Road, and boy is it rough! It is beautiful-- you drive through the mountains and up in elevation. But parts are under construction and slow, others should be under construction and are bumpy. It is a shorter route since you get to go straight across the island, but it takes longer because of the roads. It goes through a huuuge military training area, which is creepy to me. They are out there in the middle of nowhere, it is pretty much a desert. And all sides of the road are off-limits; there is no stopping. It says it is a high danger site to the sides, due to firing risk. What are they doing way the hell out here!!? Anyway, we didn't take that road home. We went up over the top of the island, which is just as gorgeous a drive, but in other ways. It is green and lush and beautiful. Best of all, you get to drive through Waimea, which is one of our favorite towns.

We were pretty glad to be home. When you live in Isolation Forest, as I call it, you can't handle too long of periods in civilization! :) We were happy to be back in the trees with the cocqui frogs "co-keeee"-ing, and with our dogs.

We cleaned up the truck and took the dogs for a spin in the truck in the rain. Speaking of rain, it is finally raining again. When the vast majority of people rely in catchment tanks for household water, it is pretty scary when you go too long without much rain. Finally, last night, we got the normal evening and morning rains.

Today, the handyman comes back to try to finish the hot water stuff. He is finishing a timer that he put on. We have to go to Hilo again to have our Hawaii ID cards made, and we have to transfer the new car's registration to our names. We also need to transfer the Scion to Hawaii County registration, which first requires a safety inspection. So, it will be another busy day. Tomorrow, we plan on resting up, maybe fishing!

It is really strange feeling so distant from everything going on in what I feel is the real world. My aunt Dana passed away last week, and I was not able to be there for anything. It is really strange, when something like that happens, you realize just how far you are. It isn't like you can just drive there and get there. It isn't even like you can just fly there and get there like that. It makes me nervous with gas going up and the state of flying. When I got here, gas was $3.81. Now it is $4.03. Will I be able to afford to go home, ever!? It is very strange. At the same time, I feel well-connected with texting, phones, internet. But I am ready for my mom to come visit and enjoy my world with me. It is weird to think that if I don't go home, I won't see my dad for over a year. I guess these are things that everyone realizes at some point. It wasn't like I didn't know it was going to be like this. It is just that you don't feel the effects until certain things happen.

We still love it here and have no regrets as of yet. We both have good attitudes about everything. Just like anywhere, you encounter rudeness. People are people, just trying to do what they need to do to get by. We are all the same. Some people, I can do without, just like back in Texas. Some people are people you know you will never forget. It is awesome being surrounded by culture and variety. Had I never been out of DFW, I would have been a little shocked, but aspects of Pahoa and Hawaii in general are like Austin--which I loved more than anywhere. It is definitely not for everyone. May not be for most. But I feel in my heart that we did the right thing. I already feel my health has benefited. For over a year, I had reoccurring headaches on the right side of my head. While they think it may be eye-disease related, we never found out for sure. Here, they are much more faint. In Texas, I spent hundreds of dollars on allergy and asthma relief. Here, I take nothing. I can't stress how much of a miracle that is, considering I am somewhere greener than green, with flowers blooming everywhere. Before, I was allergic to everything. I don't know what has happened.

Well, I guess I better get on with my day. Today, for the first time since I got here, I am going to blow dry my hair and wear it down! No need to do that on a regular basis-- I usually pull it up in a bunch wet and let it dry. But today is different-- I am having my ID card made! :) Better look my Hawaiian best. Hahaha....

Mom, Dad, Karina, and Grandpa: I miss you all more than anything. You were part of my almost everyday life, and it is strange not being able to see you. Don't think for a second that I don't think about each of you everyday.

Cutie: I don't think about you daily, but I do miss you :)

It is crazy how much I miss my family and friends, and how strange it feels to know that it could be a long time before I see anyone again.

it's a small world, after all

2008-05-24T10:55:00.000-10:00

Let me just start out by saying, that I thought the island was much bigger than it is. To me, it still feels big-- but people keep telling me that it is an island and there are only so many people on it, so you see the same people over and over. I thought, whatever, not me, I won't run into the same people. I actually thought we would have a hard time making friends. Now I am beginning to think what people are saying is true.

Sometime earlier in the week, we went to a bar called Shaka's in Pahoa. We talked to the bartender for a little while, and I talked to the drunk old man next to me some. We noticed a squirrely guy with long hair and blue eyes, only because he was squirrely-looking and a bit different-looking (although most people in Pahoa are, well, different). Well, Thursday, we went into Hilo to go to Cost U Less (kinda like Costco, but smaller) and saw the squirrely guy there. Friday, we went into Pahoa and ate dinner at Luquin's. There he was again. After dinner, we decided to go to Shaka's for a happy-hour beer. There he was again. Man, this is a small place!

At Shaka's, the same bartender was there, we talked with her for a while. Everyone is starting to look familiar. Then, a guy comes over to the bar, and we talk some. Turns out he lives maybe 2 miles from us, and he asks what we do. Austen, of course, is a civil engineer. I am unemployed and don't want to do social work with moms and kids here. "Oh, you should talk to Brian-- he's right there. He is a big wig at an agency here that works with mental illness and drug-abusing clients." So, I talk to Brian and his girlfriend, who say they love their jobs and they make good money. "You have a job, don't worry about it. Oh, but come with us to Legend's-- a Sublime cover-band is playing and it'll be a good time." Well, we had to go! I want a job.

In the parking lot, as we get out of the car, I am thinking, how are we going to find them? And just then, we hear, "Brian, Tara!!!!" Those are the people we are here to meet, and there they are, just pulled up and got out of their cars.

Inside, everyone introduces us to just about everyone. And this is no small hole-in-the-wall. This is, I guess, the place to hang out.

The band is really good. It is a lot of fun listening to reggae music in Hawaii with locals. Feels surreal. I think we really are living our dream!

So, hopefully some job opportunities will come out of this. I have been wanting to change fields for a long time, and took a lot of chemical dependency courses in undergrad. Why did I forget I had an interest in this field? How could I forget how much I loved working with the mentally ill back at Easter Seals in Tennessee? I think I got so used to my routine that I didn't try to make a change when I was unhappy. And also, there is less networking in Texas. Here, that is what every single thing is about. And the lesson is, bars are a great place to meet people. Haha.

So, I guess we have made a few new pals. And I know we will run into them again! It's just how it goes. Speaking of pals, Audra and her family are coming over tonight for a cook-out. We are going to have hamburgers, hotdogs, and best of all, I bought a whole ahi that Austen is going to gut and grill!

I was really starting to worry about not working. I had hoped I would find a job by now. And me having no income delays buying a house, a delay could mean not getting in there before the market goes back up again, which could mean we could never own out here. But why was I worrying? Things will happen the way they need to.

Looking forward to a good holiday weekend. Tomorrow is the farmer's market, which is a blast. Tuesday, we are going to go over to the west side and go to Costco and KMart, and then see Patric.

Things are getting better all the time. It helps when you start to figure yourself out.

found my favorite fish

2008-05-21T17:53:00.000-10:00

Austen and I had a lot of fun preparing the ahi that we bought at Suisan's yesterday. Suisan's is cool because it is fresh-caught, as in that day. Well we brought the ahi home and I marinated it in Mr. Yoshida's sauce (which my dad will be so happy to know is available here in abundance), garlic, and fresh lime juice. I prepared brown rice while Austen got the grill ready. We didn't know if it would taste as good as in the restaurants, but figured we could only try and get better.

He grilled each ahi steak for about 30 seconds per side. Then we brought it inside and chowed down. It was the best fish I have had in my entire life. Perfection. We had a nice dinner and glass of white wine, then watched The Office online until we fell asleep (very early).

Today, we went down to Pohoiki and watched the talented and crazy surfers. I say crazy, because this is a very rough coast with violent waves and sharp and jagged lava rock. They were very amazing, and we vowed to take more surfing lessons (somewhere for beginners, say Waikiki). I showed Austen where the hot pond was, and we explored a little. Then we headed over to Kalapana to see the area that was overtaken by lava. I had a shave ice, passionfruit-flavored. We explored some and walked around.

Headed back into Pahoa, did a little more exploring. Came home and decided we had to have ahi again. We had two more ahi steaks, and figured we might as well eat it tonight while it is still very fresh. It was just as wonderful as last night. I think we both have a new favorite. I never thought I would be eating half-raw fish. But it doesn't taste even the slightest bit fishy. It is seared to perfection on each side, and the flavor is amazing. Mmm mmm mmm.

We did some house cleaning today. The hot water heater is giving us problems again (stopped working yesterday), so a handy man is coming over tomorrow. We also have to go into town to pick up my car, which arrives in Hilo.

We got a package today, which I had sent about 3 weeks ago USPS Parcel Post. It was a little UT Longhorns side table that my grandpa had bought for me. I just left it in its shipping box, and shipped it to myself as soon as we had an address. It is adorable, and arrived completely undamaged. I am using it as my nightstand, which is perfect, since we are lacking in the furniture department.

I guess that is about all that is new. I gave Austen a haircut, and we really like it. It is very fitting on him (I think he looks a little like Jack Johnson) and he actually looks a little Hawaiian with it! LOL.

Austen is snoring right next to me, guess he is worn out from the day. And also from waking up at the break of dawn everyday. Need I mention it is only 6:00 pm? ;)

I am glad we are making the most of our days until work begins. No, I don't have a job yet. I am still working on that, applying everywhere, and trying to avoid having to work somewhere like CPS. That will be a last resort. Austen starts work next Friday.

feelin good

2008-05-20T13:43:00.001-10:00

Due to our blistering sunburns from Kaphoho, we have been taking it easy. Yesterday we went to Hilo to do some errands. Went to WalMart first off, to get some aloe vera lotion and sunblock. We went ahead and got some snorkels and water shoes, too. Austen's feet are quite torn up from snorkeling bare foot around the lava rocks. We need to have these things on hand.

Started starving like the pigs we are, and went to a sports bar/restaurant called Cronies. Austen knew that I had been craving wings, so this was a nice treat. Feeling fat and full, we stopped at a place called Suisans (sounds like Sooey sahns). Word is, this is the best place to get a good deal on fresh fish. We got two pounds of Ahi, and are excited to make it ourselves. Then we headed back home, and took a nap due to the fat-pig disease. :)

Woke up and decided to go into Pahoa-- Austen hadn't really been in the "downtown" part of Pahoa. We walked around, hung out some. Had a great time, met some strange folks.

Came home and hung out some more, sat on the porch and listened to Ben Harper. Ended the night listening to Tupac, had a couple bloody marys, and crashed. We both agreed it was the best sleep we had had. Maverick has stopped walking around all night long, which sounds like a little tap dance on the wood floors. Now, he doesn't tap dance until about 5am. He must be feeling more at home, too.

Today, we began the day with our favorite breakfast, potatoes o'brien (kinda like hashbrowns, but diced and with bell peppers and onions) and eggs with green onions. By the way, green onions out here are like 3 feet long. Mmmm. We had some coffee, ate our food, sat outside. We hung out in the bedroom with the windows open while it rained for about 30 minutes. Gorgeous.

Then, we figured we would get some exercise. We went on an hour and a half jog/walk. The weather was perfect, the rain had ended for now. It has been pretty dry these past few days, so the rain was good. Last thing you want when you rely on water catchment is a drought.

When we returned from our jog/walk, we made some turkey sandwiches and feasted on them with some oranges and mango. We made the dogs stay outside so that we could eat on the floor without the little pests bugging us. Lambert scratched on the door while Maverick gave us the evil eye.

Had a cup of hot black tea each, and then relaxed. That is where we are left! Just relaxing. Not bad. Not bad at all. It is going to be so hard when we have to go back to work.

Thing to add to my list of things I like about Hawaii:
-I am miracurously free of allergies here. For those of you who know me, this really is a miracle. I am asthmatic and have very severe allergies. My whole life, no matter where I go, no matter what time of year, the allergies really get to me. I sneeze while I sleep, my nose runs so much that I go through gazillions of kleenexes. No more. I hardly sneeze at all, and my nose is not running. Amazing.

finding peace and serenity

2008-05-18T19:50:00.000-10:00

Today was honestly one of the best days of my life. I guess it all began yesterday when I picked up Austen and the dogs. I got to the airport early, and Austen's flight was delayed. I stopped in the airport bar and had a quick beer. One thing about Hawaii: any moment spent "talkin story" is never a moment wasted. Bars are a great place to meet really neat local people. Even if it is just 20 minutes you have to spare. This is something Austen and I learned in 2007, at a little sports bar in Waikiki, when we met a native Hawaiian, Alii.

Anyway, after chatting for about 20 minutes with a very nice Hawaiian lady, it was time to wait on Austen's Hawaiian Airlines flight to come in. I first went and asked the guy to get us a porter. He called for one, and I waited patiently. I looked up and saw Austen, grinning from ear to ear. The happiness I experienced just seeing him come down the escalator cannot be described. I have never known anyone like my husband, and therefore it is difficult for me to explain what it did to my heart to be without him every day for two weeks. Did you ever see Jerry McGuire? Well, he completes me, oh so much more than Renee Zellwegger for nutjob Tom Cruise.

Anyway, so Austen came down the escalator. And I was 95% complete. We waited for Maverick and Lambert to come out of the baggage claim, when the guy that was helping me look for a porter came to let us know that they would actually be coming out of the little door next to the baggage claim. Oh! So we looked next to it-- and there were their kennels! And they were alive, and being quiet and good!

This is the point where for the first time probably ever, I realized everything was going to be ok. Now, the ride home was quite humorous. We tried many configurations before we found one that would work. We had to break down Mav's crate and slip it in the Jeep through the back door. Then, we placed Lamb in his crate inside of Mav's broken-down crate (Mav's crate is HUGE). Then, Austen sat up front with Maverick, 80 pounds and all, IN HIS LAP! This was our only option. We drove back to Leilani with the windows unrolled (or should I say unzipped?) and Maverick with his head hanging out the window. Only in Hawaii.

God, things are so much better than just ok. We started our first day with Austen waking up early (as you can't help but do, for at least the first 2 weeks you are in Hawaii). He was able to check out the property in the light, and I think he was just as amazed as I was when I first pulled up. This place is simply amazing. Off the beaten path, and beautiful. And seeing it for the first time almost takes your breath away. He felt the same.

We had some toasted bagels with cream cheese, a cup of coffee each, and a bloody mary. Why not? We are on vacation, for now at least. Then we headed out to the Makuu Farmer's Market in Pahoa. We probably looked like giddy newly-weds. I know I felt like one. We bought green and red bell peppers, 3 large papayas, purple onions, green onions, leafy green lettuce, Tahiti limes, and 2 cucumbers (2 for $1.50 is so much better than 1 for $6!). The prices were not only better than the grocery stores, but most were better than the mainland prices. And the sizes and freshness were amazing. We get to do this every week.

We came back to the house and got ready for a day in Kapoho with our new friends Audra and Bob, and their kiddos Donald and Adam. They called us to tell us where to meet, and we pulled up just as they did. We drove in Susan's bad ass Jeep and followed them to Kapoho. We zipped the windows down, and felt the fresh air. We couldn't help but look at eachother every 3 minutes grinning from ear to ear.

In Kapoho, we enjoyed about 5 hours doing just the things we hoped we would come to do in Hawaii. But all in one day. We spear fished, snorkeled, fished for eel, tanned, ate, drank, and were more than merry. Audra and Bob had permission to come to this gated community, in fact, they came here about once a week with their kids. There was a tidal pond right in front of the house for snorkeling, and then the rest of the ocean lays right ahead. Bob caught one creepy-looking eel. At the end of our afternoon, their friend and realtor, Susan, showed up. We talked for a while, and decided that we would look at properties soon. Afterall, it would be ideal for Austen and I to find a house when the market bottoms out. And Susan has a knack for helping people find what they really need.

After feeling sunburned and fried, Austen and I hugged the crew goodbye and headed off to our home in Leilani Estates. Once again, the grins...

It was one hell of a first day for Austen. These kids of Audra and Bobs are the sweetest little angels. Audra and Bob are an amazing, happy couple that, like Austen and I, gave up everything they had going on the mainland for the hope of a new, better, more relaxed life in Hawaii. And they are achieving their dream. May not be easy, but it is worth it for them.

We came home and baked potatoes. While waiting, I went ahead and chopped some potatoes, green and red bell peppers, and onions for Potatoes O'Brien in the morning. This frozen breakfast staple may be too much for us to afford here, but we can just as cheaply prepare it ourselves and freeze it. That is the difference of Texas and Hawaii. In Texas, your favorite food may be cheap and easily accessible. In Hawaii, it may or may not be easlily accessible (in this case, I haven't even seen it packaged frozen like I did at home). It will most likely not be cheap. But you can get creative, shop around for the ingredients at the farmer's markets, and make it yourself. I have a feeling that when we cook these ingredients in our $10-for-a-giant-jug-of-olive-oil, it will taste oh so much better.

I guess what I am trying to say is, we had the best day. This day competes with my wedding day for best days. I feel happier than I think I ever have. I have the love of my life living my dream with me. He is happy, I am happy. Our stupid dogs are happy! It truly doesn't get better than this. And while it is sickening how much I miss my loved ones, I know that in the end, this is what we needed to do to find peace. I thought the journey started when we were preparing to leave Texas. But now I think, this is where the journey will begin.

feeling like home

2008-05-17T09:08:00.000-10:00

Thursday night I had some major cabin fever. I am reducing my outings since I have the Jeep right now, and it is a major gas guzzler. So Thursday, I never left home. The daytime is great, it is sunny all day, the house is well-lit and safe from bugs (haha). Plenty for me to find to do. But come 7:00pm, I get a little sad. People back home have all gone to bed, so the emails and texts and phone calls stop. It gets dark outside, and I get bored. Normally, in a situation like this, I would eat away my boredom. Well, I just don't have any good junk food in that kitchen! Junk foods and processed foods are too expensive here, and I just can't validate it!

I have watched everything I can possibly watch online. I watched the whole season of Lipstick Jungle, and that is a show I don't even really care for. I tried to watch Tila Tequila, but it just makes me feel sick. It is pretty strange not having a TV, and not watching the news while I have coffee in the morning.

So Thursday night, Austen met up with our best friends Tim and Amy, and our good friend and neighbor Scott. I am not sure who else was present, but I kept up with Amy by text. And it was sad not being there. I had two glasses of wine (by glasses, I mean tumblers, because we don't have wine glasses yet) and was there in spirit. It just made me wish I could pick up all our friends and family and plant them here in Hawaii.

Friday, I met up with my new friend from the pizza place, Audra. I met them at their house, and we departed for a long day of shipping. Her husband stayed at home with their boys so we could focus! :) She showed me all the good places that I need to know. A feed store for dog food, Cost You Less warehouse, the best market to get veggies, the best place to get fruits... Around here when you are on a fixed income, you shop around. You don't just purchase whatever strikes your fancy, that is how you go broke out here. We spent hours in Hilo, and filled up her huge SUV with groceries.

This family is indescribably sweet. Her boys seem to be having the best childhood possible, running around with the critters, knowing all the native plants, swimming, snorkeling, while being immersed in culture and diversity. When we pulled up in her giant SUV, the 3-year old came running barefoot down the (lava rocky!) drive way, so excited she was back. He jumped in her lap to steer the car down the driveway. So endearing. The boys were excited to have a visitor, saying "Auntie Ashley, come see this" every minute or so. This is Hawaii.

Audra and Bob have invited Austen and I to go eel fishing on Sunday. This sounds terribly exciting, and Austen says he is up for it. They have offered also to help me pick up the dinner table from the guy in Volcano, since I needed a truck for it. These are super-nice folks.

In the meantime, back home, Austen was busy preparing for the flight with the dogs, and seeing parents one last time. I can hear the sadness in everyone's voices, and it pains me. I would like nothing better than for our families to someday be able to get out here as well. It isn't vacationland Hawaii. It is hard work just getting by. And you deal with a lot of things foreign to most people: water catchments, earthquakes, mudslides, drought (well, that is less foreign), centipedes... But I have no doubt in my mind that it will all be worth it. This place is just... different.

I just got out here a couple weeks ago, and I am already having the guilt that I knew I would. I knew loved ones would pass away while I was so far away. My aunt Dana is in hospice, expected to pass away any day. There is a good chance that it will be impossible for me to get back home. I figure that many things will occur back home that will make me want to be there, and will make me feel guilty as hell that I am not. This is what I am looking forward to the least.

Austen is on his way over with the dogs. He called me about 4am my time to say he was in Houston, that the flight from DFW left late, and now he is worried that the dogs made it on too (he barely made it on). So now I will be worried until I hear from him in Honolulu. I think there is only one flight to Honolulu per day, and I can't bear the thought of our dogs spending the night alone in their kennels in Houston. I layed awake for hours just praying that they get here alive. The dealbreaker for me and making this move would have been that we had to do anything for ourselves at the expense of the dogs. I don't think it would be fair. That is why we prepared them well in advance so they didn't have to serve the 180 day quarantine. That is why we have gone over the plan with scrutiny. I just, well, I pray that all three of them make it here at 6pm tonight, alive and well and on time!

In the meantime, I am really beginning to feel like this is my home. I know that once all the pieces of the puzzle are here, I can call it that. Until then...

back in the saddle again

2008-05-14T16:07:00.000-10:00

OK, things are getting back to normal! I got some good things taken care of today, the most important being I jogged! For the first time in a few weeks. And while it did not feel good while I was doing it, I sure feel good now. Our property is nice and private, so I was able to stretch and do some warm up stuff in the yard in a sports bra without feeling like a fat ass. Then, I put on my shirt and headed for the pavement (we actually have a paved street). I didn't go very far, but it's the fact that I went. :)

Only in Hawaii can you go jogging and encounter so many critters. I saw (in this order): Japanese white eye birds (my absolute favorite here), finches, a mongoose, a dog that looked like a cat, a cat that looked like a dog, and either a cat or a dog (I think it was a dog, since it was in a dog house).

I took care of insurance stuff today, too. Got all of our policies switched over to our new address. When the scion arrives on the 21st, it will be all ready to go, and we got rental insurance and also got the ring insured. Feels good to have that in order.

That is really all that is new with today. I live a pretty boring life, but it's a pretty good one. I even figured out how to take pics of myself with a timer. Here I am!

fun with patric

2008-05-14T09:11:00.000-10:00

Once again, there is lots to catch up on!

Sunday afternoon, Patric arrived from the dry side. I was so excited to have a visitor, starting to get a little lonely. And Patric is the best of visitors, as many of you know!

I showed him around the place, he checked out the flowers and the birds. I showed him the surrounding property and my landlord's little gazebo cottage. We had a glass of wine, and headed into Pahoa for Luquin's mexican food. I had been looking forward to this for a long time. I am really missing the Mexican food!

Luquin's was excellent. It was good and authentic Mexican food, supposedly the best on the island. Not as good as Chuy's, but certainly good.

We headed back to my place, had some more wine, split up the bedding, and slept in our separate rooms.

Got up, had coffee, chatted for a while, and then furniture ARRIVED!!!!!!!!! This is the highlight of my week. Since Austen and I were sleeping on an air mattress back in Texas for about a month, I could hardly remember what it was like to be up off the floor. The bed looked awesome, felt good-- it was a pillow top. I got a good deal on the bed and mattress, too. Also, my little table and chairs arrived all put together.

Now that the furniture had been delivered, we were able to turn in my rental car at the airport. My landlord, Susan, is so kind that she is letting me use her Jeep until my car ships in on the 21st. This saves me SO much money.

Turned in the car, went to Ross so Patric could look for a gift, and headed to a little cafe for lunch in Hilo. It was a really neat little cafe, selling foods made from organic and locally grown fruits and veggies. It was so very good-- Patric knows all the best places to go. I had 2 beers, he had 2 frilly wine drinks. We had fun, laughing and talking. The people around us that were eating on their lunch breaks were looking at us, but we didn't care-- we were having such a great time.

After our lunch, Patric put the top down on his car and took me down the opposite direction of my house, in a direction I had not been exploring yet. First stop was a beach that had a hot pond in it. It was gorgeous. The water felt about 90 degress.

Then, we headed down into a strange little area with these crazy small luxory homes. Patric said it is an predominantly gay area, and a lot off people live off-grid (solar powered, no electricity). There is a lot of that on the east side of Hawaii, by the way.
We went down further, to where the lava has more recently destroyed a beach and part of a community, called Kalapana. Here, there was a local man selling ava, which is made from the kava root. They make it into a beverage that is supposed to calm you down, make you feel less anxiety. For the cultural experience, Patric and I bought a cup. It pretty much tastes like dirt. But you don't drink it for the taste, and they don't recommend that you drink it slow or sip it. My mouth started feeling tingly after a while, and Patric said he felt like he had a perpetual smile. We chatted with the local man and the 2 local-looking men, that we found out were from Papa New Guinea.On the way back, we ran into Patric's friend Sam. He lives in a tree-house type of dwelling. Evidently, he is a wealthy photographer who retired here on the beach. He was outside of his house, so we stopped to say hello. He was extremely kind. Time to head home.

We stopped and switched cars-- I figured I should make sure the Jeep was running and all, so we jumped in and headed to town. Patric kept calling me a "tittah" in my "tittah car". A tittah is a rough Hawaiian girl. One that I would call a hause. We laughed our asses off the whole ride into town. It was pretty bumpy, lots of fun. Patric and I ate at a little Thai restaurant in Pahoa. We ordered lots of stuff and shared. It was all pretty good, but one of them was my favorite. Don't remember the name though-- some kind of spicy shrimp soup. Austen would have LOVED it.

Came home after dinner, got ready for bed. I offered Patric the new bed since he's old. He accepted. Back to the floor for me.

Patric headed out Tuesday morning. Back to the dry side.

I talked to the mother from the family I had met last week at the pizza place. We are going to do a little shopping tomorrow. She is going to show me the best places to get produce. I guess I have made my first friend.

So now it is Wednesday morning. I slept on our new bed for the first time, and it was glorious.

There are about 58 hours until Austen arrives with my babies. I can't wait. Today is Austen's last day of work. And now for another day in paradise... :)

bugs and aloha

2008-05-11T14:23:00.000-10:00

I take a couple of days off from blogging, and I have so much to catch up on!

I began yesterday with a little garage sale. It was oh so much smaller than I had hoped, there wasn't much of anything there. And no furniture. But it was one street over from our house, so I talked to the family to get the scoop. They told me who to watch out for on our street, and we chatted a little while about the public school system. I bought a little hemp bracelet that the 15 year-old daughter had made herself. She told me that she is homeschooled, and works to pay for her tutoring-- she gives her parents half of everything she earns. It was at this moment that I remembered that I really am in a whole new world. But the family was very friendly, and I left with a wooden bowl set and a hemp bracelet.

I came home to struggle with the hot water some more. For whatever reason, it hasn't been working right since I got here. Toyed around with it, had no luck. Emailed my landlord and went into town.

After going into Hilo and getting some more stuff, I stopped in Pahoa to make copies of the key, since Austen will be here SOON! :) Then I stopped at this really cool hippie lady's store, and got some fabric to cover the windows. Couldn't WAIT to finally feel safe in the room I sleep in at night. Upon leaving the store, I found a little pizza joint. Since I hadn't eaten anything but Special K, salad, and Ramen noodles since I got here, I thought I would treat myself to a slice of pizza. A couple came in with their kids, and they brought beer in with them. I asked him if that was allowed, and he said the place didn't have a liquor license so you could BYOB. He then brought me one from the car, and I sat and ate pizza with the family. They were from Chicago, and had been here over a year after deciding life in the fast lane was not what life is all about. Their kids were 7 and 3, and were the cutest little boys ever. We chatted for over an hour, discussing the bugs, water catchment, building a house, the aloha spirit, etc. They were really neat people, and the kiddos kept interrupting politely, saying "auntie" and telling me a story about toads, or riding bikes, or centipedes. Talking with this family just confirmed what I already knew: this is the place I want to start a family. I got the mom's phone number (she said she would show me the best places for good deals on groceries) and left with a hug.

At home, it was already dark. I talked to my landlord Susan for a while, tried to figure out what the deal is with the water heater. I have to admit, the cold showers are extremely cold and uncomfortable. Catchment rain water is chilly! We decided to work it out in the morning.

Well it was a bug-filled night.

Standing in the kitchen, I was starting at the corner cabinet, when I realized it actually opened all the way. I opened it, stuck my head in, and realized it was Thomasville cabinetry. Oooh, nice, Thomasville! I thought. Then I thought, Ash, get your head out of here, there could be roaches, when just then, a roach came at my head. I screamed pretty loud, embarassed afterward that the neighbors would surely think I was hurt if they had heard me. Which was possible, even the closest neighbor is about 2 acres away!

I slammed that thing shut, grabbed a huge glass of wine, and went to my floor palette to try to sleep. I watched episodes of the office online, when a roach came flying by under me. Where the hell did he come from? I am telling myself this was the same 4 inch sucker from the kitchen, but I know it was probably a different one. BTW, if anyone has any great ideas on making myself NOT deathly afraid of roaches, please let me know. It is my biggest fear in life, and I know it is totally irrational.

So, I sprayed this guy down for so long that I think I almost passed out from the flower-scented fumes. I left him there and tried to go to sleep. It was a rough night. Did I mention I am ready to have my bed here?

Woke up to my first centiped lying in the living room, he was mostly dead. He was pretty freaky looking. It was the first one I have seen. I am hoping maybe it will be the last, but probably just one among hundreds. This is a rainforest, right?

So, even after all this, I am remaining happy. I called Susan to try to figure out the water. She walked me through a few things, none of which worked. So she had me go out to her gazebo to see if its water was working. When descending down the stairs (which were wet), I busted my ass harder than ever before, with my left arm twisted under me when I tried to catch myself. I will have to watch this in the future. After sliding down each step (with the first one feeling like it is jammed in my back still), I got up without pride. Susan heard it all, we were happy I was ok.

Came inside and called a handy man who is supposed to come tomorrow morning. But get this: the hot water is working now! I took an awesome ten-minute shower and SHAVED MY LEGS! Yesss!

So, I cleaned up the house and have vowed to bomb it once I get some stuff from town. I can't handle these bugs, not without Austen here to kill them for me! :)

Despite how I must sound, I am having a kick ass time. This place is amazing. And while I am feeling a little lonely at times, I am proud of myself and learning a lot. I recommend the experience to everyone! ;) Please see smile to prove it! haha

Patric is on his way over, we are going to dinner, and I am so excited!

Tomorrow, FURNITURE!!!!!!

settling in

2008-05-09T19:09:00.000-10:00

So today was the most uneventful of all the days. I didn't sleep well last night because we had downpours all night. I am used to the rains each night, but these were heavy ones. On the metal or tin or whatever it is roof, it sounds pretty dang loud. Once I get over the idea that a tornado is next, it will all be good. It's just that back home, rains this heavy usually meant Austen was up and checking out the satelite, or the tornado sirens were on, or we were thinking about moving our cars to prevent hail damage. Well, this rain is not an issue. So I just need to get used to that.

Slept in kinda late, till about 7:30. Had a slow start to the morning, just took a shower, enjoyed coffee, looked at stuff online. It is the only way to have any idea what is going on in the world. I need to subscribe to the paper.

Fixed up the house some (see pic of my little seating area, with the wicker chair I bought the other day and also the kitchen pic), and headed into Volcano Village to check out this guy's furniture from craigslist.com. He was a cool dude, a wildlife biologist who is reluctantly moving back to the mainland. He seemed pretty bummed about it. Work is hard to find around here from some professions. It can be very competitive (don't have to worry about that with social work). He had a golden retriever that looked so much like Maverick. Had the same kind of personality. And that dog seemed so happy-- I know Maverick will love it here.

The guy said when he and his dog came over 3 years prior, he flew Continental. He said the experience was just fine, so this was relieving to hear. My biggest fear with this whole relocation is that the dogs don't make it over ok. And now I feel a little better about this.

So this huge table and chair deal that the guy had was a steal. Fifty bucks for a big table and 4 chairs. I didn't want him to sell it to someone else, so I gave him $25 and took 2 chairs. The table won't fit in my rent car. I have no earthly idea what I am going to do, but that thing is mine now. I have a couple weeks to pick it up. But I really don't know anyone with a truck! Hell, I don't know anyone!

I talked to my neighbor Michael today. He has cancer and has to get chemo a few times a week. So he stays with his parents often, and I haven't been able to meet him yet. We are going to meet tomorrow, so it will be nice to meet my new neighbor. He sounds very nice and helpful though.

Tomorrow I am going to a garage sale that I saw posted down the street. I hope to find maybe a stereo or entertainment shelf or something. I am getting tired of the empty house. Although, it is coming right along. I just need more packages to come. I keep thinking they will since we mailed them off some time ago, but each day, nothing! Maybe tomorrow....

See, I told you today was uneventful. And it's not even 7:30 pm. All I can think about is how much I miss Austen. I am now counting down the days until he arrives. One week from tomorrow!!!! :)

lava tree state park

2008-05-08T18:11:00.000-10:00

Today was a pretty fun day. Lava Tree State Park is just a couple miles away (maybe 2), so I thought I would stop on my way into Hilo today. It was gorgeous, and I got the chance to get a little exercise. The weather was gorgeous today, mostly sunny all day. So it was a perfect little outing. Oh, and I think I saw a witch. She was doing a chant with a stick. Odd.

It was nice going to this little tourist park. Strangely, I felt like it was a good place to go because I feel a little bit like an unwanted tourist still. I will have to get over this, and it will get better with time. But being by myself and feeling like I stick out like a sore thumb makes me reluctant to just go to local places. It is pretty crazy feeling different, and is actually good for me. I guess I have never really experienced being a minority (I am actually white, not not hispanic, for those of you who don't know). This whole experience is about learning, and learning I am!

So today I bought a bed! I cannot wait to get that sucker. But I will have to, because it doesn't come until Monday. Boo. Anyway, it is bamboo, and was a reasonable price. I also purchased a cheap little 3 piece dinner table and chair set. This will have to do for now, because furniture is expensive here. And we just need the basics, anyway. I hope to spend less time indoors than I did back home.

After furniture shopping, I went to the grocery store for groceries. I wanted to get some fruits and salad stuff and what not. This is when I began my little list in my head of what I like and don't like about Hawaii. You can peruse this list at the bottom if you would like! :)

I am having water heater problems (you put it on a timer out here, so as not to use as much electricity-- this is something that is much higher than at home) and my landlord sent a friend out to fix it. His name is Gino and he was super nice. Drove up on a Harley. When we opened the door outside to the water heater, I saw at least two 3-inch roaches (or water bugs or whatever). I HATE THOSE SUCKERS!!!! God, they freak me out. Why do they have to thrive wherever I go? Anyway, I have vowed not to open that closet again until Austen gets here, when I will promptly have him insert 2 roach baits. Agh! And this is regardless of if I have hot water or not! I took a cold shower this morning, and I could do it again if I had to. It was pretty cold water though, since rain water is caught in the catchment tank, and then purified for use in the house. But you aren't supposed to drink it, although some do (I won't).

My landlord, Susan is someone I am looking forward to meeting. She has been super helpful, and I feel things were somehow meant to work out the way they did. Two men were interested in renting her home originally, but they hadn't sold their house yet. Our house having sold when it did was one of the best things in the world. And then, after signing the lease to the house, I find out that Susan's daughter was in the social service field in Hilo when she lived here, so I had a new connection there. And I was able to talk to her daughter and get some useful advice. Anyway, Susan will be on the island in June. And her daughter is having a baby (she now lives in Kuaui), so I will get to hear what that is like too! I don't guess that child rearing is the same as it would be at home.

I guess that is all for now. I am about to have a salad and some white wine, and maybe a cup of black tea.

Things I like about Hawaii:

-I don't feel the need to wear makeup

-The drive into town is so much better than the drive in DFW

-Everyone uses reusable bags (I don't get the funny looks when I bring my bags into stores. At home, at some places, the bagger would be like, "wait. You want me to put your groceries in this bag???"

-Driving into town, sights are never boring. Yesterday it was a group of volunteers cleaning up trash from the side of the road. Today it was an older biker dude doing the same thing on his own with a trash poker.

-There is maybe 15% of the public-cell-phone-talking than you would see at home. I actually try not to do it here, because it is not what others are doing, and it really is rude.

-Super affordable and delicious fruits (some veggies too)

-the daily rains are so cool and cleansing

-the stray cat i saw roaming my lot today-- i miss seeing animals and was happy to see him, even though he is a cat. but he wasn't too thrilled to see me, he hauled ass when i called for him

Things I am not so crazy about:

-$6.00 cucumbers

-$9.00 vegetable oil!!!!! Jesus! (I found an off-brand for 3 though)

-less than perfect cell phone coverage

-having to buy my drinking water, although it is cheap. it is more of a time consuming thing because you have to go fill it up

-the 5 hour time difference. it leaves me less time to talk to my loved ones :(

-the gigantic roaches that are hanging out under my house

-feeling like i don't fit in :(

missing the husband and dogs

2008-05-08T08:03:00.000-10:00

I got through another night! It rained about 4 or 5 times last night, short and quick heavy rains. It is really pretty cool, because we have a tin or metal roof and you can hear the patter. It is very pretty. Once I am used to the sound, it probably won't wake me anymore.

Every morning, I hear a few thuds on the bathroom window. One little yellow and green bird keeps smashing into the window. I am used to it now, but at first I thought someone was out there! :)

It is 8:00 am here, I got up at about 7. Don't know what my plan for today is. I really want a bed, so maybe back into town. But I haven't found any good prices yet, so I am not sure what I am going to do. I really want to jog, but don't have any pepper spray. I fear if a dog was to come out, it would be a bad deal, because there is no way I could hurt it with a knife. I really could use some pepper spray. Oh, and the other day when I was driving home at dusk, I saw a wild hog! It was a big black thing, and I think I saw a small one in the forest behind him. Maybe an ugly little baby. But it was odd, kind of like a javalena hog at home. But no tusks, at least I don't think! This is all part of why I just don't know about jogging yet.

So I have to tell you all about the coqui frogs. They live out in the forest, I think in the trees. They are tiny little frogs (I am yet to see one) that make the most awesome sound. From dusk till dawn, they yell "co-keeee". There are a few stragglers that will do it during the morning and evening. It is a soothing sound, nothing loud or annoying. It is about the same pitch as birds chirping. I love it. Some people here hate it, but there is nothing you can do about these little buggers. I want to find one and actually see it, but they are tiny and elusive. You can hear one and think you know exactly where it is coming from, but then you never see it.

Another crazy thing is the mongoose. Evidently, they were introduced here to control rats and mice back in the day. Well, someone didn't do their research, because mongoose are up during the day, but the other critters are nocturnal. So we have these strange mongoose hanging out. Not too many around here, but I have seen a few, and I ran over one on my first day by accident. They are fast, but not fast enough.

I am going to go into Pahoa town later this morning and get some good fruits and veggies. Pahoa is so crazy, it is the nuttiest little hippie town I have EVER seen. I met a lady in the post office the other day that was clearly out of her mind. But harmless. Probably just really high-- perpetually. Pahoa is just a ten minute drive, maybe someday I will feel comfortable jogging there (with Austen). Slowly.

Speaking of Austen, I miss him more than I can describe. It is bad enough coming home to a house with no dogs to greet me. But no Austen?? It is getting unbearable. He gets here in about a week, but the time is starting to pass so slow. I just wish I had someone to experience this all with. And my phone doesn't always get good reception, and he is at work, so the talking is limited. And all I can say anyway is I love you I miss you I love you I miss you! Give Lambert a squish for me!

So yesterday in Hilo I went to Furniture Land, where a man originally from Cape Cod helped me. He was very nice, and helped me find a good wicker love seat for the living room. It is a start! Then I went to Ross and found a green cushion for it, and then to WalMart again for more essentials. I really do not like this WalMart. It reminds me of the one in Arlington that used to actually be called HyperMart (yes, I do not make this up-- it was first called HyperMart and my mom hated it with a passion). It is always busy, parking is full, and people are everywhere. I got what I needed and headed to the car in the pouring rain (of course the raincoat was in the car-- my first lesson: always be prepared for the rain). The rain lasted halfway home, and the sky was clear by the time I got to Leilani Estates.

So anyway, I did make it through another night. And I am a little less scared each night. But Austen-- get here fast! And bring me my Lambdog! :)

pinch me

2008-05-07T21:57:00.000-10:00

Day two is so hard for me to describe. I truly can't think of words.

After actually getting to sleep in a bed at Patric's (Austen and I have been on a cheap air mattress at the apartment with no furniture for the past month or so), I awoke to the sounds of tropical birds. As tired as I was from the traveling day from hell (Steve Martin in Planes, Trains, and Automobiles is the only person I can compare to), it is hard to sleep late in Hawaii. After a gourmet breakfast a la Patric, I showered and put my dirty traveling clothes back on (remember, I ain't got any clothes!). I loaded up the necessities that Patric had got for me(laundry detergent, t.p., paper towels, coffee, and wine) and headed to my new Pahoa home.

Right when I drove up, American Airlines delivery people pulled up and delivered my luggage. At this point, I realized that I had avoided the $25 fee that go airlines would have charged me for having oversized luggage. Hmmm.

I could hardly speak to these folks, because I was still in complete shock that this was my home. People, I am living in my dream home. It is the craziest feeling in the world. I am here. I am living here in the rainforest in Hawaii. I mean, wow.

I headed into Pahoa town to pick up 5 packages that had arrived earlier that day. Everything that we had shipped arrived unbroken. This was a wonder, since even the people at the Bedford post office told us it would "probably break." Then I headed to Hilo to get some basics from Walmart (which is pretty much a zoo).

My first night was admittedly scary. Just being alone in the middle of a rainforest is a little scary for a woman. I don't have furniture, curtains, anything like that. I slept in my sleeping bag, with a pocket knife and my phone by my head. Now, this is not to say that this is rational. This is a very safe area. But I really am in a new world. And when the rain started pouring down around 1am, it was startling. It was a heavy rain, one that at home would make me wait for tornado sirens. But, it quickly subsided, and I remembered that I am in a rainforest. I called Austen since I realized it was morning for him, and took a sleeping pill to get me through the rest of the night.